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Loyalloulou

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Posts posted by Loyalloulou

  1. I've had these sores/razor like bumps downstairs since August 2018.which was when  I was diagnosed with hsv1..  I can't stand to look at myself anymore. I don't think I can move on in life. I  don't want to be the one who ruins someone life. im advoing my spouse bc I  don't want to be the one to fuck up his life. I won't be able to leave my life like this. I have suicidal thoughts all the time. no one knows but me and my spouse. he says everything going to be okay. and he still wants to be with me. I feel like a monster bc we have unprotected sex he says he doesn't care about it and that he will always love me for me.  I feel guilty even though he wants too. I feel even more disgusted because I don't know when I'm having an outbreak or anything.  

  2. 2 hours ago, Carmensandiego said:

    Hey you! Are you feeling better?

    @Carmensandiego I  get depressed and paranoid when I have contact with a kid. I fear that I will pass it on to an innocent child. I recently had a cold sore/blister more like a pimple on my lip and I totally forgot about it.  I made a mistake and kind of  put my lips on my one-year old nephew. the side of the my lip wasn't infected. then we were on vacation and I stayed inside the resort all day bc of it. he started wit a rash all over his body but it started  way before i even did that but I'm freaking out bc I think it's my fault!!!

  3. @Carmensandiego I  get depressed and paranoid when I have contact with a kid. I fear that I will pass it on to an innocent child. I recently had a cold sore/blister more like a pimple on my lip and I totally forgot about it.  I made a mistake and kind of  put my lips on my one-year old nephew. the side of the my lip wasn't infected. then we were on vacation and I stayed inside the resort all day bc of it. he started wit a rash all over his body but it started  way before i even did that but I'm freaking out bc I think it's my fault!!!

  4. it's one of those nights.. I contemplate about killing myself. I get sick to my stomach knowing that I have something that won't go away. I get depressed paranoid bc I think it'll lead to something else or I will pass it on to a kid. I just shut down completely when I come on contact with a kid. I be so mean but that's only bc I want to protect them. my relationship with my bf haven't changed. I'm guessing. he cheated on me but I'm the one was punished with hsv1. he okay he still want to move on have kids even unprotected sex but I feel like a monster. what if I give it to him? he said he didn't care and he still loves me and what yo be with me.. Is it bc he cheated on me and feel bad..I  try to dodge having sex idk when I'm having am outbreak or not. I feel like it will lead to hiv/aids or me giving to someone I love but I'll break me even more if I gave it to a kid.. sorry  to be all over the place. it's just one of those nights 

  5. I had a cold sore which was healing and I completely forgot and made a mistake a kind of put my lips on my one-year old nephew.. I'm so paranoid and freaking bc now he has a rash all over his body.. which kinda was starting before i even touch him. I get so sad if I  get close to kids bc I don't want to ruin anyone life. could I possibly have gave him  hsv1

  6. today I thought about killing myself. today I stayed in bed and cried all day. the though of having this makes me sad. :(. im very paranoid. I'm going to give  it to the kids that be here. I would really go crazy if I give it any child. I hate myself. I find myself throwing cups and silverware away. bc I'm scared I'll pass this on to some one. I isolate mys elf from around others. I really hate myself. I have nobody to vent to. how can I have hsv1 when I have rash in my pubic hair area.  and it been there for almost two months. this has to be somethin else. deep down I know something else is wrong but I'm afraid to go to the Dr 

  7. exactly. okay they say it's a skin condition/disease but why does it stay it shows up in blood. I'm actually accepting the fact that I have it* I was recently diagnosed with hsv1. Drs doesnt care about it. I didn't get any information or medication. each Dr told me it wasn't anything to worryabout! but deep down inside I felt like something was wrong I know my body. but this is motivation for me to continue school and find a cure for herpes. 

     

    your future scientist 

    • Like 3
  8. The more I pray the worst it gets I pray everyday god take me soon. I fight everyday to not think about killing myself I know I'm going to do it just don't know when I'm tired. No one will ever love me or accept me I'll never be happy. I'm only 24 and my life is at a stand still. All I ever wanted to do was to get married and have kids.  It makes me sick to my stomach to even look at one or even when one comes near me. And lately my nieces and nephews been stuck under as if they can feel if something is wrong. I just pushed them away 

  9. Update? 

    On 8/21/2018 at 7:17 AM, sarahsfocus said:

    I have to ask how accurate is the IGg test? I took my herpes test the 1st of August and I got my results on the 9th and then on the 17th I had a painful red line on my Labia Majora.i went back to the doctors yesterday the 20th of August and she swabbed me.she thinks it's yeast.she doesn't think have hsv2.i am so scared about this. I don't know where that red line would come from. I have been married for 25 years.my husband says he hasn't cheated on me.i know I haven't cheated on him.  I have to ask if I had hsv2 wouldn't the IGg blood test have picked it up?

    Update?

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