Accepted Then Rejected

[Jules1967]

So I’ve been HSV2 positive for 26 years. I got it from my husband who passed away 3 years ago and am just now trying to find my way into this whole dating scene ...ugh. It’s hard enough to date at 51 years old but with the ol virus thing makes it just that much harder.  Well I met this wonderful guy and the connection was instant (he is widowed as well so we really bonded in that area) however the feeling of being rejected was in the back of my head. We went out on three dates three nights in a row (at his request) so after the third date I had to do the ol texting disclosure (I know, chicken of me).  He responded nicely and then still wanted to continue seeing me. He said he did research and we just need to be careful. Wow, how awesome is this I thought.  He continued to call me and we went out daily and he spent the night several times and I did as well at his place.  2 months later, he drops a bombshell on me and says “this just hit me in the face. I know it sounds shallow but I don’t think I can continue this after you told me you were having an episode”. I was very upfront. I don’t get many OB, maybe one a year and it’s nothing. I get one little sore on my ass cheek and when I told him at that time what was going on he said “we both knew it was bound to happen sooner or later, so what’s wrong”. I think I could’ve handled the rejection easier if he would’ve said he couldn’t see me right off the bat rather that string me along. Anyways, after that rejection, I have major trust issues as far as a man accepting this.  

Has anybody else out there dealt with acception then rejection?  

[LNAA1]

I am just dealing with this right now. It hurts so much and makes me feel so worthless. And I dread having to have the talk with anyone else ever again. I really do feel like my life is over sometimes

[Jules1967]

I hear ya. I’m 51 and trying to start a whole new life and after my first rejection, I feel the same way on some days. Other days I just feel like “screw it, this is me and herpes hasn’t changed who I am, so if they have an issue, they are shallow and are only out for sex and nothing more meaningful “. I do have constant battles in my head but I can’t let the negativity win. 

[Freedom87]

Never acceptance then rejection, just rejection. It amazes me how uniformed people are on herpese. 

Ultimately it gets so old having to disclose. 

[missanonymous]

• @Jules1967 Do you find it hard to get back out there and date? I'm recently diagnosed 25F and I don't even want to bother thinking about dating anymore. (Which sucks cause I've always dreamed of being a wife and mother one day) How many times have you had to disclose? What do you say in your text?

You're very courageous!. 

[Newbie2018]

Not sure if it helps or not... I met someone who is hsv2 positive. She told me after 3 weeks and my response was I don't want that to define or relationship.  6 months and going well.  When you find the right person it works out 

[Dating again]

I’m in your same shoes. My husband died sept 2019, and I was having so much fun dating the past couple of months. I met a great guy and things got way carried away and we had sex before i disclosed my condition. Now I’m scared to death to tell him. I feel awful I didn’t tell him earlier. You’re not alone in this angst of dating after loss with herpes. ❤️

[kimmyle]

After I am 25 and I have it for 4 years now. I feel so broken, i feel I am not worth anything to anyone. I got rejected and it hurts so much. I feel like i might be facing depression. After awhile it makes no sense disclosing . I just stay by myself , thinking I will never find anyone.

[Looking4]

Julie day

[Whitigerlily]

I have lived with hsv2 for 17 yrs, I was only 17 when I was diagnosed and had not met "Mr. Right" so I have sadly gone thru this many, many times. I can't say it gets any easier. But I can say their not all like that, and I've met some great people along the way. Have you tried the online dating sites? Its different, but it helps skip over the hardest part, having to have the talk.

[RiRiRi]

My last boyfriend gave me HSV2 after dating for 5 months. I assumed he didn’t know he had it because I couldn’t imagine him ever putting me at risk. I was so sick with fever, malaise, and it hurt to walk for 2 weeks. He accepted responsibility and got tested. He was positive for HSV2. He told me he would be there for me and we would just have to be careful and wash our hands after sex. 
He used to love giving me oral, but never did it again. After HSV, he would barely have sex with me once a month. Sometimes he would shower at 2 or 3 am after sex. Sometimes he would come to bed with all his clothes on. He wouldn’t talk to me about why we weren’t having sex. I took daily suppressive antivirals and tried to be patient with him for 8 months. 
I thought that maybe I had an OB once and he just rolled over and turned away from me. It made me feel disgusting, dirty, and unattractive. It totally cut down my self esteem and self confidence.

It never got better. He dumped me in the middle of COVID. We were social distancing and I think he was afraid of getting that from me too. 
At least in the future, the people who reject me won’t be the person who gave it to me.

[Jules1967]

Oh my gosh...what a chicken shit.  That’s just horrible.  I hope karma gets him.  I am learning to love myself regardless.  I haven’t been on the dating scene since that happened to me but it’s starting to get a bit lonely so I may try it once again. COVID certainly isn’t helping us but I’ll give it another go.  I did talk to a couple people on a herpes dating site but ughhhh...that was their main focus, the herpes diagnosis...no real conversation to even speak of.  Kinda weird.  You’d think ok, we know we both have it so...what do you like to do in your off time, what are your hobbies, any kids,...nope, none of that.  So back to the ol Zoosk it is 😂