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Recently Diagnosed, Trying Everything

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Hi, Everyone -

I am here because I truly feel so alone in this. I am a mother of a two year old little boy. The father and I broke up for about 10 months. In that time he was sexual with other women. I was not sexual with anyone else. He contracted HSV2. We got back together about a month ago and a week later I noticed a small lesion and a bump. I mentioned it to him and it is when he told me he was positive for HSV2. He did not tell me prior to this. It should have been my decision. He gave me an incurable virus and I am extremely resentful. I was finding it hard enough to get over the fact that he was with other women but now I have to carry a virus around in my body to remind me of this every single day.

Over the last few weeks I have been trying everything. I have had (2) 10-pass ozone therapies done, which is very pricey. I have also been taking an insane amount of supplements: lysine, monolaurin, vitamin c, elderberry, echinacea, propolis, and immune boosting complex that contains zinc. I have also ordered wild oil of oregano. Topically I apply a lemon balm that contains a number of antiviral and antibacterial oils. My first OB was very mild and not painful. My doctor said there is a chance I will be one of those people who never gets one again and my immune system is obviously firing since my first OB was so mild and went away quickly (6 days). I am truly hoping for that. More so, I am hoping I can eradicate this virus from my body.

Guys, the main reason I am writing this is because I am so god damn resentful of my partner. He should have told me. He should have let me decide if I wanted that in my body or him in my life with the virus. How am I supposed to trust him? How am I supposed to heal from this? On top of that, I am someone with insane anxiety. I am TERRIFIED of passing it to my little boy. My doctor told me unless you sexually abuse your child you cannot pass G-HSV2 to them. I go home and bleach the towels every single day. My little boy uses the colored towels, we use the white towels. Also, I bleach his tub daily. I also wash his clothes separately and make my partner bag up his clothes before throwing them down the shoot and I do the same. I feel like I am going crazy. Are there any other parents here who have this anxiety? I hope this passes.

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Hi @organicmama and thank you for sharing yourself here!

It certainly is adding insult to injury to be cheated on and then getting herpes on top of that. I'm so sorry he acted so carelessly and recklessly and that impacted you so deeply. Are you planning on staying with him? If you plan to stay with him, then relationship therapy and counseling is an absolute must. Rebuilding trust after it is broken takes a lot of work on both sides of the relationship. Both of you must be willing to work to rebuild it in relationship together. If you aren't planning to stay together, then there is a different path of forgiving and letting go, taking all of this as a powerful opportunity to grow and trust a future partner while learning to trust others again. It's a vulnerable process because the entire time, your heart will feel like snapping shut to protect herself from being hurt yet again. It takes courage to open a heart that has been disrespected and whose trust has been broken. And believe it or not, either way you end up going, whether you stay with him or go, this experience can bring you even deeper into an even deeper sense of profound trust. Doing this forgiveness work, whether with him or just with yourself, actually makes you stronger and your heart more resilient for the future. 

Also, it's important to know that you can't eradicate herpes from your body. You can work on lowering stress levels, keeping your body and immune system healthy to fend off future possible outbreaks. Sometimes we can put so much energy into false hopes that it drains us of being able to be present with our new situation. Sometimes searching for that magic pill or cure (hey, I did it, too!) is actually just another version of denial. Seeing that is super important, and helps you move through your stages of grieving more efficiently and with more self-awareness. 

Also, as a parent myself, I feel for you and your anxiety around passing this to your kid. Know that it's very unlikely unless they come into contact with an actual herpes outbreak. (In fact, the way a lot of adults have cold sores is because an unwitting family member with a cold sore kissed them on their face as a child.) So because you are aware that you have herpes and are aware of when you're having an outbreak, it'll make it that much more unlikely that you would pass it to your kids. Please know that it's not passed via inanimate objects like the tub or towels. The paranoia passes not with time, but with knowledge. Knowing the facts allows you to lay the paranoia down and relax. Here's an article on how herpes is transmitted: https://herpeslife.com/how-can-you-get-herpes/ 

Also,  here's an overview video I made that might be helpful to watch:

Please keep reaching out on these forums if you need help and especially if you need support in quelling those paranoid voices in your head. We all have had them before, too. 😉 

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@mr_hopp thank you for taking the time to reply to my post. I think the thing I am most upset about is not being told before hand, so all of this could have been avoided. However, it is too late for that and being resentful of it will not change it. Also, feeling dirty around my child. I am so fearful to touch him. I have sanitizer all over the house. I feel like I am driving myself crazy. I spoke to my doctor, who is the one doing my ozone therapy, she had her own OBGYN practice for 30 years and she even told me unless I sexually molest my son he cannot get what I have. Even after being told that I'm still a psycho with bleaching towels, doorknobs, his tub. I don't let anyone else use the bathtub except him and I clean it every day. I really hope the anxiety of it passes. 

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Hi organicmama

I hear you & understand you want to protect your little boy,
but there is no way you will pass it through towels & doorknobs,
I have 2 grown up kids now &they are fine, I never worried about cleaning doorknobs etc.

I hope your anxiety passes, maybe try cleaning a little less each day.
The anger & resentment inside you is natural in your position

Hope time heals you & wish you good luck

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