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I really want to let this go because it has been haunting me for a while. I’m a female and when I was 24 (I’m 27 now) I met a guy on a dating app. I was into him and it seemed we were going to enter a relationship. Before I had unprotected sex with him he told me he was “clean”. A week later I had the worst flu-like symptoms and felt like I was going to die. I then had an outbreak of many sores. I was diagnosed with HSV-2 and I feel like it has been ruining my life. The guy who gave it to me was also such a total jerk and was not supportive about it. He left me out to dry and claimed he had no idea he had H.  I’m currently in a somewhat toxic relationship with another guy because I fear no other man will want to date me when I disclose my status. My current bf knows about my status and wants to have sex without condoms but I haven’t done so because I fear that I will transmit it to him. I don’t think I could live with myself if I passed it on to him even if he would be okay with it, but I don’t think he is. We use condoms and I take Valtrex daily and so far I have not spread it to him and it has been little over a year. The outbreaks are horrible. Even with medication I have outbreaks daily and it is rare that I have a day without an outbreak. I also am worried about my future if I want to have children because I have viewed research about the dangers of giving birth and having H. I feel like it’s destroyed my life and sometimes I feel like ending it all. I wish I could go back in time and refuse to have sex with the douchebag who gave me this disease. Any advise or wisdom on how to cope with this would be greatly appreciated.

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First off, know that you are not alone. Unfortunately, there are many folks on this very forum that share your same story. Yoi have not destroyed your life, no matter how much of may feel like it. I was diagnosed a few months ago and I am still processing it all myself. It's not easy but I have to believe that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. When you say that you have a daily outbreak, what do you mean exactly?

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Thank you for your kind words. I constantly have sores down there even when I take Valtrex daily and they can hurt a lot sometimes. It’s taken a huge toll on me physically and psychologically. 😞

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Panda 91, I was diagnosed back in August, was dating a guy who also told me he was 'clean' now I'm not with him. I had an AWFUL second outbreak that lasted over 2 weeks just after Christmas. I'm so depressed about it all. I'm kind of seeing a new guy who us lovely and I've told him and he''s fine about it but we've not had sex yet. I just don't really see the point in pursuing it though. I feel like an absolute gross mess. I'm so annoyed that this has had such an huge negative impact on my life.

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I understand you struggle, I have been with my current boyfriend for about a year and a half and have been diagnosed since September of 2018. Fairly new. It wasn’t until after I had a terrible outbreak that put me in the hospital and was first diagnosed when he disclosed that he could have given it to me because he was not very monogamous when “playing the field”. Thankfully, he is still with me because I don’t know how I would deal with it otherwise. I have been feeling like a pariah ever since, I just recently told my family which I never wanted to do but thankfully did because they are very supportive. I have been terrified that if me and him break up I will never find someone who will accept me as he has and I feel angry at him for making the situation that made me feel that way.  It’s a very hard situation but I’ve come t find out that high amounts of stress have caused outbreaks that last long periods of time and they are extremely unbearable. Although everyone is different, it could be you need a higher dosage on your valtrex. Mine personally had to be reduced because it made me extremely drowsy and caused a loss of appetite which made me loose a ton of weight. The virus affects everyone in a different way, I am sorry it affects you so. Please let me know if you need anyone to talk to! And always keep your head up, we are all in this together!

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8 hours ago, StrengthOfWolves said:

I understand you struggle, I have been with my current boyfriend for about a year and a half and have been diagnosed since September of 2018. Fairly new. It wasn’t until after I had a terrible outbreak that put me in the hospital and was first diagnosed when he disclosed that he could have given it to me because he was not very monogamous when “playing the field”. Thankfully, he is still with me because I don’t know how I would deal with it otherwise. I have been feeling like a pariah ever since, I just recently told my family which I never wanted to do but thankfully did because they are very supportive. I have been terrified that if me and him break up I will never find someone who will accept me as he has and I feel angry at him for making the situation that made me feel that way.  It’s a very hard situation but I’ve come t find out that high amounts of stress have caused outbreaks that last long periods of time and they are extremely unbearable. Although everyone is different, it could be you need a higher dosage on your valtrex. Mine personally had to be reduced because it made me extremely drowsy and caused a loss of appetite which made me loose a ton of weight. The virus affects everyone in a different way, I am sorry it affects you so. Please let me know if you need anyone to talk to! And always keep your head up, we are all in this together!

I'm so sorry to hear that it was so debilitating for you. Has you boyfriend tested as well?

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On 2/6/2019 at 11:34 PM, panda91 said:

Thank you for your kind words. I constantly have sores down there even when I take Valtrex daily and they can hurt a lot sometimes. It’s taken a huge toll on me physically and psychologically. 😞

Are you taking 500 mg or 1 g of valtrex daily?

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On 2/7/2019 at 2:50 AM, Mooeuk said:

Panda 91, I was diagnosed back in August, was dating a guy who also told me he was 'clean' now I'm not with him. I had an AWFUL second outbreak that lasted over 2 weeks just after Christmas. I'm so depressed about it all. I'm kind of seeing a new guy who us lovely and I've told him and he''s fine about it but we've not had sex yet. I just don't really see the point in pursuing it though. I feel like an absolute gross mess. I'm so annoyed that this has had such an huge negative impact on my life.

Dear Mooeuk,

We both have learned a lesson not to trust anyone when they say they are “clean”. I think in the future before I have sex with anyone I will make me and my future partner get tested because having H makes one 3 times more likely to contract HIV. If you found a lovely guy and disclosed to him, I think you should pursue it! By reading a lot on this forum I’m slowly coming to the conclusion that sometimes we make H a bigger deal than it ought to be and we shouldn’t let it define who we truly are as a person. Don’t feel like a gross mess. This can happen even to people who have been monogamous with one partner if their partner cheated. Don’t let H prevent you from pursuing happiness. 🙂

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5 hours ago, Whymewhynow said:

Are you taking 500 mg or 1 g of valtrex daily?

I take 1 g Valtrex daily and still get outbreaks. I’ve also tried Lysine, oregano oil, and blackseed oil. So far I have not been 100% outbreak free. I think it has a lot to due from stress at school and from my now ex bf (he dumped me two days ago). Also my immune system is super  compromised because I had been diagnosed with Diabetes Type 2 a year after having H. 

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14 hours ago, StrengthOfWolves said:

I understand you struggle, I have been with my current boyfriend for about a year and a half and have been diagnosed since September of 2018. Fairly new. It wasn’t until after I had a terrible outbreak that put me in the hospital and was first diagnosed when he disclosed that he could have given it to me because he was not very monogamous when “playing the field”. Thankfully, he is still with me because I don’t know how I would deal with it otherwise. I have been feeling like a pariah ever since, I just recently told my family which I never wanted to do but thankfully did because they are very supportive. I have been terrified that if me and him break up I will never find someone who will accept me as he has and I feel angry at him for making the situation that made me feel that way.  It’s a very hard situation but I’ve come t find out that high amounts of stress have caused outbreaks that last long periods of time and they are extremely unbearable. Although everyone is different, it could be you need a higher dosage on your valtrex. Mine personally had to be reduced because it made me extremely drowsy and caused a loss of appetite which made me loose a ton of weight. The virus affects everyone in a different way, I am sorry it affects you so. Please let me know if you need anyone to talk to! And always keep your head up, we are all in this together!

Dear StrengthOfWolves,

Thank you for understanding my struggle. You are very fortunate that your giver was supportive and remained with you. Mine up and left my life when it happened. He was completely devoid of any concern or sympathy. I struggled the walk alone to Planned Parenthood because the initial outbreak of sores were exteremely painful. He wasn’t there when the nurse told me it was H and I will never forget the initial feelings of agony and distraught. Do not be terrified about finding another person if you and him break up. I entered another relationship that lasted for about a year and he was okay with my condition. Unfortunately, our relationship ended recently because it was very toxic and he was abusive. I am trying to not give up hope that I will find someone who truly loves me unconditionally but it is hard because I have never had luck with relationships. Most guys have treated me like trash and left me. That is good that you were able to tell your family. None of my family members know about it. I have complicated relationships with my parents and know their reactions would make it worse. However I have only told a few close friends. You are very strong and do not be afraid of anything. We are all in this together. 🙂

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2 hours ago, panda91 said:

I take 1 g Valtrex daily and still get outbreaks. I’ve also tried Lysine, oregano oil, and blackseed oil. So far I have not been 100% outbreak free. I think it has a lot to due from stress at school and from my now ex bf (he dumped me two days ago). Also my immune system is super  compromised because I had been diagnosed with Diabetes Type 2 a year after having H. 

I am so sorry to hear about the break up. I swear sometimes when it rains it pours! Try to stay positive and minimize your stress levels no matter how impossible it sounds. I tried lysine as well but I don't really know if that helped. I've decided to try and boost my immune system to see if that helps any, but it seems like a guessing game. Have you discussed the nonstop ob's with your doctor? What are they advising?

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2 minutes ago, Whymewhynow said:

I am so sorry to hear about the break up. I swear sometimes when it rains it pours! Try to stay positive and minimize your stress levels no matter how impossible it sounds. I tried lysine as well but I don't really know if that helped. I've decided to try and boost my immune system to see if that helps any, but it seems like a guessing game. Have you discussed the nonstop ob's with your doctor? What are they advising?

Thank you. I have been trying to remain positive but I find myself bursting into tears several times through out the day. I have an appointment soon with my OBGYN but I think usually when I discuss it with different doctors, for some reason they refuse to prescribe more than 1 G of Valtrex daily. Not sure as to the reason why. I will definitely bring it up during my next appointment. 

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3 hours ago, panda91 said:

Thank you. I have been trying to remain positive but I find myself bursting into tears several times through out the day. I have an appointment soon with my OBGYN but I think usually when I discuss it with different doctors, for some reason they refuse to prescribe more than 1 G of Valtrex daily. Not sure as to the reason why. I will definitely bring it up during my next appointment. 

I'm still so amazed by the lack of knowledge that doctors have on this. What the number of people impacted you would think that the research would be at the top of the list for them. Someone on another post on here suggested seeing a functional medicine doctor (that's also board certified). That may be something to consider.

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