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Please someone help me please please

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(Newly diagnosed)

I met this boy, we did instantly click, and he was going away with work for a long time so we moved quite quickly and we slept together three times on the Wednesday, twice on the Friday (unprotected). He then left Saturday and on Saturday night I was told to go to hospital by 111 because they thought I had a kidney infection, I had previously had a kidney infection however and it didn’t quite feel the same, I just knew at this point this was sexual health and went to the gum clinic two days later. They said it looked like herpes and I had been checked before this guy.. thinking about it now though

1) he kept religiously downing smoothies for immune systems and said to me it was for his skin, but he has beautiful mixed Caribbean skin and so now I know why

2) he told me he occasionally does weed and it is good for medicine, and that I needed to accept him for him.. again reading online now I know why 

3) we are still in touch and with the view of dating and he casually asked me on the phone from abroad if I was sore from sex (we had 5 days previously) because I mentioned whilst we were having sex the Friday it was starting to get a little sore.. but I think this was to check whether I was showing any symptoms 

He knew he had herpes, and he did not tell me and had sex with me 5 times unprotected. I’m guessing by this behaviour that this is a fairly new diagnosis for him and he didn’t feel comfortable to discuss this but I am now left heartbroken and completely on my own because he is also away for months. I have had very few sexual partners in my life just come out of a long term relationship at 23, I rarely drink, I have never smoked or done anything reckless, I have terrible anxiety and I am scared of everything, and now I am alone trying to deal with this and process this and that is almost blocking out the actual physical pain. I am so stressed I have lost over a stone in a week, I am a size 4, isolated myself from my family and friends. And then when he calls me in the evenings after work I sit and chat to him and laugh with him because I feel that is the only normality I have left, he has it too I’m not alone. I haven’t told him I have caught it yet..

I feel like I have been robbed from ever mending things with an ex of mine now, he would never ever get back with me because he has a phobia of medical conditions due to experiencing the loss of a sibling at the age of 9.. I was with him 4 years. Literally picturing his face now is painful. It makes me feel sick

I can’t even bring myself to leave the house to get my nails done, yes physically this is very painful,but emotionally I can’t even explain, I feel like I am mourning my previous life, my ex of 4 years, a normal childbirth, normal dating, sunbathing, all at once on my own in secret. One of my favourite things was buying beautiful sets of underwear but now I just feel disgusting looking at them and they don’t even fit anymore anyway 

can anybody talk to me or make me feel any better

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On top of this I am currently feeling very low and I am considering calling the guy abroad that I caught it from right nowto talk to him about it but I feel like it is more a face to face conversation because we both know he didn’t use protection when he should of. Also he can’t do anything! He is in a different time zone for the next two months

There isn’t any helplines open either currently

I keep thinking of my ex in my head as well it’s just breaking me knowing that chance is now gone, our memories are just destroying me, and on top of that I am so alone, I can’t tell anybody this and I just keep crying

i saw the leaflet I was given from the nurse in my bag today, something about seeing it written as genital herpes just made me feel sick 

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I have a similar story.  I was in a long term relationship, engaged with my ex that I was with for four years.  We both got tested and decided to have unprotected sex since I was on BC; I had some yeast infections at times our relationship but never had any other issues down there since we were both committed to each other.

About a year ago, we broke up and I have been dating again.  I get STD testing at least yearly so I thought I was in the clear. From the point I thought I was ‘clean’, I had unprotected monogamous sex with two boyfriends that I had for about three months each, we verbally discussed our dating and STD history before we had sex.  Everything should have been fine. After experiencing what I thought was a UTI about two months ago, I went to the doctor and the UTI test came back negative.  So  I went to the lab to get tested for every STD again, thinking maybe I got chalymdia or some other very curable STD. . . And was diagnosed as HSV 2 positive.  I was in complete denial and told the person that gave me the test results they must have gotten mixed up at the lab.  I genuinely believed that, because I didn’t want to believe the alternative.  I still don’t know what I’m going to do with this diagnosis. 

 It’s hard and scary because I don’t know how it will affect my life.  Have I had it for years?  I don’t know. Who gave it me?  I don’t know.  Will I ever be able to date normally again?  I don’t know. Will I have several breakouts a year?  I don’t know.

I don’t have any good answers for you other than, you’re not alone.  And it feels scary.  I not sure how I’m going to manage dating again.  There’s a big part of me that wishes I would have married the wrong man because at least I wouldn’t have this disease, but that’s not the way life works.  It’s not easy, sometimes you try to be safe and you get a skin disease anyway.  I don’t know how I’m going to tell the currently I’m dating.  But I know I can’t have sex until I get it figured out.  

Just try to take it a day at time.  That’s what I’m trying.  I heard people fear more more of the unknown than a negative experience.  Maybe that’s the whole point of needing to tell your partner.  Because it’s harder to live a lie than to be rejected. You are not dirty and you are not a bad person and everyone has something.  You are and always will be worthy of love.  

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