Victory_in_Defeat
-
Posts
29 -
Joined
-
Last visited
-
Days Won
4
Posts posted by Victory_in_Defeat
-
-
I can honestly say I know how that feels. I've got a coworker, very loud Australian guy, and he jokes about STD's, rashes, etc. non stop. Even saw the episode on Family Guy regarding a toilet calling his "girl friend" telling her he has herpes.
Not sure if you're a Game of Thrones fan, but there is a part in Season One where Tyrion tells Jon Snow how to deal with being a bastard. In which he says "wear it like armor, and it can never be used against you". Basically, it's something that comes in time. Most people don't know what it's like to have an infectious disease, and if they do, they may cope by making fun of it or other people
You would be surprised to find out exactly how many people around you have GHSV 1/2. The important thing is to remember that this does not define who you are. It's a condition like any other. You are YOU. They will never know what you go through, or how much you suffer in silence,. It certainly takes a stronger person to have to be dealt this hand of cards, and turn it into a winning hand. Though I will promise you, that it is certainly doable. And you've come to the right place to find out how.
One step at a time. And I for one will be here every step of the way.
-
Greetings @blessedheart89
From the information available online, you are correct. Oral HSV2 is indeed uncommon. Also symptoms take longer than one night to appear; typically around 48 hours. The chapped area on his lip is likely caused by something else. In my opinion, you both can rest easy.
-
Hello @Lovenhope
You're absolutely right; what you're experiencing is grief, regardless of what the source is. As humans, we are creatures of habit, and major changes in our lives can certainly cause some havoc on our psyche.
I'm sorry to hear that your doctor is so insensitive about your situation. They'll probably still collect a paycheck, drive away in their Audi, go home to pay off the bare minimum interest payment on their student loans while sitting in a half-empty house eating Lucky Charms for dinner. It angers me so much that medical "professionals" can be so uneducated about situations that they're supposed to be experts in and honestly should have no business interacting with other human beings.
Unfortunately I can not tell you when you will begin to feel better. I can tell you that HSV is not a deal breaker for everyone. There will still be someone out there that is more than willing to love you for you. However, I don't think you should worry about all that right now. Take some time to focus on YOU. I was raised by an old school father and I can tell you that I have broken down crying on my way to and from work. It's a bit sad for me to admit, that me, as a grown man, have been on my knees in the shower balling my eyes out. But screw it, I am who I am and I feel what I feel. If you need to cry, then go for it.
Take the time to get yourself back on track and everything else will fall back into place. Until then, feel what you need to feel.
-
1
-
-
As I say to everyone here, I am so sorry you found yourself on this site. All the feelings must be amplified by the fact that the HSV transmission came from a sexual assault. Words can not express how sorry I am, and though my words will bring little comfort, I really do wish that you can find peace and that justice finds that monster.
With all that said, I'm glad you found yourself here on this forum. Life certainly has a way of kicking us while we're down; ensuring that we remain on a roller coaster of events and never quite letting us find the level ground that we seek. In my 30 years of life on this Earth, I have experienced more heartache than I ever have joy. And yet as the A-Ha's once said in their One-Hit-Wonder "Take On me", I'm slowly learning that life is okay. (They have a terrific unplugged MTV version that you can find on youtube that I think is worth a watch).
But if I leave you with nothing else, remember this, nothing is over. You're a person that deserves to be loved, held and cared for. Nothing about this virus, or the events surrounding it, can take that from you. I won't lie to you, yes, this does present some new challenges to us, but it's far, far, far from impossible. You can still be a wife, have kids and enjoy a family. And with everything you've experience so far, I am certain you would make a great mother.
This will take some time to understand, as most things do, but I promise you that one day, you will see that none of this defines who you are as a person. Take as much time as you need to feel your feelings and work things out in your head. I and most everyone on this site, will be here if you need us. I''m on this site nearly everyday, so please feel free to reach out if you ever need someone to talk to.
-
1
-
-
On 12/13/2018 at 8:34 PM, Jason said:
Just found out I have HSV1 on my Genital. I have so many emotions, suicidal thoughts, stupidly, pain, hurt.... I just don’t what to do next. If someone can please tell me how to cope with this I would appreciate it. Please!
Jason, first off as I tell everybody on this forum, I am truly sorry you have found yourself here. I know the feelings you are experiencing all too well.
With that said, I'm glad you are here, all of us here have experienced the same emotions you now battle with. Reading posts on this forum and interacting with people who have similar experiences has certainly helped me to cope. For weeks I replayed the day of my exposure in my head. I wanted more than anything to change the events of that day. But alas, I can't change whats already done.
The whole ordeal definitely took me to a dark place. Took me a while to be able to accept my new situation. Hard thing for me to admit, but I definitely cried more in a two month time period than I had in my entire life.
I think everyone has their own ways to cope, but there are healthy ways to do so. I am on this site nearly everyday, please feel free to message me any time if you would like to talk.
Also please talk to someone, anyone, if you get to a point in which you may hurt yourself. Suicide is certainly not the answer.
I really do wish you all the best.
-
I'll agree that not disclosing to someone is the WRONG choice. As someone who was on the other end of that stick; I'll tell you that it hurts.... a lot. And now I live with that fact every day of my life.
But, not everything you said was correct. We are all humans. And part of being humans is making mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes affect other people. I'm an Iraq war veteran, and I will tell you, that not every choice we made at the time was best for all involved. It is one thing to reconcile these facts with the creator (whoever that may be for you), but it is another to square it with yourself. I've been to more funerals than I have ever been weddings or baby showers. I got really good at saying goodbye. My point is, that I feel guilty for everything that happened in my past. And this haunts me everyday of my life. I've even expressed my guilt to the parents of my fallen brothers, in which one father said to me "you did your part", and nothing else, which hurt me even more..
No matter what I do, I can't change yesterday. I can't fix my mistakes. Yet that does not mean that I don't serve a purpose. There are people I can help. There are still lives I can touch for the better. Your fight is far from over. Yesterday will always contain its share of pain. But that doesn't have to have an impact on tomorrow.
It's certainly hard to forgive ourselves for our past actions. But I think it is important that you try, You didn't end a life. Your friend is still alive, he still breathes, he has a chance. I can not say the same about some of mine. You've stood up and took responsibility for your actions and posted them here. And that is something I can appreciate. The past will always be dark and seek to drag you down, but forward is the only option left to us. I wish you the very best and pray that you're not too hard on yourself. After all, we're all in this together. You're the only one that can lift yourself from this feeling, though I will certainly try to help.
-
2
-
-
First off @Melly1244 as I say to everyone, I'm sorry you have found yourself on this site. In a perfect world, none of us would be here and this site would not exist.
With that said, I'm glad you found your way to this site and are seeking answers for something that can be very scary. First off, I'm not a female, but I'm sure one of the females on this site can give you some more accurate information. Also, I am an engineer, not a doctor, so don't take every word of mine to be fact.
What I can tell you, is that you're right, some of the symptoms you are experiencing could very well be herpes, but at the same time, symptoms of a particular illness does not necessarily mean you have it. Symptoms are only an indication of a possibility of a disease, not a certainty.
HSV unfortunately can be very difficult to identify as it is a virus. The body typically responds to viruses in the same manner which is why you may experience some of the same symptoms of other illnesses, such as the flu. However, the length of time that you have experienced these symptoms is not typically associated with HSV, though it is still conceivable.
My best suggestion is to have yourself tested, for HSV2. Since you already have had cold sores, I assume your are already positive for oral HSV1 - the virus typically associated with cold sores (though not exclusively). It is highly unlikely, though possible, to have HSV1 on both the oral and the genital region. It is more likely (but still unlikely) to have HSV2 on your genitals and HSV1 orally. However, the only way to know for sure, is to have yourself tested.
My second suggestion, is to try and relax. Stress is a known cause for an outbreak. Even if you didn't have an HSV infection, stress is still bad for your overall health and will not help your situation. I know this is easier said than done, but worrying about your situation will not serve a purpose in this case. As of right now, we don't know anything for certain, so drawing conclusions and connecting dots that don't exist will not help you.
I really do wish you the best of luck and hope you feel better soon.
-
@Susannahofthewolves Wanting to just shut the world out and stay home is a completely natural reaction. It's so hard to focus on things like work, considering all of the world's problems seem insignificant when compared to our life long....condition.
I hope you can find peace between you and your partner. My "giver" failed to mention her condition before our first encounter. I no longer speak to her as I have nothing pleasant to say to her. It's certainly not easy feeling like a victim.
I also completely understand your concern about finding new future partners. I certainly struggled finding a companion before the infection, and now I'm just not sure if I ever will. I did write a thread on this forum about dating yourself. It's something I wrote while drinking, however my sober-self read it and did thank my drunk-self for the insight. I've currently been trying that for now and it's actually worked out so far.
As someone who is in the same boat, I really do wish you the best of luck.
-
13 hours ago, Amando said:
I believe the virus dies after only 10 seconds if not on skin.
Also I have read on so many herpes websites that you can not get the virus from towels, toilets seats etc
@Amando is correct. According to a study done by the New Zealand Herpes Foundation, the virus can only live for a few seconds outside of or off of the body. Which means by the time you put the cap back on your chap stick, the virus would have already died off.
You're a terrific aunt for the concern, but your nephew will be fine.
-
On 10/23/2018 at 2:17 PM, Jasmine10 said:
It's been 19 days since my life changed.
I know nothing I write will be ANYTHING new to the folks here, but I feel like I have to just get it out in hope that hearing some positive words can help. My meditation app says to share it with fellow sufferers and that you will feel better (a cancer program cos I couldn't find anything for us). I actually feel like cancer is better than this because 1. people will at least sympathize with you and of course support you 2. people would still wanna sleep with you 3. it CAN be fucking cured and 4. if it can't be cured well then you're gonna die soon anyway so it's not like you're gonna suffer that much longer. Whereas this? A lifetime of being condemned? And I rage at the unfairness of this stigma, all because some bigpharmas want to make money now millions of people have to live lives less than what it could have been. I actually was diagnosed w Cervical dysplasia and haven't had a recheck yet. I read HSV 2 doubles the chance it turns into cancer - I can't believe I'm actually thinking maybe that will be better, then I can die soon. It's so crazy yet I know so many have entertained similar suicidal thoughts so I'm just going to share my darkest thought. And yes of course I've thought of just ending my life but can't think of an easy way to do it.
I am also SO upset at myself. SO upset. I don't even feel upset at the guy I'm internalizing ALL the blame. Yes he was probably the most gorgeous guy I had ever gone on a date with, yes he said when I asked "no condom?" "I don't have anything, do you?" but how could I have trusted a guy I was only out with for a second time, whom I met on Tinder, whose last name I didn't even know? I later found it he had used a fake name and wouldn't give me any details that would allow me to figure out who he really is - and I now think it's because he has this and wants to infect women anonymously. He also unmatched me on tinder the very next day. I managed to find out his real name..but like what am I going to do with it? I'm not going to press charges and have everyone know MY dirty little secret now.
I regret SO badly the friend who suggested I use Tinder I NEVER used it because it was known as a hook up app. I regret so badly the decision that caused me to stay in this one city longer than I otherwise would have (and if i had just waited ONE more day ONE more day to make that decision and got one last piece of information I needed, I would have decided otherwise WHY was I so impatient WHY.), and was therefore bored and decided to go on tinder - I was on it for 3 days before going inactive it as I lost interest, when this model of a guy messaged me and I thought oh well why not? look at that BODY! Coming to this city has been so great for my career. But it has destroyed the rest of my life, and is already completely negatively impacting my career because I can't focus for SHIT on it.
It's like at so many points, my path could have been different with just a different choice. Oh all the IF ONLYS -it's really eating me up inside. My life would have gone on as per usual - and from my vantage point now, I see how GOOD I really had it. And I realized it then too! It's not like I took it for granted. I was finally feeling happy and that I loved my life. After struggling for years I was finally finally in a good place with men and dating, and with just my emotional and mental happiness in general. Even my career that has long been a struggle, was finally starting to show signs of positivity and I was finally feeling the commitment to give it 100%
And now all that has turned to shit. I literally called the universe a big fucking cunt. Really, you see me FINALLY in a good place with men with so many attractive suitors (having a rough time w men had been my big stumbling block for the last 3 years), FINALLY happy, FINALLY filled on an almost daily basis with gratitude for my wonderful life, and then you have a man yank it away from me just like this. This is the act of a fucking CUNT. (pardon me if you're feeling triggered by the word)
You know what I hate? I hate waking up in the mornings. I finally go to sleep and it's often peaceful (with so far just one nightmare of infecting my hypothetical partner) but that means when I first wakeup from a relatively peaceful slumber..I wake up into a nightmare. I WAKE UP EVERY MORNING IN A NIGHTMARE. That is the worst part. To wake up after being able to be unconscious about this for 6-8 hours and realize I'm still in this nightmare. This is really happening. I cannot believe it yet it really did happen. And I'm trying so hard to do mind over matter and take all my herbs n supplements in the hopes that it's not too late to reverse this, that if I fight this now then maybe I will never get another OB and it will all go back to normal - but the stress...and you all know stress is a trigger. I have these weird feelings in my stomach...I am guessing this is anxiety? I think it's anxiety. Depression of course that I can recognize. When I go out and socialize, I can sorta get my shit together and I feel relatively ok cos I'm connecting with people. Today I was with some people and then i left to go home and as i was about to get on the bus I thought omg I don't want to go home. Home and alone is where the nightmare starts again. And I went back to re-join them. When it finally came time to leave, the stomach palpitations started again. I've no one with me. I will never have anyone with me.
Every day is a struggle. From the worst part of the day - the morning nightmare that I realize I am now living in, that will always be living in, fighting depression throughout the day, USUALLY to feeling a bit better by night when I am socializing, reading posts on this forum and the internet and googling if there will be a cure and feeling not so terrible by the time I go to bed (usually) and then waking up in the morning and the nightmare starts. Most people start of the day bright and fresh right? I start it off with a nightmare and then it gets progressively better throughout the day, but just when I think I'm done and go to bed, I wake up in this nightmare all over again. I'm not the only one who feels they wake up in a nightmare am I? Are mornings the hardest for other people too?
And it's not comforting to read that non newly diagnosed people are still struggling years later. So it can actually not get any better! And how can it? THERE IS NO FUCKING CURE! My symptoms are hardly anything. Had I not had a freakout about not using protection and googled possible stds and checked, I would have never noticed the two little spots that gave me no physical pain but have now caused more emotional anguish than I've ever known my entire life. And I am sad that there might never be a cure because Pharma has no incentive to cure this. Theravax was stopped because of lack of funding for phase 3 trials it wasn't reported that it stopped cos it wasn't working. It would take really someone like that "rogue" scientist that tested his vacccine in the Caribbean (that a lot of people in the trial said really helped them actually), someone really passionate about this to really get a cure. But he's dead now. Who else will there be?
How is it that a condition that causes SO LITTLE physical harm, can bring full grown men and women like myself to the verge of ending their physical existence. How can this be so?
I think today was the day I finally admitted to myself that I don't have the strength. I don't have the strength to handle this. At first I tried to tell myself that there are certainly worse things right, could have been HIV, I could have lost limbs in an accident but it's not enough no amount of it could have been worse makes me feel better because - it could have also NOT been this AND anything else worse. I could have gone on my happy and amazing life. I'm usually single, and was not worried about finding a partner - I figured ok if it comes it comes. But to think and feel that now i'm NEVER going to find one, or that my already slim chances (for various reasons) have now all but evaporated...just brings me to the depths of despair. I never knew how important it was to me to find love (i've never been truly in love before) until now, when it seems like I never will. And I know there are many success stories but I've also heard so many stories of disclosure going the other way that I can't help but feel pessimistic. And yes of course I've debated with not disclosing and acting like I don't have it - but I also know the stress of not doing will likely eat me inside. I messaged someone here who chose not to disclose and I see it eating HIM up inside. It's a lose-lose situation damned if you disclose damned if you don't. And yes maybe just maybe there's the possibility of someone being ok with it - like REALLY ok (not say they are ok then change their minds) but I can't imagine someone would be. If a guy came up to me with all these facts and all I did was google "herpes" and see those images and see that hsv 2 comes with what 4-6 recurrences the first YEAR I'd totally freak out too and run away because I'd think no guy is 1. worth doing that to myself physically and 2. mentally having to bear the burden of this stigma the rest of my life. Like if things didn't work out between us then I'm now a pariah and can't find anyone else? Who would sign up for this? I'm so glad for EVERYONE who found people who didn't care but from my vantage point I just don't see how a rational person would sign up for the risk of contracting something so so so psychologically damaging even if you can manage the physical symptoms. Unless you are so SURE someone is life partner material but even then...how many marriages end in divorce again? And to go back into the dating world with this liability...I know I wouldn't take that risk so I can't see how someone else would for me. And people say the right guy won't care etc, but it's not like I'm Scarlett Johannsen where guys would take a bullet AND herpes just for the chance to fuck her. And I'm not unattractive, I was confident of my abilities to attract a guy before this, but that confidence is all gone now. I look in the mirror and I see this beautiful girl with a gorgeous figure, intelligent (but not intelligent enough to fucking say NO to unprotected sex with a fucking STRANGER whose last name I didn't know - like HOW is it that I protect my fucking PHONE with a cover but I don't protect MY OWN BODY?!) whom NO guy is going to want now. (I know many here will beg to differ, but I can't seem to see it otherwise. I can't see how anyone who cared about their physical and mental health would want to take that risk for anyone (other than Scarlett J :). I've talked to my shrink 3 days in ONE week. She has FOUR clients who all told guys they were dating and they didn't care. I couldn't believe it. It gives me a BIT of hope but really not much. I just don't see my "dream" guy going for it. Do I have to settle for less of a guy than I otherwise would have been able to have because of this? I do feel that way. And more so, I'm trying to tell myself it's not so bad if I never have a life partner...I mean the Dalai Lama is single and happy right? But it still breaks my heart. I wanted to at least have the HOPE of finally finding someone. I love watching romantic movies. Now they are just going to be sad movies for me, of what I will never have. I even think of setting up a colony/community of die hard singles so we will at least have each other to grow old with.
And I can't share this with any friend. Well I did with two acquaintances cos I knew they have this too. I just hope they keep my confidence. But I have been unable to share this with anyone else in my real circle of friends it's so painful and I can't share. Everyone looks at how amazing my life and career looks on social media...and I read the congratulations!! and I think - but I have this. I have this. And I can't even absorb my friends feeling happy for me because I have this big giant reason not to be happy. To be more miserable than at any other point in my life. To feel like my life is no longer worth living.
Yes I know intellectually it's stupid to take one's life cos of a benign skin condition. I DON'T EVEN HAVE BAD SYMPTOMS! But the psychological burden is too much for me to bear. I don't think I'm strong enough. Does medication help? Anti-anxiety and anti-depression pills? Does that help the mental anguish? And I want to call my shrink now just to cry to her. Like we don't even have to talk. I have to now PAY someone just to cry to because I can't tell this to any friend. (I also had a friend once tell me HER friend had herpes. I BARELY know her friend. PEOPLE TALK and if word gets out i'd be just so so embarrassed) I am going for my cervical dysplasia check up soon, and I almost want to have cancer now so I can cry to my friends and say it's cancer when really it's this, and tell them no my life is NOT going as great as it looks on social media I'm having a total and complete breakdown and i have never been this close to ending my life than now.
I am in tears now. I am finally in tears after writing this far and finally pouring it all out in full. For days I couldn't cry I don't know why I couldnt cry. The first several days couldn't bring myself to shed a tear was just numb I think. Then I had to send a message to this REALLY sweet guy I was JUST starting to date, saying I couldn't see him anymore. And I broke down and cried at having to send that message. Today is the second time in 19 days I cried. And I can't tell my family. My parents have been married for donkey years and were each other's firsts. My siblings have both always been in long term rships. I'm the only one always single, and now they'll know that I've been fucking around and it's going to be all my fault. It's not like cancer that comes to the most innocent of people. And I realize how WELL condoms protect us you know? I've had a decent amount of fun, and condoms always kept me safe. Now this ONE mistake and a lifetime to pay for it. For what 2 mins - and he wasn't even good! FUCK THIS ASSHOLE!! Wow so the tears have finally come...this was what it took. It took me really just sharing everything I think and feel, rather than thinking them over and over again in my head.
If you took the time to read this at all, even some of it, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being a witness to my breakdown. Because my closest and dearests cannot.
I have never associated with something more than I associate with this. This just sums up all of my emotions, even now. I'll admit that every now and then I come back to this post and read your words just to remind myself that there is someone else out there that feels the same way I do. Thank you so much for this.
-
1
-
-
First off, let me say that I'm sorry you have found yourself here. Not everyone will understand what you're currently going through. It's certainly a tidal wave of emotion that makes getting out of bed in the morning very difficult.
With that said, I'm glad you found your way to this site. I myself have spent countless hours going through this forum reading words of just absolute emotional pain from people who now have to live with HSV1/2. You need to keep in mind that you did nothing wrong. You did not get to make a choice and this certainly is not your fault. I know it can be difficult to forgive and accept yourself, but it's definitely important that you try.
I won't say something as cliche as "It's going to be okay", because I know that would be very difficult to accept right now. What I will say though is you're not alone and though the next few weeks will be tough, we'll be here every step of the way.
-
1
-
-
So glad to hear that you've finally found some relief and some peace of mind.
-
1
-
-
At 30 years old, I think I was actually in love only once. I never told her how I felt, and yet I made it my life's work to make her smile everyday (we worked together). I call it love, because it brought me more joy to make her smile than I have ever felt in my entire life. I thought about her all the time, and even often dreamt about her. I can close my eyes even now and picture her smiling face, and that makes me smile, even now.
BUT since we worked together, I didn't want to tell her how I felt. Not until I was sure that she would understand my feelings. So in the mean time, I sought out other sexual partners, but my heart always belonged to her. I think anyone reading this knows what ended up happening next. I blame my "giver" for this, because she didn't tell me, but I also blame myself. As a wartime veteran, and someone who has had to say good bye way too many times, I just can not forgive myself for letting this happen. I have life because of my brothers in arms; I was given a chance to be happy because of their sacrifice, and I screwed it all to hell.
I thought I had lost happiness after I lost her. Not that I ever had her, but I thought maybe I could still find a way to be happy. Well, that's not entirely true, I'm not sure if I will ever be happy again.
AND with that said, I wanted to share with you all something that I found a while ago, and yet, it's probably something that at least one person here on this site needs to see. And if I can make at least one person on this site smile, then maybe I can find a way back to being myself.
Our featured presentation my friends is none other than Keanu Reeves *insert applause here*. This comes from the fact that so many people seem anxious about getting back into the dating scene after our initial diagnosis. The truth is, we first need to accept ourselves and our situation well before we can think about a meaningful relationship. And for the first time on this site, I'm not talking about our herpes situation, but rather about our lives (with or without herpes).
Mr. Reeves was once approached and asked about why he has remained single for as long as he had. His response was this:
"Someone told me the other day that he felt bad for single people because they are lonely all the time. I told him that's not true, I'm single and I don't feel lonely. I take myself out to eat, I buy myself clothes, I have great times by myself. Once you know how to take care of yourself, company becomes an option and not a necessity."
He would also be quoted by saying:
"Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things..."
If we can not love ourselves and accept ourselves for who we are, how can we possibly expect someone else to accept us. Rejection hurts, I am not disputing that fact, but if you are being rejected for what you have, rather than for who you are, then you really need to evaluate the people you are seeing.
So date yourself. Break the rules and go see a movie by yourself. Take yourself out for a walk on the beach and buy yourself a new hat, and a cookie. And some ice cream. We only get one life in this world, and despite the fact that we have all been dealt a shitty hand, the game is not over.
-
5
-
-
@Ishmael I appreciate the responses. Judging from your posts I can tell you're someone who has had to deal with many things over the course of your life. That wisdom is not lost on me, and I am more than willing to accept advice from someone such as yourself.
With that said, I feel that you may have missed the point of my response.
14 minutes ago, Ishmael said:Warts are also the result of a virus. They are also a skin condition. Those are not mutually exclusive terms.
This is true. However, this website was intended to aid those experiencing one or more strains of the Herpes Simplex Virus; that is not to say that we do not offer support to anyone experiencing any other condition. Regardless of that fact, whether it be HSV1/2 or HPV, these are viruses, not skin conditions. Herpes and its effects are not isolated to your skin, it does not lay dormant in your skin, and most of all, unlike actual skin conditions, it is contagious. You can not downplay a contagious virus by just saying "Oh since it only visibly appears on your skin and is transmitted via skin to skin contact, it's a skin condition".
28 minutes ago, Ishmael said:I think that not only will you find that lots of people in their right mind have accepted it, but that those that have are mentally healthier than those that haven't.
There was a part of my statement that was implied, but not explicitly stated, given it was poorly worded. What I meant in my statement is that none of us would ask to be infected with HSV1/2. None of us would even want to encounter the virus if given the choice. There are those who were exposed to this virus by a spouse, meaning there was already stability and commitment involved. Others were exposed by someone they cared about deeply and accepted the risks. However, there are those of us that had no such ties to our "giver", and were left with absolutely nothing after the encounter except a contagious virus that we could now spread to the rest of the world. That fact is something we have to accept, because we are given no other alternative. Accepting the virus itself however, is a different matter entirely.
-
1
-
1
-
-
I believe the OP in this case is absolutely right. Herpes is not just a skin condition, it's a virus. Despite it being a life long condition, the worst thing about herpes, by far, is the fact that it is contagious. Imagine for a moment that herpes wasn't contagious. Given, if that were the case, none of use would have it, but if there was ZERO risk that we could pass this along, the vast majority of people wouldn't care who had it and who didn't. Sure herpes would be unsightly during outbreaks, but then again so is Acne. And yet, there is no danger of passing Acne to another individual.
It's like being the kid on the playground with lice. Every other kid has been told to avoid the kids with lice. Unfortunately, herpes can't be cured by using medicated shampoo.
It's a natural human reaction to not want to put one's self in danger. With herpes being a life sentence, nobody in their right mind would willingly accept herpes as part of their life. With that said, what's done is done. We're all here because of our or someone else's choices. How we choose to deal with this, is our own choice. Being honest and disclosing our condition to another person is hard, but being honest and squaring the fact with yourself, seems to be even harder.
-
2
-
2
-
-
I didn't have the opportunity to make an informed decision like you now have. That choice was made for me.
If you have any doubts at all, then don't do it, and don't feel guilty about it. It's your body and it's your job to take care of it, because we only get one.
-
@TopJimmy Well not quite. I'll spare you the entire story, but basically I did not know she was positive for GHSV2, and neither did she. She was not on any medication and we did not use a condom.
I did not find out about her positive results until 9 days after our encounter. Ironically enough, it's the exact same day I begun to develop symptoms.
Just lucky I guess.
-
@Skman Well first off my friend, let me start off by saying I'm sorry you found yourself in this position. I know that feeling all too well.
Secondly, breathe. Your chances of being infected with herpes is extremely low. Even without her taking medication or you wearing the condom, your chances of becoming infected when she is not currently experiencing an outbreak is low, between 4-5%. With her taking meds and the condom, your chances are like below 1%.
Your mind right now is your biggest enemy. Use google to educate yourself, but at the same time.... STAY OFF GOOGLE. You will do nothing but cause yourself more anxiety. Just relax. It'll be okay.
-
@TopJimmy I think you're doing the right thing by researching and seeking answers on this site. The woman is a person who deserves to be in a relationship just like the rest of the world.
It's good that she disclosed to you, though preferably she should have done so before any sexual activity. Many of us here on this website were not afforded the same opportunity.
With that said, I really think you should take some time to consider what all this means. Like you, I spent hours reading the online documentation on the specifics of the herpes virus. I read the statistics. Studies show I had a 5% chance of becoming infected with HSV2. Regardless if the chance is 50% or 5% there is still a chance. And once infected, unfortunately there is no going back. Two months ago, I would have said 95% were pretty good odds. But now, I realize the numbers and studies, really don't mean a thing.
Best of luck to you, what ever you decide.
-
1
-
-
During a breakout, does any other males here have shooting pains throughout the entire penis? I heard nerve pain is common before/during a breakout, and there is a nerve in the penis. Just wondering if this is part of the outbreak or if I got something else going on.
-
First of all, I'm not a nurse, but I have never heard of that being a thing at all.
Here's a post in which one of the responses was from someone on this site who is in fact, a nurse.
-
Is this nerve pain in the genital region? Or does it include the lower back and legs region as well?
-
According to a site I read, it is possible to transfer the virus to another part of the body. However, it is unlikely. I've pasted the quote down below:
"
Can you spread HSV to another part of your body?
Yes, that is called self-inoculation.
However, HSV is not as easily spread to another part of the body as it was initially contracted because your antibodies will provide some protection. The risk of self-inoculation is even further reduced if the first HSV infection is outside of the types’s site of preference (HSV1 orally and HSV2 genitally), because the virus reactivates and asymptomatically sheds less when it is outside of its site of preference.
Although there’s no way to discern who will asymptomatically shed the virus and when it will be shedding, shedding data appear to parallel recurrence data, meaning that people who have a lot of recurrences also have a lot of shedding.
"
-
1
-
-
Well after about 2 weeks of using the medication, my scrotum no longer itches or burns. Some days I don't even realize I've got it. It does continue to be red and dry though, but I'm wondering if this is a side effect of the medication.
There's most definitely something going on in my downstairs region, I just don't know what it is. I'm currently at 5 weeks since exposure and I plan to get tested again next month. Until then, it's a whole lot of waiting and anxiety. A lot of anxiety.
.jpg)
Completely blow away and shocked
in Just found out I have herpes
Posted
Well, as I tell everyone I speak to on here, I am sorry that you found yourself on this site. A diagnosis of any life long disease is certainly not easy to accept.
I think there's a couple of things that need to be said about the information you provided. First of which is whether you tested positive for HSV1 or HSV2. A large portion of the U.S. population is infected with HSV1. If you tested positive for this, then it's really not out of the ordinary.
Secondly, there is a pretty good chance of false positives depending on the IgG score. I believe a score of 3 and below is a good indication of a possible false positive, but apparently people have had higher scores and still ended up being negative when tested with a more sensitive test.
I understand that the results may have been a shock to you, but I can tell you that you've certainly come to the right place to find out how many people are in the exact same boat.