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Newly Diagnosed...confused, upset, embarrassed...please help

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I went to the obgyn yesterday to have my genitals looked at because of the infection I have and he pretty much said I have H but said the test results wouldn't be back for a week. I'm pretty sure he just didn't say definitely because of how upset I was. From the moment I got to the doctor I was crying. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. We broke up for a few months about 2 years ago before getting back together. I have no idea for certain but I feel as though that is the time period in which I contracted it or he contracted it and gave it to me? We aren't sure because he has never had any symptoms and hasn't been tested. Anyway, I keep randomly crying, 8 can't focus at work, I feel disgusting and shameful. I have only told my boyfriend, my closest friend, and my sister. The doctor said my outbreak is no where near as bad as he as seen and antivirals would shorten my outbreak by maybe a day, but that's it. After the appointment, I started feeling extreme pain down in that general area and the pain has persisted for over 24 hours now. I can't even take a sick day at work because what am I supposed to say? I'm having an outbreak which is incredibly painful so I can't come in? I just was so caught off guard because I never had blisters just open infected sores and swelling. My boyfriend has been so sweet and accepting and after having experienced this, I'm so afraid I'm going to give it to him. I don't wish what I am going through upon anyone and am afraid that I am never going to be able to have carefree sex ever again because I'll always fear I'm going to give it to him. I have felt so alone and like my life is now going to forever be a secret and a lie. I don't want to take daily antivirals because I am on my parents insurance and live at home and so they'll find out that I am on them and make the connection. I can't even tell my parents because they'll be ashamed of me. I'm also afraid of the future and feel like I will be living my life in fear of my next outbreak. Please help, I just need someone's insight to help get me through this very dark time. Any advice is appreciated.

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If you need a sick day, just tell them you aren't feeling well. They don't really need the specifics and if they press say something general- like I think I'm coming down with the flu.


It's good that your boyfriend is supportive. You should suggest IgG testing for him (That way you can alleviate some of your worries of transmission if he is already positive). Since it sounds like it's pretty mild, it may be genital HSV1 from oral sex? As for the fears, worries, etc... it takes time to adjust. I would focus on getting past the outbreak and on acceptance really. And learn the facts, they help with the alone feelings.


I'm not sure how it works, but I do know you have a right to confidentiality. Talk to you doctor about your options. I'm sure he has some type of information. Or the pharmacist. There are laws out there to protect people from sharing that type of information, even for minors. If you want to be positive there are no errors though, could you possibly pay for it yourself?

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My doctor wasn't really very helpful and after reading the Internet I don't trust what he has to say. He told me that as long as there are no symptoms of an outbreak then I can't spread it. He also told me that antivirals don't do anything other than shorten the outbreak by a day or so. He said nothing about them reducing chance of transmission or reducing frequency of outbreaks. I have been in so much pain down there and have swollen lymph nodes which is causing my right hip to be numb and tingling. I'm starting to get some more ulcers and the way it presents on me is like random single ones, not clusters. I can't focus because of the pain and itching and hurt I feel with his diagnosis.

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A lot of doctors are misinformed when it comes to herpes. Since he is an ob/gyn you would hope that he'd be up to date on his STD information, but sadly that's not always the case. Even the up to date ones have conflicting opinions.


If you are miserable, ask for the antivirals. And if you want to be on them as a preventative measure, tell him so. Some doctors don't like prescribing antivirals unless you have many outbreaks over a period of time. If you aren't happy with his care, then find another doctor. It may be he just doesn't know all the benefits or new facts on herpes, but you would be the better judge of how willing he is to listen/learn.


Have you read through the forum? There are posts to help with shortening the outbreaks by fighting them from the outside. It might help lessen the pain.

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Thanks for your input and help. I've read a lot of things since Monday when I was diagnosed and I feel like most the things I've tried haven't helped. I can honestly deal with the pain but the numbness and tingling is driving me nuts. In my job, I sit at a desk all day so that doesn't really help the numbness either. I really am taking it day by day and trying to get through this outbreak but it's only been a week and a half and I'm still getting more ulcers so I feel like it is nowhere near over. I feel like I'm going to have this outbreak forever and I just think this will all be easier to start to accept when the outbreak isn't present. I'm also terrified for when the next outbreak will come and really don't know how to continue living a normal life with something so life altering.

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Make a call and tell the dr that your symptoms are much worse and that you want something for them. I had antivirals and pain meds for my first outbreak. They helped immensely! And I never needed them again afterwards (Although i did take antivirals during pregnancy). The outbreaks should get better as you go. Meaning in a year they'll most likely be a minor nuisance. In my experience, the first was by far my worst.


Edited to add: you might want to look into L-lysine. It wouldnt hurt to give it a try.

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You gotta make sure you're checking good sources for getting your information. ;) Unfortunately the internet is FILLED with BS around herpes due to the stigma and fear. There's probably more hokey information about herpes out there than truth. So passing herpes to your baby via the bloodstream isn't true. Herpes is passed through skin-to-skin contact only.

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My first outbreak was SEVERE. I was given antivirals and pain meds, too. (The pain meds definitely helped, but I ran out before my outbreak ended.) My first OB was so extreme, so painful, and it lasted two weeks. I just told work I was sick. (And I was--I had pretty bad flu symptoms during it, too.) TMI, but I couldn't leave the apartment during the first week, because I couldn't even wear underwear, I was in such bad condition. As more time passes, your OB's won't be so bad, because your body builds up antibodies to help fight it off. Also, you will learn the signs of a coming OB (tingling, etc), and start taking the antivirals immediately at that point. They do more than shorten the symptoms by one day--you will have less sores during, and it shouldn't be as painful, AS WELL AS shorten the duration. In my case, after my first OB, it never last more than a week. When I was first diagnosed, my doctor gave me a prescription to take only during outbreaks, because we didn't know how often I would end up having outbreaks, or if I would ever have another one. I was told to revisit after a year to decide if I needed suppressive therapy, or just continue on an OB basis. Well, during that year, I had an OB EVERY MONTH (one month I had two), so I ended up going on suppressive therapy after about 9 months. I still had the occassional OB, and when that happened, I was to take 3 pills a day (acyclovir), instead of just the 2 I take for suppression. The OB's shortened considerably, in severeness and duration, and came less and less often. Now, 3 and a half years later, I haven't had an outbreak in more than a year, and that one was only because I moved, had to switch doctors, had problems getting my records transferred, and my new doctor (Planned Parenthood) couldn't give me a prescription unless I actually showed symptoms. That was awful--just waiting for an OB. And because I couldn't take the antivirals until after the OB started, it was worse, and lasted longer, than normal.

Anyway, I just wrote a novel, haha. This is just a little info to help you understand what it's actually like in a personal case, and that it DOES get better. I'm still on suppressive therapy, and I'm totally fine with that, because I have to take other meds daily, anyway. Good luck to you! Oh, and your doctor doesn't know sh*t, excuse my French. ;) You CAN transfer it when you're not having an OB, because of asymptomatic viral shedding, but there are ways of reducing the risk--including being on suppressive therapy. Sorry, I can't help on any insurance information, but the meds are pretty expensive without insurance.


Edited to add: Wait, your doctor didn't even give you antivirals??? Get a new doctor!

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My doctor asked if I wanted antivirals and I asked what they did and he explained nothing other than shorten my outbreak by a day or two because he said my outbreak wasn't bad at all. -'d in terms of sores, it's not. But my area down there was very sore and tingling but I think it's finally starting to get better. Since he made them seem not helpful, I said no because I don't want to tell my parents my situation. He isn't my usual OBGYN, just part of the same practice. I'm hoping to reconsider once I meet with my real doctor. Is getting an outbreak every month in your first year typical? I don't know how I would be able to handle that. You're extremely strong for being able to!

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