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Dreading life ahead with hsv2

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So here is my story of how I become hsv2 positive Feb 2018,  I started talking to a guy online and we seemed to get on well and he was six years older than me so presumed he would be mature and was open with him from the start that I would like a relationship with the right person so we were on the same page of what we both wanted prior to meeting.

The week leading up to meeting he mentioned he wasn't well had flu type symptoms and achey so I asked whether it's best to cancel but he re-assured me that he felt better. The day went well,we seemed to get on very well and one thing led to another and he ended up giving me oral and then we had (stupidly I know unprotected) sex I did mention before hand that I recently went to the clinic and got the all clear (as I always take my health seriously by making sure I get tested before having sex with a new sexual partner but as most people can admit that condoms are used but there are the odd occasions when you don't, because I always made sure I was clear of anything I was naive and too trusting and presumed that they would be the same seen as I am very open and honest from the start) He was adament that he was clean and the whole experience wasn't great, it was very rough but didn't want to say anything in fear or spoiling the moment but was left so swollen and sore after,I remember not sleeping that night, silently crying because of the pain and due to having to put ice in a kitchen towel to take the swelling down,He didnt seem to care or show any comfort which then rang alarm bells for me.

Days after I went to the doctors because the pain wasn't easing, she gave me some cream to apply thinking that my skin could just be sensitive and hopefully in a few more days heal but it didn't it was becoming worse, the most imaginable pain I have ever been in, I was soo achey, very very painful down below, when I went to the toilet it felt like I was sitting on ice cubes, couldn't sleep due to the pain and discomfort and couldn't walk,couldn't sit down, I spent two months back and forth to both sexual health clinic and doctors as they wasn't sure whether it was herpes or a bartholin cyst. I was on so much medication, took salt baths, warm and cool flannels, loose clothing, pain killers everything I could and it wouldn't get better. I began wanting to end my life to stop the pain (I have had a natural pain free birth 5 years ago to this so I have really good pain threshold which just shows the amount of pain I was in was horrific) My mum and best friend who I confided with as I was getting too unwell to look after my son which was heartbreaking for me was soo worried,I was on so much medication and the pain was so severe I ended up fainting,luckily my mum came round to check if I was ok when it happened and caught me till I come back round.

I finally got diagnosed in March with Hsv2 as I had a flare up of tiny blisters  (this didn't look no where near as bad as on the photos on google) which showed it was a hsv2 outbreak from a swab test. I was angry and devastated when I got the result, I rang the guy to tell him (conversations started quieting down weeks after we met going from everyday talking to nothing, which made me think was he aware when he knew I was ill after we slept together beacuse he had a guilty conscience??) He told me that he has never had any problems down below but then I found out that he had gone to the doctors because still felt unwell and had a swollen lymph node in his armpit,he told me the doctor prescribed him antibiotics and didn't know why he had it but it just all summed it up for me the swollen gland, headaches,feeling fluey as I researched online and these are all the symptoms in a male being hsv2 positive,he got nasty on the phone as I was upset telling him how he could treat me like this and how he would feel if someone did the same to his daughter) he told me to f off and we havent spoken or seen eachother since and never will. 

He has given me this for life that I have to live anf suffer with, he has just been able to walk away without any care.

Since my diagnosis I had outbreaks every week and then every 10 days now,I take acyclivor when I feel a flare up and the doctor has now accepted to put me on a daily dose of this medication in hope to stop or be less frequent with the outbreaks to take for 6 months to see how I go. 

I am hoping this works as it's now making me depressed when I get a flare up as it's so painful and effects my day to day life. I have never had to go to the doctors so much in my life until getting this. I have considered suicide previously as I just don't want to go through life with these painful outbreaks and so glad I am not in a relationship as the intimate part of it would probably put a strain on it and if the outbreaks continue the way they have been then I won't ever be able to have the sex life I once had. As I have a very high sex drive I used to have sex everyday and even several times a day when I was in a long term relationship and I feel I will never be able to have this sex life again. 

So sorry it's long to read but I just wanted to be open about it all to see if it helps people who can relate going through the same or if there are anyone out there that started off the same with the outbreaks in the first year that can re-assure me that I won't be going through this year in year out as it has totally changed my life for the worst! When I pick myself up and get on with my life it hits me back down again with an outbreak..it's a vicious cycle!

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Thanks to both of you who responded, I feel I am the only one going through this right now so it's nice to be able to talk to people who have it and understand.

I did try taking the l-lysine tablets but I didn't feel they did much for me as I still kept getting them, I generally eat healthy anyway so taking the tablets on top was giving me an upset stomach so stopped them. 

I do try my very best to slow down and limit stress as much as I can but it's easier said then done when your bringing up a child alone plus work,taking care of the pets etc..my days are busy and then on top of it have to keep carrying on with everyday life in this pain with the outbreaks. They do seem to now clear up after 3-4 days usually with the meds but this time it's in a slightly different place and is very sore and burns when I go to the toilet and keeps my up with the pain so aswell as carrying on through the pain I also get lack of sleep because of it. Just so frustrating and I really can't see any light at the end of the tunnel with this.

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I would suggest asking Dr to give you daily dose of anti viral rather than just when an outbreak occurs. Sounds like you are having them frequently enough to warrant daily dose. 

Sounds like he mentioned the flu in the event you ended up with the H from him, he could say " well, I had flu like symptoms prior to our having sex, I must have had it and didn't know." It just sounds a bit fishy to me.

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On 8/8/2018 at 1:09 AM, sarahsfocus said:

i'm sure as time goes by the outbreak will get better and maybe not last as long.just pray about it.you might go into Remission,take care Sarah

Thanks Sarah,I really hope in time and now on daily meds that I will see much improvement and be able to fully get on with life pain free x

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7 hours ago, Sumshine said:

I would suggest asking Dr to give you daily dose of anti viral rather than just when an outbreak occurs. Sounds like you are having them frequently enough to warrant daily dose. 

Sounds like he mentioned the flu in the event you ended up with the H from him, he could say " well, I had flu like symptoms prior to our having sex, I must have had it and didn't know." It just sounds a bit fishy to me.

Thanks Sumshine for your advice, I am finally on daily meds as this different doctor I spoke to said I have been through enough suffering and didn't understand why the female doctor was just letting it go on this long. 

What do you mean by it sounds a bit fishy, as in you think he was aware that he did have it or he generally just thought it was flu? I suppose either way it could be but due to him just presuming it was ok to go unprotected and reassure me that all is fine..I have learnt from this the hard way and in the future won't let anyone persuade me differently and stick to my guns. That's if I do go on in the future to meeting someone. When my 9 year relationship with my son's dad 5 years ago ended, I have learnt that its rare to find old fashioned romance anymore and that guys who I have come across just want to sleep around and on to the next with no commitment. I know I am worthy of much more so I am remaining single and focusing purely on my son and if I end up alone then so be it but I am not going to allow myself to be treated that way.

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Keep knowing you are definitely worth it and H does not define you! You can have a great life. I've had this decades and life is great!!! 

I think he knew he had it just by how much of an ass he was when you told him of your issues. He threw the "flu card" in there up front in the event he passed it to you.....he could then say "well, I guess my flu symptoms could have been first onset of H."

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