I made a huge mistake...

[kitcattat]

and am paying for it. I have had ghsv1 for a little while now and having been accepting it. Of course it's always easier to accept it on your own rather than with someone.

Anywho, I've been seeing this guy recently and things have gotten to become more serious. Problem is, we've already had sex...while I was drunk...and Im stupid and havent told him. We haven't been intimate since because I've been torn up about it. And its becoming more serious and it's eating me up. I NEED to tell him, I just don't know how to break it to him. I've only had the talk with one guy and it went well, but never panned out. So needless to say Im freaking out... I was also wondering if I should tell him that since I've only ever had one break out, it slips my mind from time to time and that's why I havent told him or just present it to him and see what he says. I hate that Im in this situation, I really didnt mean it to happen like this. I feel JUST awful. Please help!

[mr_hopp]

Hi kitcattat,

 

It's never too late to tell. If you don't tell, it seems that your integrity will eat away at you. Be honest. Tell him you were scared to say anything because you care about him (if that's true). ;) You're finding out the hard way that you actually do have integrity, so that the next time it seems that you won't let this kind of slip happen again. And hey, remember that by not having the safer sex conversation, you're actually putting yourself at just as much risk of getting something else as you are putting him at risk for getting herpes. Let's take the shame shield off of this thing and just have the conversation without it oozing with shame and deceit. Let's just have an open and frank conversation. That's all it has to be. It doesn't have to have weight to it. It doesn't have to be heavy, burdensome, sad, serious, horrible. You can make it all those things if you want to, but you don't have to. ;)

 

FYI, here are some other forum posts I dug up that have some parallels to what you're going through:

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/210/i-made-a-huge-mistake-and-not-sure-what-to-do-now-please-help-/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/245/herpes-disclosure-too-late-i-made-a-mistake-and-feel-terribly-guilty-and-like-him-/p1

[Beckie]

Hey kitcattat,

Try not to beat yourself up, hun. I know I've certainly done things, especially when drunk, that I regretted. Ultimately, it wasn't who I wanted to be. So now you have the opportunity to question who you really want to be, and what kind of relationship you're looking to build. Being honest with him means you're wanting it to be based in trust and respect. Don't let the fear stop you....you're stronger than you think! Much love to you xo

[bethany]

U could always tell him u just found out you got it lol play it off that u didnt know u had it wen u guys did it? I know it sounds awful but if ur too scared to let him know u knew wen u did it with him u gotta think of some way to let him know so he can grt himself checked :)

[mr_hopp]

Oh, I completely (and respectfully) disagree, bethany. Let's not start off relationships with dishonesty, even if it is a white lie. ;) The whole point of the Herpes Opportunity is integrity, honesty, trust in relationship. Let's develop the muscle of courage to be real and true.

[kitcattat]

I agree Adrial. I hate lying to cover up another lie. I cant keep track of them anyways, and my guilt eats at me like none other. I did end up telling him... I posted it here: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/950/i-told-him-i-have-herpes-and-i-feel-confused-#Item_6

[teennibell]

Kitcattat,I hope thing went well,and you told him,we all have regrets that we learn from.I am new here and just read your post, Being honest is the best policy ,Drinking can cloud our minds,So forgive yourself,and hold your head high,your doing the right thing.Peace Out