How did I get HSV? Was I drugged?

[Dreamer07]

Help!

I was diagnosed with GHSV1 in September 2018, but other than that, a part of me is torn because of something else. Let me share a little background. I met my current boyfriend in 2016 & coincidentally I was tested months before we met for HSV and I tested negative. Within a few months of dating my boyfriend appeared with bumps on his bottom lip which I didn’t identify as HSV and neither did he say that it was a cold sore. 

Fast forward to July 2018 a guy friend of mine asked if I could go somewhere with him so he could vent about his breakup. I told him I’d ask my boyfriend if I could come out & my boyfriend reluctantly said yes, so I went. We didn’t do much went to two bars and I had two drinks, which isn’t a lot for me. But by the end of the night I was very dizzy & felt unusually tired. The way I felt was very weird, I fell asleep on the way back home & my memory is in & out.

Once we got to my place I threw a pillow and cover on the couch for my friend thinking the 2.5 hour drive is too far for him to drive home since he had been drinking and I went to my room and fell asleep. I woke up with him holding my hands down and trying to kiss me, I remember moving my head, I didn’t want to kiss him. He started yanking on my clothes against my will & being very aggressive. I had on my night gown & I remember not being able to kick my legs. 

I don’t remember much of what he said, but I remember saying I will never have sex with you and I started talking about my boyfriend. I said that I loved him and we were going to get married and start a family. After that moment, I don’t remember anything else, I believe I passed out. When I woke the next morning, I saw him getting his things together and he said something unusual like, I was his girl first. WE NEVER DATED. I have asked him several times about it and he says he is sorry he was drunk and we didn’t have sex. 

My boyfriend and I had a date 2 nights later & I was intimate with my boyfriend. A week had passed and a lump appeared in my groin area. I thought it was an ingrown hair, abscess or something. The lump didn’t completely go away, but I was told by doctors to not be too concerned. My love life with my boyfriend continued as it was. By the time September rolled around I was diagnosed with GHSV1. 

I was devastated, I felt like how could it be. How do I tell my boyfriend. I hadn’t stepped out on our relationship, where did this come from? I started to wonder did the guy that I called friend take advantage of me, while I was passed out? Why would only two mixed drinks cause me to feel that way? The gaps in memory, was I drugged? I cried out of fear of losing my boyfriend in all of this, but my best friend encouraged me to tell him my diagnosis. I started to talk about it & in my story I asked him if he had ever had sores or anything and his response to me was somewhat nonchalant, he reminded me that he had cold sores just months after he and I met in 2016 and that his parents told him as long as he stays away from me during a cold sore outbreak that I would be fine. 

There are no words that I can use to accurately describe how I felt. I was so confused, should I be mad, should I be relieved? what now? Through this forum he & I both learned that HSV can be transmitted through oral to genital. (My boyfriend seems to enjoy giving oral)  Furthermore to confuse me my boyfriend still wanted to have sex give oral and have unprotected sex, despite my GHSV diagnosis. I wasn’t ready & I’m still not completely comfortable. I’ve dealt with a lot this year. 

 

MY QUESTIONS

1. My boyfriend & I met in Oct 2016, stop dating around March 2017 (6 months). During that time we did not have intercourse, he only gave me oral. We started dating again in Oct 2017 & decided to have intercourse. Our relationship has been consistent since Oct 2017. I had my 1st OB Sept of 2018. How likely is it that it came from him? My bf test positive, cold sores since 2016. 

2. The part that worries me the most is worrying was I raped when I was passed out? Did he take advantage of me? Did I get this from the person I called friend? I specifically said I would never have sex with you.  He keeps saying no we didn’t have sex, but my 1st OB came 3 months after hanging with him. 

3. The sad reality is this. Do I believe my boyfriend gave this to me? Or do I believe that I was taken advantage of? Not sure what to think & it makes it hard for me to find peace.

Thoughts? 

[Ishmael]

Whatever else, you were sexually assaulted. The fact that you woke with this guy on top of you is 100% not okay. You certainly did nothing wrong, but I do think you should contact authorities.

Regarding the source of your HSV, if your boyfriend tested positive for HSV1 and gets cold sores and he gave your oral sex on a regular basis, then yes he probably gave it to you. That doesn't change the fact that this other guy assaulted you though. 

[100918]

8 hours ago, Ishmael said:

Whatever else, you were sexually assaulted. The fact that you woke with this guy on top of you is 100% not okay. You certainly did nothing wrong, but I do think you should contact authorities.

Regarding the source of your HSV, if your boyfriend tested positive for HSV1 and gets cold sores and he gave your oral sex on a regular basis, then yes he probably gave it to you. That doesn't change the fact that this other guy assaulted you though. 

My thoughts exactly.

[Dreamer07]

@Ishmael

I know I was assaulted and it makes my heart  sink to even think about it, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to prove my case. & if I even try that means I would have to tell my story not from behind my keyboard and others will know my business. My boyfriend doesn’t even know. I told him he tried to kiss me & I moved but he doesn’t know the aggression behind it. I’ve considered talking to a counselor about it. I just feel stuck.

[Ishmael]

16 hours ago, Dreamer07 said:

@Ishmael

I know I was assaulted and it makes my heart  sink to even think about it, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to prove my case. & if I even try that means I would have to tell my story not from behind my keyboard and others will know my business. My boyfriend doesn’t even know. I told him he tried to kiss me & I moved but he doesn’t know the aggression behind it. I’ve considered talking to a counselor about it. I just feel stuck.

Ugh, that's so awful to hear that you're going through this. It's easy for me to say "What you should do is ABC." but ultimately you should do whatever you think is best. I feel like telling the authorities and letting this guy know that what he did is assault is a good idea. He seems to think he didn't do anything wrong, and that's terrifying. Also, I think the idea of talking to a counselor is a great idea.