27 y/o single f. First time in a long time Ive even thought about having herpes..

[whymegirl]

about 3 or 4 years ago I was the girl on here crying while I wrote how I thought my life was over after I was new to dating with herpes and getting my first REJECTION. Been there.

Since then I've had nothing but positive(albeit nerve wracking) disclosures and experiences. Ranging from people that I was seriously interested in.. to casually seeing..to very casually probably not seeing them in the morning types. Reactions ranging from "I've dated someone with herpes before, it's no big deal" to "I don't know much about it can you tell me?" I've always been very open and honest and comfortable with it and I always encourage them to ask me absolutely anything.

Back on the dating scene again. Woo! but this time I have been thrown a curve ball. I was introduced to a guy from a mutual friend and we got along really well although I wasn't ready to tell him.. I was intrigued and interested but I just didn't feel comfortable enough to disclose. He was going to be away for a few weeks before Christmas so I wasn't planning on telling him before then. Figured we would continue chatting while he was away and I would guage things when he got home.

He was over one evening and lets say.. we picked up some momentum. So my disclosure happened under very un ideal circumstances. I was not confident. I felt really bad because of the situation(and lack of clothes) we were in. SO I feel like I did not deliver it confidently. I don't even think I told him he could ask me any questions. I did not feel good about it. And of course his reaction was not the supportive understanding one that I'm used to because of it.. I'm pretty sure "oh shit" was the first thing he said. so I re-coiled. Anyways.

he went away.. we continued chatting. he came home.. he asked me out for lunch one day but the vibe was just off during lunch. so I asked him about it and how I was unsure what he was thinking after our chat. and he said how he wanted to be friends... UGH. right? so I was like alright no worries... the continued to chat all evening.. about everything but. then the more I thought about it I was like no you know what.. not talking was what got us into this mess in the first place so I decided to open up the conversation. and STARTED with saying how he can ask me anything about herpes how its something that's very normal to me and gave a few facts. And he said that he honestly just doesn't know anything about it and is scared of getting it. Long story short... Unsure on where that's all going, not too concerned because I'm dating other people as well.

 

But the point of this all is that it has become so normal to me the last couple years that I rarely even think about it. So to have someone that wasn't ok with it was a bit of a challenge for me.. had to remind myself not to take it personally. I mean he still wanted to go out and text back and forth all night soo its not me. lol. I was chatting with one of my gfs about it and she sent me this article:

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/dating-with-herpes

And ohhhhhh how I envy this young woman!! Her outlook is fantastic. "I have something to talk to you about.." ha! like I have the plague or something. And I had read a couple topics on here just prior to it, one was Dancer and her Facebook disclosure post <3 Amazing. I cant remember if this was in the same post or not.. but another that said if we each told 5 of our friends how the stigma would diminish greatly. So I was inspired. I have a close net group of people that know... my parents.. 2 best friends. and a friend that I connected with on here through the buddies page that actually turned out to be someone I've known since elementary!

I have another group of friends that I am SUPER close with and I have often wanted to tell them but I just never could. so after reading this article yesterday and having all of this stuff come to light for me again I decided I wanted them to know. because we all talk about our dating ventures and I always felt like I was leaving a huge part out when talking to them about it.. I cried while I read their responses because they were all so supportive and I felt like a weight had been lifted. we all went out for breakfast this morning and I felt like nothing had changed. I'm so happy that I can talk about it openly with them now when it comes to dating

 

Can you tell I havnt posted in a couple years? Long one. sorry.

I hope you all enjoy the article and find empowerment from it like I did

xx

[HopefulHerpy]

I really enjoyed reading your posts! Your ability to accept it & move forward in reducing the stigma is inspiring. I can't wait for the day when I'm at a place where I'm willing to disclose to those close to me.

[whymegirl]

I really enjoyed reading your posts! Your ability to accept it & move forward in reducing the stigma is inspiring. I can't wait for the day when I'm at a place where I'm willing to disclose to those close to me.

thankyou! I found out about 6 or so year ago.

I was in a relationship and the dr basically gave me my diagnosis then shooed me out the door. So I didn't tell anyone except my bf at the time for nearly 2 years.. When I became single I got really depressed because I didn't know of any options or support like this forum. Finally I went to my regular doctor and she got me on treatment and made me feel a lot better about it. then after my first rejection I opened up to my parents and a good friend. Which I was so happy I did because turns out they were all familiar with it one way or another. Then about another year or so later I told another one of my best friends. After a really shitty breakup.

It comes with time. whatever and who ever your comfortable with. :):)

 

 

[whymegirl]

Are you a hairstylist HopefulHerpy?

[HopefulHerpy]

No...I wish!! I'm in education

[whymegirl]

Oh okay hahah. I assumed from your profile picture. I am :)

[willow]

You have a way of such calmness in youre reactions! I am so glad you had amazing responses from your friends!Update us when he gives you a thought through answer!..

[HikingGirl]

Thank you, @whymegirl, for sharing your experience with us. You know what I loved about the post? Your resilience. After several years of positive experiences, you had a setback, realized what happened, and had the courage to open up the conversation again--this time, in your usual calm and confident way. Regardless of where the relationship goes, I just wanted to comment that I was really inspired by this show of resilience. :-)

[whymegirl]

Thankyou for saying that! Resilience has been my buzzwoRd this past year. Went through a crappy bream up at the end of summer and had to give myself time to be sad... then dust myself off again! Never the end of the world

[nolongerperfect]

When I found out, I started herpes conversations with friends and got them thinking about how herpes and dating can be difficult and folks need to be more compassionate in their reactions to the disclosure talk. I still haven't told anyone but one person.