Jump to content
  • Want to be a part of a supportive community? Join the H Opp community for free.

    Welcome to the Herpes Opportunity Support Forum! We are a supportive and positive group to help you discover and live your Opportunity. Together, we can shed the shame and embrace vulnerability and true connection. Because who you are is more important than what you have. Get your free e-book and handouts here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

Help I feel like I'm suffocating and I have no one to talk to

Recommended Posts

Hello I have HSVII I have had it for four years. I ALWAYS disclose with everyone. Unfortunately I got my self into a new situation. I met a guy online and we hit it off really well, REALLY fast! We talked for like a week and finally met. I dance/strip part time and even though that had nothing to do with how I got it, they are a bad combo. But we were meeting after work so like 3am and he wanted to party. The whole time before I was stressing out thinking how am I going to tell him right off the bat? I'll just blurt it out, whatever it will be fine. So we get to my house and start drinking and I don't know what the fuck happened to me but I didn't end up telling him, we had unprotected sex and I don't even remember the night. I woke up processed everything and ended up going with what one doctor had told me after I found out and was steady on my meds daily that I didn't have to tell anyone because 99.9% of the population has it and there's 9 different strands of it and that it's so common it doesn't matter. Along with the fact that when I do disclose to partners they always say "I wouldn't have cared if you didn't tell me" and with my most recent partner using it against me after 1 year and 7 months even though I told him straight from the get go. So we had unprotected sex multiple times and finally it got to my conscious and I couldn't take it anymore so I just told him the truth.

He is FREAKING out!!! He has threatened to tell everyone in my entire life, my buisiness, my landlords. He's threatening to ruin my entire life!!! He thinks I intentionally tried to give him HSVII I didn't. I made a drunken STUPID mistake and I had never told anyone after sex so I was terrified to reveal myself. Knowing that I had never given it to anyone else and knowing the doctor himself didn't think it was a big deal I did not confess until after like 15 times. It all happened so fast between the charisma and passion and then I couldn't take it anymore. It went against who I was as a person regardless of all the arguing thoughts and experiences in my head. And now he's threatening my entire life and threatening to sue me if he gets it when he gets his test results back. I'm so petrified and I don't know who to talk to.

Link to comment

Hi! Um, I might not be the best person to talk to but I figured I could at least offer a reply.


I recently acquired HSV1 oral, which, despite my despair, everyone seems to think is no big deal. I am educating myself and still in my primary outbreak.


As I've been reading, my understanding is that while HSV1 is very common, HSV2 is around 20ish% of the population, not 99.9%.


I can understand not disclosing initially, but I do think you made a mistake not disclosing going forward until the 15th time. Hopefully he comes back negative, and if you are on antivirals, that would severely reduce the chances. If I recall correctly, it is a 4% chance throughout the year unprotected, and with antivirals and condoms that would reduce the risk as well. You did the right thing in the end.


I do not know the legality of a lawsuit. Sorry I'm not more helpful, but I figured a reply might be beneficial.

Link to comment

Hey there :0))

Thanks for the reply!!

I've been to the police station and talked to the cops. Turns out the guy doesn't even live where he said he lived. He may be freaking out because he is a lying dog and is married or sleeping around having unprotected sex. If he does have it at this point there is no way to know if he even got it from me. I was a sucker in thinking there is still honest and beautiful people out there but I was wrong in believing that with this certain individual. It is both partners duty to contribute in safe sex. Never once did I not tell him that I was safe and that he should not use a condom. He never directly asked either. I did the right thing in telling him the truth but he may be the wrong person as god knows how many people he has/is sleeping with or what his story is.

Lesson to take from this for the rest of you.... ALWAYS DISCLOSE!! TRUST NO ONE AND GO WITH YOUR GUT!! NEVER LISTEN TO YOUR DOCTOR IF THEY TELL YOU OTHERWISE!!! So many people do and not tell their partner and hopefully their partner is an understanding human. I feel stupid for making this mistake. How did I fall stupid for a man who only brags about his women like accomplishments and lies about his life and where he lives!! He could be a serial killer for all I know. Now I will live with 911 on speed dial and hope that no one around me becomes in danger due to my lack in judgement of a person and making myself vulnerable and being honest with someone. I now must be strong and live a life of battle due to lack of education and knowledge. Educate yourself people and educate those around you. It's not aids it's not life threatening. It's as common as a cold. Have you had mono? Chickenpox? Cold sores? It's all the same. It's just too much for the phsycological mind so doctors lie to you and tell you not to disclose because they know other people can't handle it because society is so uneducated. If I get sued, I'm suing my doctor. But I guarantee you the only reason he is threatening me is because he himself has something more to hide. I made my mistake and I was afraid and I owned it. These are my consequences and I will accept them and take them on as they come. If you can take anything from my story and remove judgement as there in no way I would ever intentionally put this into someone else intentionally. Please learn from my mistakes and ALWAYS DISCLOSE!!! EDUCATE EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!! And help others to be strong and not be taken down by the social stigma of the uneducated and toxic evil people out there.

Link to comment

You made a mistake, you learned something from it, and you'll take with you going forward in your own life. Unfortunately, you can't control his reaction or what he says and does.


Keep in mind that when it comes to new infections, it takes up to four months for someone's body to produce enough antibodies to be detected in a blood test. So if he gets a positive blood test in the next few days, it means he had HSV before you met.

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

Hi. I've had somewhat of a similar experience and you can read my first post from December 2016. Anyway, in my opinion, I don't think he'll actually sue you. One reason is because I'm sure he is acting out of fear. I think he is probably ignorant on how it works and is in panic mode. Ironically, the people who act the worst are usually the people who do not take any precautions. If he sleeps around a lot, he feels this has threaten his freedom of doing what he wants with no consequences. The downside of him getting tested is that there's a likelihood that he may already have it based on his behavior according to you. In many cases, I think people already have it and therefore it doesn't show up because it already lies dormant in their system.


Think about it. If he sues you isn't he then morally obligated to disclose to everyone he sleeps with as he wanted you to do with him. Most people do not want to carry this torch as they view it as a huge burden. That's why most people move on with their lives.


The one I dealt with tried that crying wolf too, but no one paid him attention because he had a notorious reputation for sleeping with many women in the neighborhood. When he pointed the finger at me, people didn't believe him and stated that if she does, you're the one who gave it to her.


Hopefully, you'll be okay.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...