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Just Engaged - Success Story

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I first registered here almost 20 months before writing this post - and it's been one of the best things to happen to me. So thank you Adriel for creating this. I never thought I would find someone to accept me having H, never thought I would get married or have kids. Instead of talking about the negative in how I got to this place I am now, I'll tell you the story of how I got to where I am now and the things I'm thankful I did do.


I met my now fiance 9 months ago on a popular dating app, right after finding out both my living grandparents were diagnosed with cancer and my parents were going through a divorce mind you. Pretty low place, not gonna lie. We hit it off instantly. We've spent every single day since except the day after we met together. I knew she was special and we just clicked. We liked most of the same things, share a similar sense of humor, can do anything together, she loves family, she's kind, loving, beautiful... She's was just it and I knew it instantly. Deep down I hated it, mostly because I was used to all good things ending so I was just waiting for the eventual let down.


I waited until 3 weeks after we met until we had the talk. It was just enough time to know I could trust her and that if I waited any longer it would just be dragging her through the mud. We could've had sex a few times before this day but I honestly didn't want to. I wanted to get to know her on a deeper level first and I wasn't ready to talk about what I can't change. I wanted her to know I was still the same person she met, she had plenty of time to build consistency with who I am, and just because I had this virus didn't mean I was a different or bad person. There needed to be a mutually recognizable time that we did have a good idea of who we were both individually and together. I mentally had to accept that she could and might say she couldn't accept me having H, but at the same time I had to be confident in my knowledge of what I have and how I deal with it. If I waited until we got too attached, it would've made the decision for her to make that much more painful. So here's what I sat down and told her, and in the absolute blunt honest truth -

1. There's something about me I can't change

2. Here's what I know about H

3. Here's how long I've had it

4. Here's how it's affected my past relationships

5. Here's what I take and what the science is behind it

6. Here's what the pill looks like and when I take them

7. It doesn't affect me physically, mentally is the only negative behind it in my eyes

8. It doesn't change how I live my life and causes no pain, I haven't seen it and it hasn't affected me since I started on suppression meds

9. Here's the science in the likelihood that you would contract it if we had sex

10. There's zero pressure for us to have sex at any point

11. Here's websites and supporting articles for you to take a look at in your own time

12. If you choose to accept this about me, please don't judge me for it or use it as a negative in the event we ever get into a fight or argument

13. You can ask any question you'd like and you will get the complete honest truth

14. I ask that you keep this to yourself from this day forward no matter what happens between us


After 2-3 days of doing her own research, she decided to move forward and we officially started dating about 3-4 weeks after. This is not a common end story, I know. But what having H taught me is that I had to get better on my own and be a better person independent of anyone else, and I had to get better about who I chose to date. Whether she said yes or no to accepting me, I knew I did the right thing.


Before I met "her"... Some women I knew I couldn't ever have this conversation with, and instead of dragging things out I just ended it. Some women I just wanted to sleep with, and I realized that being honest and up front changed the dynamic drastically. Since I started being honest and telling the truth, I've had a 100% accepting rate. This was with 4-5 women over several years. Being honest and up front is 100% the way to disclose. Do not hide what you have, do not be that person that gets caught hiding this 6 months or a year or worse - get married and then disclose. I thought these might be suitable solutions until I accepted I wanted a healthy relationship and living with myself would be impossible if it was based on a lie.


Be honest, tell the truth, and be yourself. Those are my pieces of advice. It's possible to not only meet the person for you but them also accept you for having H. I am proof. It lays the foundation for a healthy, happy, and positive relationship when she knows your deepest darkest, secret and that there's never anything that's worth hiding from her. Having H has taught me many lessons I doubt I would've learned without it. So for that, I'm pretty thankful.


So, 3 days ago in front of her family I proposed and she said yes. I wish you all the best in your journey and thank you for taking the time to read this.

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