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How to deal with herpes rumor going around?


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i got herpes one year ago and the first person before my mom that i told was my best friend. she has been there for me and i knew she would act supportive and not judge. She still lives at home and i go to college out of state. Just tonight, my ex boyfriend talked to me on Facebook and asked me a question. he said, "do you have herpes?" i told him no because that isn't obviously his business and i dated him LONG before i got herpes from a guy in college that i was casual with (not intercourse) so it is not something he needs to know. He said he heard a rumor and had to find out from me if it was true or not. I understand his concern because me and him did have sex now (three whole years ago)... the only person that knows in my hometown besides my mom and sister is my best friend and i know it must have been her spreading a rumor. why would she do that? how do i confront her? has anyone had this problem now my ex boyfriend from 3 years ago finding out?!!?! i am worried this is getting around about me and it is not fair and no ones business i am trying to grow from herpes and each day i feel it follows me around everywhere i go...

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I'm having the same problem right now with my ex boyfriends and friends what I currently did was stay away and delete any social pages because that's where all the bullying will start and also try to have a new circle of friends where you start off as a new person and can be honest of your situation if anybody is talking about your personal life they don't respect you and they aren't real friends I am currently alone right now don't feel bad this a new beginning things happend for a reason and maybe this showed you that your best friend isn't your best friend after all and I know it hurts :( because I am also new to this but stay strong this is just the beginning you will see ;) good luck

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Hey Inspired ... I appreciate you reaching out here. That really sucks that your friend who you trusted might be spreading the exact thing that you trusted her not to tell. Betrayal feels like a knife in the back. Unfortunately you can't change what people might think about what it means that you have herpes. What you do have control over is who you are in the face of this rumor. How would you go about confronting your friend? How does that play out in your imagination? What's important about what these people think about you, if anything?

Notes:

  • My mother is now in hospice with end-stage cancer, so I am at her house a lot these days helping where I can until she passes. Thank you in advance for understanding if I am not as quick to respond as I normally would be. This is a precious and bittersweet time …
  • This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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This reminds me of a woman I hardly know but still admire. She got herpes from a cheating ex husband and doesn't mind if the whole world knows. Shes since divorced and enjoyed an abundant dating life... Here's why: she doesn't care. She never denies it. She always discloses it. She's armed with the facts and is quick to say... "so what" as if it were not a big deal. If we could all be like that, we may abolish the stigma.

 

However, easier said than done. If I were in your shoes and wasn't brave enough to be like the woman I mentioned, I'd simply deny. Brush it off. And I wouldn't even waste my breath trying to confront the source. Something newer and more exciting will come along and no one will remember this.

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Thank you all for your feedback. I definitely want to confront her, but at the same time I know she will deny it and I could choose to just not tell her as personal things about myself anymore and avoid the confrontation. I already feel myself dreading talking to her so I may not. Luckily, I go to school in a different state across the country from my hometown and those rumors there do not affect me directly since I have all different friends and live elsewhere. However, it still affected me and I wish I could just say yeah I do have it, and...?? but at the same time, others, if they knew, would avoid me and my biggest fear would be people especially prospective partners simply never wanting to meet me due to a rumor. I believe it is my job to disclose to who i want when i want and the times i hear about it getting out without my control really hurts me and gets to me that most i feel extremely violated.

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Hi inspired32, just let me say that everyone deals with things differently; so your way may be different from mine but heres my story: I always tell anyoe that I think I may have sex with that I have it (a heated moment is not the time to try have "the talk"). So I had been talking to this guy and he expressed, by email, an interest in being more intimate. I told him my info (I, like more than 50% of Americans, have herpes); to my surprise he didn't even respond. I told him later that he had offended me with his failure to at least respond to me, he said he was busy. Things didn't go anywhere, of course, but then his ex girlfriend friended me and informed me that he told her about it. Of course he denied it but it told me a little more about his character. I did have a lot more people that responded, "that's it? It is what it is." Good luck and I hope you find peace.

:\">

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