thisisgoingtobeokay (previ

Alright. Here we go. I am on 500mg valtrex once daily. I can't drink a beer without my stomach getting tore up. I used to be able to hang with the best. I could drink a six pack and just have a strong buzz going. Last night, I met a friend for drinks and I had four beers. I ended up puking my life up and having the worst upset stomach. So both ends were tore up. (without going into detail here) If I have one beer now, my tummy is tore up the next day. I get sick so easy now, when before four beers wouldn't phase me. I have done the one beer, stomach got upset. Two beers, stomach got upset. So now I feel like I can't drink at all because it's going to make me all messed up. Anyone else had this problem with valtrex and alcohol? Advice? What is going on?

Ahh yes, peachyogurt I think was the Sweeney Todd person. Made me laugh really hard, which I needed. Ya know the past week has shown me peoples true colors. It's crazy. Like, as bad as I am hurting and emotionally wrecked I can see how having this is showing me who people truly are! INSANE! It truly is a filter. I am getting it. Slowly. But God how enlightening it has been the past week to see who people truly are. It is almost hilarious to realize who you thought you could trust and count on, you can't! Blessings in disguise. And you are welcome. I kind of just spilled my guts out. It just happened. Haha.

@cc123 I broke down in the tub the other night. I'm 23. And a crybaby! It's okay! I cry too and feel your pain. This is my life line too. I check it like constantly. We are going to get through this. We are. The outbreak WILL heal. I know when I broke out I kept asking my friend if it was going to go away, because for some reason I just had this feeling like the bumps were going to be there forever. Like this horrible fear that they wouldn't go away. BUT THEY DID! You will feel better when they do. I did. Hang in there and hugs to you!

Candle making is fun. I know a couple people who do it. It's just finding out who I can trust, who truly cares about me that sucks. But that is something that WCS and Adrial have pointed out is that this helps show you the true colors of someones character. I am seeing a lot of it now. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Keep us updated on your candle making, haha! :)

WCS you have got to be one of the most brave people I have ever seen. You make me feel empowered. :) thank you.

@peachyogurtisawesome Thank you for the compliment. I just figured I am going to be brave and post my picture and not be ashamed of myself. I know how you feel, I have had many many bad bad thoughts. Your post made me laugh, because I had some crazy crazy thoughts too. I needed that. I believe in karma too, but the strange thing is is that he doesn't think it's wrong. That is what totally mind blows me. To me and to most people who know about this think its wrong. But karma will have its day, and I leave it in the hands of the one who deals karma.

Thanks yall. I guess I am just angry. Hurt more so, which fuels the anger. I just wish he was a good man. But he isn't. I wish he cared. But he don't. And that is something I need and have to accept. Acceptance for myself is hard right now, so accepting someone's shitty excuse for a human being is really hard. I will get there. Thank yall for letting me get it out. I need to let it go. It is just hard when you are trying to let go of what you got going on downstairs on top of letting go of the person who gave it to you not caring. I mean I thought I could do a trial and error thing, go out one night. Walk up to the bar, say hey my name is Sarah. I got herpes, the dude left me, will you buy me a beer? I think letting guys in the future know that the one who gave it to me left me may buy me some compassion, if that person has the right heart. And Adrial you are right. I can heal without him. Anger will destroy me. I just need time to swallow it all and let it settle. It's so strong because it is so recent. Time. I know I need to disclose, it is just the absolute scariest thing I can possibly imagine. I decided on the day I found out that I would not be one of these people who hide it because it isn't right. WCS thank you for the compliment. And you are also right. I hope that in time I will look at this piece of shit human being as a blessing that he didn't stick around. Who knows? Maybe I will mail him a letter and thank him for being such a piece of shit because I eventually found someone to love me and look past their own selfish needs. What a stupid man. What a selfish man.

This is true. He is a stupid jerk. You are so right WCS. Thank you. :)

WCS I know. It's not what I want to hear because I feel like he is a piece of shit for leaving me with having this and him being the one who gave it to me. It's not so much him I want, just for him to be responsible. To care that he did this. I don't want a man that would walk away because clearly it shows his character. My mother made things worse. He told me so last night. So many emotions today. Thank God for medication. And cc, I still have the it's not fair days. It is hard, just keep trying okay? I'm trying and it's so nice to know that I'm not the only one out there breaking down. I will be okay when I meet another man but that brings a whole other set of issues so i don't know. Freaking blahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Positive positive positive. Trying over here. And I posted my picture. I'm coming out. That's me. Sarah. This was my 23rd birthday. I'm done hiding. I'm done being ashamed. (I may take it down, but I'm feeling really empowered right now.) So there I am. Thank you both. I'm sorry I'm so down and negative right now. Hugs back. And blessings.

Thank yall. Thank yall. Thank yall. Ya know, he is the one who gave it to me. He should be willing to do something. That's all I am saying. But I'm done hiding this. Me and him had dinner last night because I offered the "please hang out with me one night a week until I am ready to date again and don't want to be lonely." Kind of like, my last attempt to make him have some sort of responsibility. It has lit a huge fire under my ass since he won't. And I am sick and tired of feeling like I am a bad person because of this. I am a beautiful person and deserve to be treated like I am special. He is a DICK. A big one. And I hope that one day he will feel just one ounce of guilt or remorse. Sorry for running your post about HSV1 and HSV2 differences into my own little venting thing. I made a thread about it so I would stop. haha.

I am going to vent: I am now single and walking this battle alone. Yes, I am so angry at the man that I could literally punch a hole through a brick wall. I am terrified to try to date. And his comforting words are, "oh if someone loves you they will look past it. Date them for a year and they won't walk away." Then me, "But why don't you care, why won't you be with me?" Then him, "Because I don't want anything serious and your mother told me things." Then me, "But will you hang out with me one night a week until I am ready to date again. Because I am scared and don't want to be lonely." Then him, "No I don't think it's a good idea we see each other." Then me, "Why are you so unwilling to do anything for me." Then him, "All I can say is I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do this to you. It just isn't a good idea." Yeah because in today's times dating for a year before being intimate is such the norm. *sarcasm* YOU GAVE ME THIS AND ARE WALKING AWAY AND DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO COMFORT ME OR HELP ME. I know it's my fault too, but for the love of God why can't he just do something. Just be here. Just be here, that is all I need. Part of me wants to just go sleep with every man out there, just because I feel like there isn't any other option. But the other part of me says, well, I have HSV1 on my genitals, I'm on medicine, I'll use condoms, I got the harder one to transmit, why should I have to disclose. HSV1 oral people don't disclose. Why do I have to? I am angry. I am frustrated. I need to go find a mountain and scream and scream and scream. I don't want to tell a man I have this. I don't want to try to date and get rejected. I don't want this anymore and I want it to go away. I want it to end. I want for everything to just be over.

I have HSV1 genitally too. And being as that I have heard stress is the number one trigger, this last week of my life has been quite traumatic, from my mother going behind my back to talk to the guy who gave me this, moving out of my home for her who doing so, to him no longer wanting to be with me because of her running her mouth, to having a total mental breakdown last Tuesday. I am fairly shocked that I have not had a breakout yet. I have my fingers crossed that I am lucky and not going to breakout again, but I understand your confusion. There is very little that I have been able to find on the internet regarding HSV1 genitally. All I see is HSV2 HSV2 HSV2. The world needs to be better informed and I have started becoming more open and telling people, because I am pissed about the stigma. I am not dirty. I am not a whore. I am not some freak. The guy who gave it to me went down on me without sex and that's how I got it and the SOB left me after being with me for a month saying he would stay with me, when I gave him his out as soon as I was diagnosed, we did end up sleeping together after my initial outbreak cleared and he didn't catch it, we did use condoms and I am on Valtrex, but my body doesn't have a great of supply of antibodies yet so just think about that, and I still didn't pass it. From what I have been able to find, it's harder to give to men, this kind. We breakout less than HSV2 buddies. They tend to be less severe. SOME people with HSV1 never experience another outbreak, knocking on wood. They look the same when they breakout, that's about all I have found in similarities between the two.

The main thing I want to convey to you is it's okay to feel this way. No one was telling me it's okay to feel this way. And that was and has been what I needed. It's just okay to feel everything you are feeling. It's okay to feel like this is a big deal right now and (I'm starting to tear up) because I know it's hard, I just want you to know it's okay. These feelings will change with time. It's just okay. Okay? Hahaha I know I've said it a million times but it's what I needed to hear and it seems you might too. You are an amazing beautiful person. Hang in there!

@cc123 I wrote on my thread that you wrote on to me. Just wanted you to know I didn't leave you hanging! Blessings.

@cc123 I have tried to stay away from the "I just got diagnosed" posts because I am just worried I'll do more damage than good by trying to help someone at that stage. But, I know what you are going through. I've been there and my heart hurts for you, I stayed cooped up in my bed for a week. A solid week. Only left to grab me smokes because that was the only thing keeping me calm. I will say this. It does get better. I'm like 65-75% there I guess, if I would put a number on it. Some days that percent goes up, like when I purchased my graduation dress today, and some days it drops back. You will need time. And it's okay to feel what you are feeling. It's okay. It's going to be okay. And each day will get easier. If I could hug you and tell you it may not seem okay now but it will in person I would. I needed hugs and a shoulder when I found out. The stress for me the first few days was the hardest. Now it's a day by day thing. Some days I'm good, some I'm not. Let's see the last time I cried wasssss Tuesday. Before that maybe a few days. Yeah. So I promise you aren't the only one. Give yourself time to heal, I'm not all there yet, but I'm trying and you can do this. I have faith in you. You are strong, but it's okay to "feel" like you aren't right now. I'm here to help you and so are many other people. This site has helped me. I check it everyday because it just makes me feel so not alone. If you need to talk I am here for you. Hugs to you and blessings. You can do this! :)

And by the way, I know the feeling of seeing what they looked like. That was what made me cry the hardest during my outbreak when I would bathe and could feel them. I didn't look nor would let my best friend look even though she asked to see them. Like an out of sight out of mind thing, but everytime I washed and could feel them I would burst into tears. Once they were gone, I felt a little better. I understand how you feel and think it is great your husband is involved! Sounds like a good man. :)

NexisLexis, what if....you shave just a small part? Like a test almost? During my initial outbreak I didn't have any bumps on my female parts, mine were more on the bottom like the cup of my butt but between the legs,(but I still shave back there). Sorry may be a little graphic. I don't know where yours are, but if you aren't broken out right now, why not try shaving just a small area where you are used to breaking out and just see? I was scared the first time I shaved because of what I had read too, but I just had to know whether it was going to trigger for me or not. It sounds like you had a painful experience since you shaved I am guessing after you had the outbreak?? Ouchies, and sorry to hear that. USE LOTS AND LOTS OF SHAVING CREAM AND CLEAN NEW RAZOR. Let the hairs soak (loosen up) so you aren't tugging on your skin as much. Don't go over the same spot a million times. Maybe testing an area could help ease you into shaving again or show you whether you will break out. I am sorry you are having a hard time with this. blessings. :)

I am new to H too. I have shaved once a week since my initial outbreak and didn't break out! Be hopeful. I did have razor burn, but I have always had razor burn bad. And at first I did freak out when the bumps came. I was like oh my gah this is making me break out I knew it, I knew it. But then I realized it wasn't a breakout, just some razorburn and I watched it a couple days just to be on the safe side. So don't fret! I don't shave everyday mind you, but once a week hasn't done anything to me. Just use lots of shaving cream and a new razor each time, that's what I have done, and no breakout from shaving yet! Good luck, and blessings!

In regards to thongs, I haven't tried wearing one since being diagnosed, same fears as most of you above. I love my granny panties anyways. I have read that full bottom cotton underwear is the best regardless of H or not. As with most women, I feel a lot sexier when I wear thongs, so I may give that a shot in a couple weeks. Still scared to do a lot of things. I know for me this first three weeks was: eat right, no caffeine, no alcohol, no nothing I have read that can cause me to break out (besides sex, couldn't resist that one). I have slowly incorporated things back in the last couple weeks. I ate boiled peanuts, but added a lysine pill to combat it just in case. I had coffee last Friday. Still haven't tried peanut butter, but God how I miss it. My point is, from what I have been doing is slowly incorporating things and see what happens.That is my advice, just try it out and see what happens. Scary, I know. But its better than going the rest of your life without those little things that warm your heart. :) blessings.

Thank heavens! Hitting up bubble bath time! I am so excited! I've needed this for the past whole month and was too scared to dip my face under so I just didn't give myself quality bubble bath time. The internet could not answer this for me over the last month so I am so glad to have an answer now! Thank you!!! Yippee! Getting my rubber ducky!

Since being diagnosed a month ago with genital hsv1 I have been terrified to take a bubble bath. I can't like get herpes in my eyes by dipping my head under water to wash my hair out right? I'm not breaking out currently, but have been confused on whether the virus is floating in my bath water (say I am shedding with no symptoms) and if I wash my hair in the same water and get my face wet if I can spread it to my eyes if it's in the water. Or any other body part for that matter. I desperately want to take a bubble bath tonight as it's been a long day. Keep in mind I am in just my first month of building antibodies. Thanks y'all! :) blessings!

I have only been through my initial out break but I did epsom salt baths! It helped me out a lot I believe! Hot water and a couple handfuls of the epsom salt is the recommended. I used like 4 handfuls, as I was just trying anything at that time to make my bumps go away. Highly recommend epsom salt! It feels very soothing too. Good luck!

Thank you. I probably should read the success stories board everyday. I don't know if that will be the thing that pulls me through this. As I said, it's mostly my future that scares me. I have always felt hard to love before this and just more so now. I feel like I sound pathetic because I know I am not the only one dealing with this, so I hate being so down about it. I guess time will change that outlook too. Patience is hard to come by, but you are right. I guess I just really do need time.

Thank you for all of the links. It's probably going to be something I go back to time and time again. I appreciate your kind words. I have been told the first year is the worst. After that, the emotions tend to lessen and you start truly getting through it. Having a support system I think will help me because I can't do this alone and I've realized that. I need help to get through it from people who know what I'm going through and won't judge me for having a "bad day" with it. I call them my "bad days" when I'm asked if I'm okay. And I have been told in the past month to just get over it and move on. I've been told, you are making this a bigger deal than it is, you are looking at yourself wrong. Maybe I am. But it's only been a damn month and I wish everyone would give me time. I need time. And I need days to cry and I need support. And I need to know it's okay to be angry and it's okay to punch your steering wheel and everyone look at you like you are crazy. I need that time and I need my moments. I need people who don't have it (mostly my parents and friends) to stop telling me what to do to fix it and just let me vent and keep their mouth shut and just let me air my feelings or cry or scream. I wish people who don't know what it's like would shut up. Because they don't know what they would do or how they would feel. Or most importantly how much it hurts when they tell you it's okay and things will get better and someone will want you. If you don't have it, you don't know and can't open your mouth on what I should or shouldn't be doing. It's a big deal to me. It's all easier said than done if you aren't rocking on the waves in my boat with me. Medication has helped although this is not something I want to be on forever. As my therapist said, this is a crutch temporarily to get you through this time of acceptance, not a permanent fix for the emotions. You have to do that with time.

I was diagnosed a month ago with genital HSV1. I got it from oral sex. Didn't even have sex with the guy. Had not had sex in over a year and was the first guy I let go down on me in 3 years. The guy who gave it to me was totally understanding and wanted to be with me, but now does not because he doesn't want anything serious. We have had sex now, because I figured well, what is the worst that could happen now? And at least someone wants to have sex with me. I am at a total loss with everything, I have no idea what to do. I tried getting on positive singles today since he has decided to do the wrong thing and not stick by me, and most men have HSV2, which I can still catch and don't want to risk that since I have the "better" of the two. (less outbreaks, harder transmission). It is sad that I feel this way, but HSV1 initial outbreak wasn't exactly a walk in the park and I have heard HSV2 is worse usually. So I am not exactly keen on risking having both types. Please no one take offense to this, just as I didn't want HSV1, I don't want HSV2. I remember clearly repeating to my doctor over and over, "but I didn't have sex." And to that he said, I am sorry, it is really unlucky. My initial outbreak was rather mild after reading many stories. It lasted just 7 days. I mostly broke out on my bottom. If I were to drop my pants no one would have been able to tell. It didn't look like the pictures. I didn't have any skin burning or itching on my skin. I just had some burning when I peed and some itching when I peed, then the bumps came. One on sunday, the first one, and a couple more would pop up each day. It looked like pimples. I saw my doc on Wednesday and was already healing. Started valtrex immediately. No outbreaks since. Knocking on wood that I may be lucky and never have another one. To be honest, physically it wasn't horrible. I could walk and sit and stand, mild discomfort. I feel blessed for that, I have read just horror stories. I took off work mostly because I couldn't stop crying and was so shocked. I had always been careful, always safe. I am the girl who warned friends of how STDs were transmitted and begged them to use condoms. I was that girl. I was Ms. Safe, never let a man touch me. Get tested even when I haven't been sexually active. And then I opened up to someone. I have researched every day since I have been diagnosed, reading stories and crying as I am reading because I knew exactly how these other people felt. My heart broke because it made me realize that I am not the only one feeling these feelings. It was as if someone out there knew exactly what my heart was going through and was reading my mind. I would read things that I had said to myself in my own thoughts. Every day is a battle, one minute I am up the next I am down. And some days it barely crosses my mind, and others I go into a panic because I can't stop thinking. Mostly about my future. Will I get married, have kids. I wouldn't want someone with herpes, who would want me? (Again, this is not to be offensive, just feelings I am working through, so please understand). I am trying really hard to forget about this and go back to being my normal self, but I can't, hence why I started seeing a therapist. I started seeing a therapist, am on an anti-depressant, and anxiety pills, and daily valtrex. I am 23. I feel like my life is over. (I have been told this feeling will go away). I am scared to death to try to date. I feel disgusting. I just can't explain everything I am feeling. It would be a novel. I graduate college in December, degree in accounting. I just am on the brink of seeing the world and this happened. I am smart. I have a 3.74 GPA. I work hard. I know there are good things about me, but I can't imagine it being enough to say ya know what, hey you got the herpes, it's totally cool, I will still put my vulnerable body part in you. I am picky. I didn't date alot before this, and rarely would give guys a chance for the fear of getting hurt. Now I have genital herpes which makes everything much more complicated. I was a stressed high strung individual before this which turned guys off, but its just part of me, its how I feel I am successful. So now guys are going to see okay, she is high strung, stressed, worries too much, and she has herpes. I just am scared. Of so much. I am angry at him. He thinks it is fair to just walk away after doing this to me. I know that part of it is my fault too, but if I was in his shoes I would be at the mercy of the person I did that too. That is who I am. He didn't have an outbreak, I was the LUCKY one who got it from oral sex with no symptoms. I do know it was him because I was tested last October and was clear, had not engaged in any act that would have transmitted it prior to him, and my bloodwork this time was negative on both IgG and IgM, meaning I never had been exposed before and my body had not made enough antibodies to show up yet, my culture was positive though. I don't know what to do. I don't sleep around. As I said, I had not had sex in over a year and this was the first guy to go down on me in 3 years. I got a really shitty shitty hand, as most of us did. (excuse me). I feel like me and him have some options and he won't budge on any of it. Here is what I have suggested: we have sex until you get it down there too so you will be forced with the same stigma and rejection I will face for the rest of my life (basically so he can't end up with a perfect fairytale while I am stuck alone for the rest of my life), I sue him (I have found out that is possible), or three man up and be with me. None of those options feel right in my heart because I don't want to be that way, but it should be fair. It should not be me dealing with this alone, paying for my medications, facing the hurt and rejection that I know will happen. He was a part of this too, regardless of whether he meant to or not. He has a responsibility in this too. If I was pregnant he couldn't just walk away, he would pay child support or something, so just because it's an STD shouldn't make him any less responsible. I need to know what to do. He is 30. He should be more mature than this and responsible. I just need answers. Sorry this is so long and everything is kind of everywhere. It is hard to put everything you are feeling and thinking in a logical way, when in your own mind your thoughts jump from one thing to the next. Thanks for all the help. Blessings to you all.