Please help me! Having a hard time telling family!

[Dreamer07]

Hey everyone,

I am newly diagnosed as of maybe 2 weeks ago. I took a blood test HSV1 positive then days later I had my first outbreak GHSV1. My boyfriend of 1 year gets colds sores (which I found out about 1.5 weeks ago) and I’m pretty sure I got it from him. Still dealing with all kinds of emotions. I’m not mad at him, he didn’t know he could give it to me. Honestly, I remember he mentioning a sore on his lip 2 years ago, but I didn’t know it was a cold sore. I keep looking at pictures of when I was young and didn’t have THIS to worry about. I’m considering seeing a counselor. 

Im here because I have a very close sister who I want to tell, but I don’t know how. She had an ex cheat on her and he got HSV2 and she found out before she contracted it from him. She left him. She is terrified of getting this...we both were. But NOW here I am GHSV1 positive from my current boyfriend, we love each other and all, but it is so hard for me to accept. I don’t even know if I should be upset with him? What should I do about my sister? I’ve been pulling away from her because, I want to talk to her about this, but I don’t know how. 

Please help, please respond. 

 

[tomorrow]

I think if you want to talk to your sister, you just find a quiet time and talk about it. If she is a good sister, really cares about you, she will try to help. And of course she need to learn more about it which might change her previous attitude toward herpes like most of us do.  Plus, it’s a STD, it only effects people you are going to have sex with. Not your sister.  If you worry your sister will have judgement, don’t tell then. It’s not that kind of desease that will have any severe side effect or life threat. I personally don’t worry about it at all. And I don’t tell any of my family about it. It is my own business. My only concern and worry is the person I am having sex with. That’s all. 

Hope this help.

[Dreamer07]

@tomorrow

Thank you for your response. I’m still very new at this, so I’ll try and take my time before telling my sister. I guess I need to get myself composed, confident and educated before I can educate my sister. She does care about me. We truly we are best friends. I’m not ready for anyone feeling sorry for me or treating me differently because of my circumstance. My boyfriend doesn’t want me to tell AT ALL to protect his privacy. Still not sure how I feel about that. 

[CraftyRN]

Hi Dreamer - I have had HSV2 for 17 years and was diagnosed at age 28.  I held back tears until I got to my car (from the doctors office) and the first person, I called was my mom.  I think it would be helpful for you to have your sister to confide in...especially if you are close.   She probably did some research when she found out her ex had it.  It's hard not to be upset at your boyfriend but so many people don't know about the fact that you can contract it even when sores aren't present.  I work in the medical field and have tried to educate as many people that have crossed my path.  I had a guy who was complaining about his recurrent cold sores, if he was on any medication and he told me abreva.  I asked him if he considered Valtrex and he looked shocked and told me he doesn't get them "down there."  I let him know it's the same virus but HSV1 can be spread to the genital area.   I have also confessed to being H+ to a few newly diagnosed patients when they are in tears and feeling terrible about their new diagnosis.  It has made them feel better knowing life goes on and they know another human who admitted having it. 

The fact that you have been with your boyfriend for a year makes me think you probably like him and plan on still seeing him?  I honestly have been single most of my life.  I have had a few first dates and just am not feeling it.  I have dated a few men for a few months and had "the talk" - both seemed to OK with it and didn't ask a lot of questions.  I have also been rejected.   There are so many good posts on here that will help you get more educated and realize life does go on.  It is not always easy and I actually just joined here to read more about how to handle rejection.  A guy I was seeing for 3 months and I,  mutually agreed to end things due to his lack of being able to make a decision if he could more forward with a physical relationship.  I was trying to be patient and we fooled around a little but did not have sex.  I think the more research he did, he freaked himself out and backed off even more.  I felt a little more rejection every time I was with him.  I have not had an outbreak for over 15 years, my first one was very painful and lasted a little less than 2 weeks.  I have only had a handful since the first.  I do not take antivirals or any other supplements.  It has helped me over the years to talk to friends and family.  It is a very common virus and can be annoying when you have an outbreak, it's the stigma that is the worst part.  I hope the people I talk to feel differently about it.  Good luck and I think you will feel better having your sister to talk with.  

[Dreamer07]

@CraftyRN

Thank you for your response. It has been very hard and like yourself I am in healthcare . I am a pharmacist and taking my Valtrex to be filled was hard to do. Pharmacist know pharmacist and I still have to figure my pharmacy choice situation out. I went to 3 pharmacies trying to see if I knew the people working there before I went ahead and turned my prescription in. Pray for me please. Can you imagine taking your colleagues your med record? 

As for my sister, I know I would be so relieved to go ahead and tell her, but I’m just not ready. She would not forgive my boyfriend and he I are planning a long future together. Much,much to think about over here. This is hard.

[CraftyRN]

I understand - I don't have a Valtrex on stand by as I don't want it on my med list.  I haven't needed it but if I do, will have to deal with it.  I asked my primary to not list the HSV2 in my record as I don't need it to pop up on my when one of my co-workers documents a flu shot or checks me in for another appointment.   I get all of that completely.   Hopefully your sister will not hate your boyfriend if you can forgive him.  If you are planning a long future together, you both will learn how to live with it and maybe not have to every disclose it to any potential partner.   If your boyfriend told you he got cold sores from the herpes virus, would you have still chosen to stay with him?  If so, that would probably help your sister not be so mad.  It is always nice to have a choice but unfortunately, that's not how it always goes.  Take your time.  

[Dreamer07]

@CraftyRN

Thank you for your response. I don’t think I’ll be adding it to any of my med list outside of my OB/GYN and the Pharmacy that already has my prescription. I had no choice I had to get my Valtrex, this current first outbreak is nothing to play with. To answer your question, I may have stayed with my boyfriend regardless. Just wish I knew earlier so I could take precautions to prevent me from contracting it. 

Again thanks for your responses!

[organicmama]

19 hours ago, Dreamer07 said:

Hey everyone,

I am newly diagnosed as of maybe 2 weeks ago. I took a blood test HSV1 positive then days later I had my first outbreak GHSV1. My boyfriend of 1 year gets colds sores (which I found out about 1.5 weeks ago) and I’m pretty sure I got it from him. Still dealing with all kinds of emotions. I’m not mad at him, he didn’t know he could give it to me. Honestly, I remember he mentioning a sore on his lip 2 years ago, but I didn’t know it was a cold sore. I keep looking at pictures of when I was young and didn’t have THIS to worry about. I’m considering seeing a counselor. 

Im here because I have a very close sister who I want to tell, but I don’t know how. She had an ex cheat on her and he got HSV2 and she found out before she contracted it from him. She left him. She is terrified of getting this...we both were. But NOW here I am GHSV1 positive from my current boyfriend, we love each other and all, but it is so hard for me to accept. I don’t even know if I should be upset with him? What should I do about my sister? I’ve been pulling away from her because, I want to talk to her about this, but I don’t know how. 

Please help, please respond. 

 

I told my sister and it was the best decision I ever made. I no longer feel alone. Before I told her the only person that knew was the person who KNOWINGLY gave it to me without disclosing. It was hard to be comforted by someone who could do that. 

[Amando]

Hi

I've told most of my family

Even nieces & nephews, I was cheerful & even joked about it, not one of them judged me at all or treated me any different.

She is your sister & you have said you are close, so tell her, it really won't be a problem.
& then it will give you someone to talk to when you feel low & close family members are great at getting you back up again.

I do not think you will regret it for a minute!

Good luck 🙂