Just need to lay it all out there.

[Whenpigsfly82]

I am very grateful for those in my life who have allowed me to cry hysterically and not judge me for what has occurred. I know deep down they will not ever fully understand. This is my story...

 

Back in October, I was set up by my hairstylist. She only had such positive words about him, had his life in order. "Finally" I thought as I seem to always attract those who especially don't have their lives together. I a 35 year old divorced and most importantly , mom of two. Successful, standing on my own two feet.

 

I had been out of a relationship for 6 months at this point. Just to make sure I could move forward with a relationship with a clear mind, I went and had many blood tests done(HIV, syphilis, Herpes 1&2, etc), all came back negative.

 

After several dates out to dinner, shopping at Lowes, card games, bonefires, he really seemed like he was someone who had a lot to offer and was a decent human. We talked about once the weather was warmer, and his foot healed(just had surgery), we would start trail running together. That's where I was wrong.

 

After one night of movies, which happened to be Friday, October 13th, one thing led to another. Before I really could comprehend what happened, we were having unprotected sex. It crossed my mind many times that we needed to stop but it had been so long for me. Deep, deep regret.

 

Three days later, I knew something was wrong. Asked more indepth questions to this guy. I could tell at first he thought I was exaggerating. Off to my doctor I went and had a swab. Two days after visiting my doctor, I received my results. HSV 2 positive. My soul seemed to be sucked right out of my chest at that moment. I asked this guy to call me ASAP. We spoke, and I told him the news. He was in disbelieve. I asked him to go to PP to get tested, and he went to a walk in clinic that day.

 

Over the next three weeks, he remained in contact with me. Mainly about how miserable he was and how he can't believe he has this virus. I think he apologized once about this. I am now stuck with a $200 medical bill that essentially gave him information about himself that he didnt know. I feel very, very jaded. Since then, he has not spoke to me. I asked him if we could talk about a month ago, and he said "Yeah, sure". I have not heard from him. Not even about his results from PP. I just don't know how hard I should push it with him. Even knowing that he is not a stand up kind of guy, I wish he would've at least continued to date so I would never have to "the discussion".

 

Every day is a struggle. I now take twice daily antivirals. My demeanor before all of this was very happy, and now I am very much so going through the motions of life. Eventually, I know I will get back to somewhere close to where I was before this happened. I eagerly await the day.

 

Thank you for reading and allowing me to just get it out there.

[Dumfounded]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I just finished my first outbreak and am feeling normal again. At first I was devastated. But the more I learned about HSV the less I've cared about it. Good luck!

[MakingIT2017]

Wow, I’m SO sorry you’re going thru this and I feel your pain. You seemed to have done all of the right things prior to this guy with the testing, etc. We all get caught up in the moment. I have H2 and learned 3 months ago (10/4). I am also a professional with 2 great kids and thought I had it all together. I’ve come to grips with my diagnosis (kind of) but my shine has definitely faded after finding out. The guy I was seeing left immediately and I don’t know if he even went for testing. Don’t be too hard on yourself. This forum, my faith and my kids have been my saving grace. Be encouraged.

[Katidid]

I can tell you that things will improve. You will likely never know if this guy knew he had it and didn't know or he knew and is a total schmuck! I've had this 35 plus years and have been married 21 of those years to a H negative man. He has been tested and is negative. I have never passed it on to anyone. Had one guy say "I need to think about this" and a few weeks later, wanted to date. We didn't work out for other reasons, but remain great friends to this day.You are safer than anyone else out there because you "know" you have it and can make all the right moves to ensure non transmission in future partners. I promise this will get easier!!! I was just 23 when acquiring and virtually no info. I can't stress enough to use condoms!!! They aren't everyone's cup of tea, but they absolutely help along with anti viral. Once you find a partner who is accepting (you will) then he can decide condoms or not!!!!

[Whenpigsfly82]

Thank you all for your kind words and support.(Unsure how to respond to you each individually) I do know I will come to grips at some point. I'm considering seeking out counseling at this point, and possibly getting back into church. Moving forward with any relationship, I wouldn't be able to not tell the person before having sex. They can at least make an educated decision before moving forward with me. I know I have a lot to offer as person and human and can't allow this to define me. Thank you all.