PhoenixRising_009
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Posts posted by PhoenixRising_009
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On 8/26/2019 at 9:28 PM, justbri. said:
I am a new member of this forum, but I have been reading posts for quite a while. @SeraLyn and @PhoenixRising_009 posts really helped me alot during dark moments! I was diagnosed with GHSV1 in December 2018. My Giver was my ex-boyfriend. He was 13 years my senior (I'm 25) and when I told him, his response was, "yeah, I used to get cold sores when I was younger, but I've never had a woman tell me they got anything from me." He then avoided accepting any responsibility stating, you could have got this from anybody, you can't say it was me. Even though he told me that he still loved and wanted to be intimate with me, my trust in him had been broken. He never empathized with me and distanced himself from me initially, stating that, he was hurt, because I blamed him for transmitting the virus to me. It was the beginning of the end of our relationship, but I stayed sexually involved with him until June of 2019. In the beginning I felt completely lost. I couldn't connect with who I was at all, and even had some fleeting thoughts that death would be better than having to ever tell anyone about this. I ultimately reached out to a friend who I knew had GHSV2, and she was a huge support. I told a guy I had previously dated and had remained friends with. He was coming on to me, as he usually does, and I just blurted out, "have you ever had a cold sore...well I have, on my genital area." He asked questions, hugged me, but I felt his energy change. I guess subconsciously I wanted to test if a man could still find me attractive despite this. In that moment I felt no one would accept me except someone who had it, hence the reason for continuing a sexual relationship with my Giver. Though I look back and realize how unhealthy of a choice it was mentally and emotionally to remain with him, I do recognize that his desire for me helped me to remember how sexy and desirable I still am. Regaining that confidence helped to clear my haze I was to remember everything I truly have to offer. I am an attractive, educated, and independent black woman. I love myself wholeheartedly and I am worthy of love. This diagnosis has served as an unfortunate wake up call to choose and invest in only those who will treat me accordingly.
With all that said, I still have moments of sadness that come over me in overwhelming waves. It truly is a day by day process. As I am beginning to desire dating and sex more, the reality that I will have to disclose becomes more real, and it just makes me cry sometimes. Like the big ugly cry, like the "WHY ME!" cry. But then I say, "oh well, fuck it," and I wipe those little self-pity tears away.
When it gets tough, and I say to myself, "Yes, Bri, you have GHSV1, but that is not who you are." You only live once and my life is far from done. There is so much more love and life for me out there, and I just have to break through this fear that I am honestly probably just making worse in my own head.
Any words of kindness and support are welcomed! I also love reading stories about how other's cope with their diagnosis and disclose while dating!
Sending positive vibes!
Thank you, I’m glad you were able to find encouragement here!
I am glad you were able to break away from a situation that was not the healthiest for you, that is definitely key!
I haven’t had an experience of disclosing to a new partner yet, so I’m unable to produce advice there. But in terms of dealing with my diagnosis, it usually doesn’t bother me until there’s a ob, which is becoming less and less frequent the longer I have it (I suppose).
This forum has definitely shown me that I am not alone and more people have this than we think (or who even know themselves), so whenever I’m experiencing a down time I try to remind myself of the facts, calm down, do my treatment and move on—kind of like a period, just get through it cause what else can I do (that’s another “incurable” situation I didn’t ask for).
Thank you for sharing your story and I wish you positivity as well.
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8 hours ago, Lstgryl said:
Hello all,
I have been having outbreaks every few months. They haven’t been bad, just slightly uncomfortable. I recently decided to switch to daily doses of valtrex as suppression therapy. I have been taking 500 mg daily for a little over a month. I have not missed a dose. Sadly, today I have what I now recognize as an outbreak. I’m so sad and depressed. I’m literally in bed in tears. I already try to push it from my mind everyday. No one knows besides my mom and my last partner. I just want to die. Clearly my body is not responding well to anything I have tried. How can I ever move on in life or think about a future with anyone? It sucks to be damaged goods.
I definitely can relate to whatever frustration or negative feelings you may be experiencing during an outbreak—it just isn’t a pleasant time, no matter what anyone tries to say. And I know thoughts can get overwhelming about your body, your future, etc. But please know, you are not damaged goods! You are as worthy as you were before this happened.
Some things to maybe consider:
how long have you had the virus (apparently over time, usually after the first year, the severity and regularity of outbreaks are supposed to decrease)
have you had any recent changes to your life, diet, stress, etc.?
what are your triggers (menstrual cycle & a lot of peanut butter I have discovered are mine). Maybe take some time to retrace your steps to see what may be triggering you.
All of this is easier said than done, and usually because it seems we have to be in the dark about this. But know that you have a community of support here, nothing about you or your body is less worthy. Suppressive therapy is meant to suppress the regularity of outbreaks, but you can still have outbreaks while taking the medicine, maybe consider speaking to your doctor.
I hope this was encouraging or helpful in some way.
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@movingforward I hope all went well. Your reception to feedback and the work toward unlearning some behaviors is amazing to hear. I hope you and your partner have been able to discuss and move forward.
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@_a_rayofsunshine_ welcome, I hope you are finding the thread resourceful--I definitely did when I joined. I am sorry you had to go through such frustration; as hard as it is to get this virus diagnosed, you'd think there wouldn't be so much stigma around what you could go yearsss without ever knowing you have.
I hate to sound as cliche as all the sites/articles/advice about disclosing, but the response truly is a reflection of that individuals character as well as their feelings toward you. It's not as if you withheld your diagnosis all this time, you did the healthiest and most practical thing you could: trust a health professional then get a second opinion if uncertain. If your partner can't respect or commend that then they're the unfortunate one.
If you both were able to work through blending your family, then I truly want to believe you all can make it through this. I really wish there was more information on the virus and better testing/testing recommendation because with it's like 0 negative health impact it should not have people feeling like it will end their relationship (trust me though, I had the same fears).
Wishing you and your family the best.
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@Moving4ward I think @SeraLyn made some very valid points, so I don't want to repeat. In regards to judging someone's past behavior, I've had the virus for 7 months now and when I first contracted it I had all these ideas about what could and couldn't happen, what people should and should not do, but then you begin to actually live with it, meet others who live with it, etc. and ideas change. Just because your partner had other sexual partners before, however casual, does not mean they were putting these individuals at risk. I do believe that to not disclose before sex without a barrier method is wrong (but that doesn't mean I'm for not disclosing if you do use a barrier method. I'm saying non-disclosure exists, sex is risky, and social stigma is like the number 1 reason people never say anything--the way we treat sex/sexual health in western culture needs to change--but I'll get off my soap box now).
I think right now, because it is so new and you are dealing with a lot of emotions, it's very easy to look at this person/their actions differently--I'm willing to go far enough that this could even be challenging whatever latent ideas you have regarding women's sexuality in terms of them being your "partner" or "love of your life," please don't take that as any sort of jab, I just know how men can get in regards to women and their sexuality, so it may be worth taking sometime with yourself, or a professional, to work through your own individual thoughts/feelings. The main thing I think worth investigating is why you were unwilling to know the results, even if the doctor said it looked like herpes, what if it was worse (because, truly, after living with this for the while it's like on the lowest of worst things you could have, from a medical standpoint, I will not deny that it can't be frustrating when you're going through an OB depending on symptoms.)
And because the virus is so common, because you don't know where it came from, because you both were complicit with withholding information from one another, I do think that a conversation is worth having--if you want to stay together. I think there is a lot the two of you can learn from one another. I know a lot of people who think that as long as you don't have sex during an OB you're protecting your partner, we don't know what her education is around the virus, what her views are regarding it--I mean no one talks about it, health professionals just tell you to wear a condom, etc. So there's a lot of factors that may have shaped her ideas around it and how to live with it/protect herself from spreading it.
I contracted it while in a relationship and my partner was not aware that they had it (it's very easy to mistake it for something else depending on your symptoms and testing for it is difficult at least where I live because they won't test you unless there's a lesion to swab). We are no longer together, but it isn't because of that. We were very supportive of one another, we went and got tested for everything you could get tested for, and the experience really brought us closer--we still have a lot of love for each other (I wish we never broke up tbh, but that's irrelevant). I'm saying all of that to say, it's not a life-threatening disease, you two will continue to live healthy lives with the virus and I think once you take time to process your emotions you will definitely understand that stigma plays a big role in disclosure (look at how you both responded to your statuses). If this is someone you want to be with, I agree, again, with @SeraLyn open, honest, judgement free, dialogue is worth having.
I wish you both all of the best.
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Sooo... I recently updated my profile on a dating app to include my status. I was wondering if anyone has thoughts about disclosing broadly--do you prefer to just disclose to potential partners or want people to know before moving forward?
Right now I'm more of the mindset I'd rather you just know so I don't have to have this awkward conversation (I've had it twice and I just hate it lol, not that I would never not disclose...I just feel like if I match with someone then they know that detail and we can move on from it).
Still a bit nervous as it seems like I'm the only person, amongst those I know, who even want to disclose and who wants to move forward with meeting people.
Love to hear ya'll thoughts!
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Just wanted to drop in and say hello. Sending positive vibes today!
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@2beloved I hope you are doing better. I really wish the conversation/culture around sex and infections would shift because there's no need to feel shameful for partaking in an act that billions of people participate in. Contracting this super common virus is a risk every time someone engages in sexual activity. The frustrating thing is not being able to tell who it came from and I definitely feel you on not wanting to pass it.
If someone wants to allow stigma & ignorance get in the way of getting to know you, that's their loss. Trust me, you will meet people who will still want to get to know and love you.
I'm almost 5 months in and though it is a tough thing to experience (mostly due to stigma, and there is physical discomfort--wish people wouldn't play that down so much) but from my experience it does get easier.
Wishing you love & light
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I know you already posted this in the other thread lol but I just want to add to the positivity here and say that since my diagnosis I've had 2 positive experiences with the people in my life.
The partner I believe I contracted it from; we found out together (he didn't know he had it) & he was absolutely supportive, came with me to get tested, got tested for absolutely everything I asked him to (I was an emotional wreck lol, and he was very supportive and strong for me throughout the process. I was also keeping him calm with all the research I was doing. Basically, I would have never willingly agreed to contracting hsv, but I would have not wished for a different experience in dealing with my diagnosis).
Also, I had another partner who I disclosed to and it went really well. They were absolutely ready to have sex that moment lol. I definitely was more afraid than they were--turns out they also met someone who is hsv positive and it didn't stop him from wanting to be with her either.
All of that to say being a single woman and dating is already difficult with/without hsv, it is possible to have lover(s) (depending on your dating style) and be safe and enjoy yourself.
There's someone I'm just recently talking to, I don't know if we'll get to the stage of disclosure, but I must admit I'm not nervous about it because I, most importantly, have come to a place of acceptance of my diagnosis (even on days when I have to remind myself that I have accepted it lol) and I have the experience of partners with whom hsv was not an issue, so even if this person made a decision not to move forward dating/sexually I know that it is not a reflection of me.
I'm always such a fan of your positivity!!! You've definitely help me feel comfortable with not allowing this diagnosis to "ruin" my life.
Hoping whoever finds this can get some light from it and understand that life goes on, and can & will be beautiful even with your diagnosis.
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Hi @KarlaK! I second everything @SeraLyn said. I just aged out of my mother's insurance a few months before my diagnosis in January (go figure!), so I go to a pay-what-you-can clinic for my prescription and to see a NP. They definitely are very broad/nonchalant when discussing hsv; they wouldn't even tell me which type I had b/c they said they don't type them anymore. However, I'm pretty sure it's hsv2 because I've had recurrent obs since my primary one. I don't believe I have it orally. I would definitely recommend seeing a specialist so hopefully they are able to help, I did read about some people having a primary outbreak in their throat, so you definitely wouldn't be alone there. Also, you can get hsv2 orally, from what I read, it's just you wouldn't likely have a recurrent ob after the primary, sort of like if you get hsv on your genitals from someone who had it orally--I read that it's something about those strands not liking to live in the opposite area so they typically don't recur.
I'm the long winded one in the group lol so I definitely have to stop myself. But you definitely have support, here ❤️
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@SeraLyn so happy to hear that school is going well! I just recently got into the grad program of my dreams so I’m super excited to start!!
Also, thanks for sharing this positive news. Glad dating is going well because honestly it’s tough even without HSV lol. Hope the trip goes well 💕💕
I’ve ended things with the person who I believe I contracted the virus from and at first I was nervous about what the dating scene would be like, but then realized I’d rather find out than be miserable with someone 😂.
There’s someone in my life also who is super accepting of the virus and risk lol and still wants to hook up.
So, yes, life certainly goes on & I’m happy you are still seeming to be living your best life 💕
Sending positive vibes to everyone. Glad we can uplift each other.
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@AMDCRX yay, go lysine!! So glad it’s working for you 😊
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@SeraLyn good to hear from you! Glad the wax didn’t trigger anything 😊.
My mom has shingles too and when I told her about my diagnosis we actually traded tips on what helps lol, gotta love moms.
Also, I found out that I had chickenpox as a kid and I got mono in college (just from walking past someone who breathed on me!). So that’s 3 strands of the virus I have now. I’m convinced at this point there’s no one who doesn’t have this virus because of how often we’re exposed to it.
Glad you don’t have to do any new meds. How’s school going?
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Glad it sounds like it's working well for you @SeraLyn!!
@Whymewhynow That natural concoction (lol) definitely worked for me until I got back home (I'd been out town for a month). When I got home of course I got sick which led to another OB, but the acv tea and lysine was able to stop it from getting worse, I went to my doctor and got a prescription for acyclovir. I took 1 pill 3x a day as well as 1g of lysine 3x a day for five days and the healing was so immediate that by the 5th day all was pretty much gone. I definitely prefer acyclovir over valtrex. Currently I am settled back home and healthy, so I have not experienced any other obs. I take a lysine supplement every morning and make sure I eat fruit and veggies regularly. I would recommend that concoction if you're unable to get a prescription (or if you decide you don't want to take any meds), I think these natural remedies help boost the prescription so all together my healing time was super quick.
Also, I cook everything in coconut oil now, I think ingesting coconut oil was also a big component in my healing time because coconut oil has antiviral properties. I'm also learning that while things you use topically can help with any discomfort, the healing truly comes from what goes in your body, so coconut oil worked great topically but I think it helped 10x more when I was consuming it. So I think I might be getting close to an alkaline diet, but I love chocolate and hot fries/hot cheetos waaay too much lol
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@Whymewhynow I haven’t looked into the alkaline diet...something I’ll have to check out.
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Hi @AMDCRX welcome! First, thank you for sharing your story. I’m so happy to hear that you were able to have a healthy beautiful baby 💕. I’m also happy to hear you were able to go so long without many outbreaks (oh how a girl can dream lol).
I’m sorry to hear how hard these last few years have been for you, but it sounds like you’re being proactive toward finding healing methods and that’s awesome.
I am very new to the virus, this will be my 3rd month since my diagnosis. I was out of town for 4 weeks and started having my second OB, but when it healed up a couple more came and I was freaking out because I didn’t have any medicine. What worked for me (creating faster healing, stopping the pain in my leg) was taking 1g of lysine 3x a day and drinking acv tea (hot water, 2-3tbs of apple cider vinegar, squeeze of honey and lemon juice) 3x a day, and cooking food in coconut oil (since I’m not ready to just injest the oil yet). After 2 days of doing this I noticed a huge difference and haven’t had an OB since. I’m thinking this plus my acyclovir prescription will really help me fight any upcoming OBs I feel coming.
Hopefully this was helpful, I don’t want to take meds forever so I’ve been trying to find natural remedies, my concoction above has seemed to help so far.
Peace & blessings 💕.
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Good to note @SeraLyn !
@angryandoverit I hear you. I’ve been able to keep positive through most of this, but lately I have been feeling a bit down just because I’m traveling and my body is stressed and I’ve had to think about it in ways I’ve never had to. I’ve been going through a lot of other things lately but it’s so wonderful to have this group of people who can relate on a medical and sometimes even emotional level of what I’m going through. Definitely sending comforting vibes your way.
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Uh oh @SeraLyn 😮. The person I’m talking about has a YouTube channel
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Thank you @SeraLyn!
Also, because representation & education has truly helped me come to terms with this virus, here are some black individuals who share their experience:
Krystal Jordan: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCH8X4LM8gSt004FVpobQ-NQ
Belize Spivey: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8AkCfC9_bcCvI7-sixkLJg
Nauni Dee: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuANrKrZz47OX_XoWk8ckEw
Hope this can be helpful, ya'll!
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@Lstgryl I hear you. Struggled a bit these past few weeks, but things are looking up. Trying to remain as unstressed as possible since my health literally demands me to now lol
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Hey ya'll! Just reaching out to say hello & hope all are doing well ❤️
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I've been walking a lot because I'm out of town and I felt my skin getting irritated so I bought some coconut oil and man did it work! Idk if I was having an OB, but it definitely soothed the irritation/chaffy feeling I had. Idk if Valtrex actually worked for me at all...or if I was even having another OB after my initial; I just took them because I was headed out of town and I didn't want to be here without them. I actually just took my last pill, so for now I am going to keep a close eye on my body and hopefully not do anything triggering. I feel much better now that I have the coconut oil. I also have some lysine supplements and vitamin c. Hoping to make it through month 2 with no OBs.
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I was wondering if anyone wouldn’t mind sharing what/how they treat and prevent their OBs. I’m super new and don’t want to rely on daily antivirals, so was hoping a few of you all may have natural remedies you use.
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18 minutes ago, Whymewhynow said:
Hi @Braino many of us probably share that same sentiment, at least I do. I never thought twice about hsv until my dx. When you look at the statistics we all probably know at minimum one other person with it, even if they never admit it. 🤷🏽♀️
Sorry, I'm in Houston but this forum definitely helps to not feel alone in this, so welcome and sending positive energy your way!
Same. I never thought about it really beyond something you didn't want although I never really knew what it was. Now I feel like the most informed person.
Welcome @Braino, you certainly are not alone. This thread is definitely a helpful sense of support. I live in the midwest.
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Herpes in the Black Community
in General herpes discussion
Posted
I wish you did not have to experience that, dishonesty and betrayal are the worst. But I’m glad you are taking care of yourself.
I’m not sure if you’ve made up your mind regarding the potential new partner. I can think of all the inspirational things to say about disclosing, but I have not yet been in that situation. I did tell a partner I was still involved with and they were supportive, but a new person can be daunting.
If you did decide to disclose, I hope all went well.