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ashleys story


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I had met this guy on facebook and we had talked to a few months. I was 17 and just looking for someone to date because i was always the one to be picked on in school. Well i felt a connection and he made me happy. Finally we met and went out on a double date with two of my friends. Afterwards he came to my house because my family was away on vacation and we started watching tv and making out and one thing led to another. Well he had left and went home and we continued talking. Three days after he went home it hurt so bad to sit and use the bathroom i thought that he just tore me since he had a big penis. Well i went to the doctors and they said i think u have herpes but im not sure. I wasnt bothered because i was like there is no way i know this doctor is wrong. Well they called me and when i went in she said i really did have it i did nothing but bawl my eyes out. I went to my friends house and layed in her tub and cried for hours wishing i would die. I called the guy and asked why he did it to me. He said he didnt have it and that it must have been someone else but before that i didnt do nothing for two years. The guy before him got tested and came back clean. So i feel the guy gave it to me and just wont admit it. It caused and causes so much mental problems for me. It took away my self worth, confidence, and every bit of strength i had left in me. I am still trying to get over it after two years and i still havent figured out how to get back to my old self


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So many hugs to you. What a tough place. I think a very good place to start is letting go of your anger towards him. He may not have known he had it since it isn't routinely tested for in STD tests. Herpes is also a strange virus in that it can lie dormant for years and years, then all of a sudden, boom. Herpes is so so common. Start reading the positive stories on this site from people. Focus on things you love about yourself. You are so much more than a virus. Start turning all that anger into energy spent loving yourself. You can't change the fact that you have it. You just have to move on. The guy isn't worth any more of your pain. Love yourself. You are the same person you have always been. You are worthy.

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It's just so hard because it messes with my current relationship and hurts the guy im with. He tells me all the time I would be perfect if I didn't have that and it kills me because I just want to feel okay. Like I got herpes and it sucks and I just want to move on from it, but I don't know where to begin. I keep talking about it with my therapist, my bf, and my friends that know. I just feel like its still not good enough.

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You'll still be "perfect" to a man that truly loves you! I hate that you're going through this, I'm right here with you though. It's hard but I don't think God would give either of us anything we can't handle! In a strange way I think there's something good that's going to come from this; whether it's having a healthier lifestyle or finding out who's truly there for us.


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It's just so hard because it messes with my current relationship and hurts the guy im with. He tells me all the time I would be perfect if I didn't have that and it kills me because I just want to feel okay.


Perfection is a myth. No one is perfect. NO ONE. We hurt ourselves in so many ways by striving for something that isn't possible.


I dint know anything about your relationship, so I'm trying very hard not to make assumptions. But your boyfriend's comment doesn't sit well with me and feels like a red flag. Please don't let your need to feel okay (you're already okay, my friend!!) get in the way of insisting on love and respect and acceptance of all of you--herpes included. {hugs}



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@anw I understand your position and am so sorry you are going through this. I was 6 years older when I acquired it, but I have lived a fantastic life full of everything I ever wanted. A great husband (H negative), partners before him never got it from me. I've been all over the world and plan to see even more of it upon retiring in about a year. There is simply nothing keeping you from a full and happy life. Don't let this stand in your way....you will find love and happiness. There are plenty of young men out there that will find you to be the awesome person you are!!! Grab your confidence and run with it!!! There is a very good chance that the guy you are with right now could end up with H down the road from someone who doesn't know they have it. You sound like a lovely young lady and there is a wonderful man out there waiting for you. If you make H a big deal, then it will rule you.

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When I first found out it was the worst thing to me. Then after a few months I got over it and was like well all i can do is move on. Since I have been with this guy though it has been really hard. He says he never thought he would be with someone who has something and he don't want to catch it. I explained to him I have had it for 2 years now and nobody else has gotten from me. I really do love this man and care about him. I have read more up on in it since i been with him then I ever have since I got it. I even got on the medication for him and it's like I don't know what else to do. I don't know if i should stay with him and see if it will take longer for him to adjust since we have only been dating 3 months or if i should break it off now.

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