thisisgoingtobeokay (previ

@spellsinginghippie Okay, my absolute recommendation is to do it in person, if you choose to. Imagine this, it would be much easier to reject someone via text because you can't see their face or hear their tone. Flip the card over, if he sent you a text it would be much easier to reject it because you don't have to look at that person, but in person, you see how vulnerable and hard it is to look someone in the face and say, "This is what I got, how I got it, risk of transmission." I don't know what I am trying to say, like, compassion is given much easier in person than over text because you can see that come through in someone's eyes, the hurt, or pain, or fear of rejection. I agree with Aimee, if you see potential for more and both of you want more, hold out. Enjoy the moment right now, get to know each other more, kiss, cuddle, whatever. See if this man respects you, figure out whether there is trust there. I don't know how long you two have been talking but if you haven't even had a first date yet, I wouldn't just jump the gun and be like I have herpes. Just not a good idea if you ask me. Let him get to know you some before just blurting it out. And when you do tell him, be confident. That is key I think. Be secure in yourself. If you want to just have sex, well then yeah, you are going to have to be pretty upfront about it soon and the risk of rejection is much higher because there are plenty of women who don't have it he can go just get a nice screw from. To me the question is, what do you truly want? Casual sex or something more? Once you decide that then you know what to do. I am terrified of being rejected too. I know how hard that is and how scary it can be. But, I have this thought, because although I have disclosed to one man (we will never be anything, he is a long time friend, who took is surprisingly well, we just mess around from time to time), but I know that a man I actually may date may not be so understanding. My thought is this: if I do this is in person and he rejects me, and I show him the door, I am one hell of a strong woman. A woman that wears her scars, wears her fears, and shows her weakness to a man, and he still rejects her, it's that dumbasses problem, not mine, and thank God he walked out because I don't want a man that is weaker than I am. I have come to realize that I am much stronger than half the women out there because of this. I have weathered every possible emotion the human body can present, I have wrestled with my own mind to the point of insanity, I have had the strength to look at people in the face and say this is my story, but most importantly, I have realized that a woman that has never had to walk in the shoes I have or been in a situation that comes half as close to what I have been through with their own body, does not know what true strength is. There are many bad things that happen in life, this is one of them, but allowing yourself to open up to a man in person like that, whether he rejects you or not and even though if he does reject you it may hurt for a while, that is true strength. And, to me, there is nothing more beautiful than a woman who weathers through a storm, and comes out a stronger woman because of it. If he don't see it, another man will. I have my faith.

I am unsure if I actually had a blister inside or not, I have read that some women will pee in a bottle so the urine don't hit the blister or pee in the tub..so the water dilutes it. I did burn when I peed, so what I did was (strange as this sounds) each time I peed I would tilt my pelvis until I found a way that it didn't burn. DRINK WATER! Dilutes your pee, so it is less strong. No lie, this will work. I have interstitial cystitis as well and water dilutes it so I don't burn as bad when I pee. I did epsom salt baths as @WCS said. It is my little praise the Lord for this gift on Earth. I did the 4 handfuls and it felt so good, and I truly believe it is what dried me up. It may sting a little, but not bad. Two baths a day. I also take lysine supplements. I took 3 pills during my outbreak and then now I only take them when I don't eat enough lysine in my diet. On the subject of a douche, I would sit in the epsom salt bath and flush the water with my hand up into my junk. It is just salt water, so no harm there. Kind of like this, I would get a current going with the water, sit in a way that "opened" me up and flushed water to the area. It helps, give it a try.

@simplyme24 My parents have treated me like shit through it all, so I understand how it can hurt and set you back. Mine basically told me to get over it and start back with your life. I didn't get a hug, a baby I am so sorry this happened, we are here for you. Instead, my stepmother (who is/was like my mother to me, raised me since I was 5) ran behind my back told people and called the guy who gave it to me which ultimately ended up being the reason he has treated me like such shit. They have treated me like I was a whore, which they know I am not, so to be treated as such when they know better has broken my heart. I don't speak to them and haven't since Thanksgiving, I moved out. I agree that educating is the best medicine. I like your line, "I need his support, not his lectures, Ive done a good enough job beating myself up." You have no idea how hard that hits me. It has brought tears to my eyes because I feel like not only my parents, but everyone lectures me. "No one is going to feel sorry for you, stop with the self pity." "It is a shitty situation and he is an asshole, but you have to let it go." "You are too strong to have become this person." "you don't need to sit at home alone every night." "you will never meet anyone if you stay in your house." All of that plays in my head. It hurts because no one understands, even if they are right, it doesn't fix it. Only we can fix it. It starts with us. Please know I am here for you. Hugs to you. I know I didn't give good advice, I just want you to know I can relate and know how that feels.

I understand. I had a bad night with it last night too. I cried hard. Not that tears just rolling down your cheeks crying, but that uncontrollable shaking can't breathe crying. It felt good to get that out, as it has been a minute since I have had a night like that. I spent most of my Christmas Eve and Christmas thinking of how he left me. My friend begged me to come to her family Christmas dinner, after multiple attempts of saying no and I finally screamed at her and said "he left me, do you not get that? he left me." And she looked at me and said and he is a dick, you have to let it go. I text him, told him Hope you had a merry Christmas. Alas, to no response. I went out for drinks last night, and left in a rush because I got overwhelmed and one of my good friends called me and I just couldn't stop crying, popped a klonopin and passed out. Everyone has been trying to get me out of my apartment since I have moved in, about two weeks now I have stayed at home every night watching movies because I haven't gotten cable or internet yet and I just don't want to get out. I have found that my apartment is my comfort zone. No one knows, I am safe there from anything that could hurt me or bring me down. I am tired of trying, and I am tired of pretending I am okay when I am not. We all have our days. This too shall pass. Be strong. Every day is a new day to try again, I am tired of trying, but I still am. You can do this. Hugs to you. I needed a shoulder last night and didn't have it. This place is my shoulder and we will be your shoulder too.

Hahaha. Ya'll make me laugh. I can dig it. :) :)

Thanks yall! I guess a name change is in order. @adrial let's make that happen. let's change it to as @WCS said "thisisgoingtobeokay" I am proud of me too. It was really hard because I was just terrified of him finding out. It definitely was a reality check for me. Hopefully, this will lead me to accepting it. I have my fingers crossed. I don't know why he did it, maybe to prove to me that someone will accept it. I don't know. I don't care. It happened and it has helped, and for that I am grateful.

@orngpeelmafia, you are more than right. I guess with me, and I think a lot of people, I have been terrified of finding someone to accept this. Now that I know one man did, regardless of what happens between me and him, even if he accepted it for one time only, it has given me that hope that other men will. I guess what I am saying is, since now I know this isn't the end of my love life, I am at a better place. I should definitely look at it like you say, and I think I will get there, but this happening just shot me into, "thisisgoingtobeokayville." Honestly, it made me realize that I can accept this, even if it's not at this moment, but I will, knowing other people can, means I will too.

Welcome. @dreamingofsomeone167 Me and him have been friends for a while. I didn't tell him initially because I was scared because to be honest, I kind of love him. Not in love, but love him. There is a difference. Lol anyways, initially he was kind of like uhh and I could see him running the timeline down across his face, flipping out but not showing it the best he could to me. I reassured him he was good. And I just ran through all the stats. And he was totally okay with it and said, I want to do it still which is weird, but I do. I was shocked, of course because we had never done it before and now he knows this and wants to! Wow! Look. I don't suggest tossing a pill bottle at him, but me and him are so close and have a weird friendship anyways so I don't know I just did it. But I did cry, but as I said we are pretty close, I mean I was in my yoga pants and a tshirt, ponytail. But I didn't flip out... And I think that's key. You got to stay as calm as you can. With him, I cried because I care about him and didn't want him to look at me different. But he didn't! So I'll keep my fingers crossed for you! Being confident I think is important. Knowing the stats is important. :)

Thanks guys! Feeling much better after this experience. I feel like if he can accept it then someone else will too. Just made my day, had to share. :) love all of y'all!

Thank you thank you! I wanted to hear your thoughts so bad! I am pretty excited about it, 1 cause I has sex, and 2 because he doesn't have this and accepted it. So... I have gotten some hope. And I needed that hope because he is just as big a freak about this as I am and so for him to be willing to do it with me just floored me. He did joke about it though, I said you got some respect from me for this. He said now don't go thinking I'm all honorable, I just wanted to sleep with you. So idk what that means but I don't care. He had sex with me and knew I had it. And thought it (I) was worth the risk. It feels freaking amazing. Whatever happens after this I don't care, I just needed a guy who didn't know that found out to show me it didn't matter. And he did. And it feels freaking awesome. I am a happy ass girl. Could be from having sex with someone I've grown to be friends with for over a year or it could be the positive vibe I got from all this. I don't know. It was awesome though. I asked him a million times if he was sure and he kept asking me if I was sure and he said I'm sure, I said I'm sure. Then BOOM! Magic in my bedroom. Freaking yes!!!!! :)))

And I add, he told me it made him want to have sex with me more than before. I said why do you want to have sex with me now, he said I don't know it's weird. He said why you want to have sex with me now? I said I don't know, I guess cause you accept it and still want to.

Okay. So if anyone has followed my story then you know there was only one guy I messed around with before The One We Shall Not Be Named. He would play with me down below and I would suck him off, never had sex ever. So last night, he found out in a roundabout way, not by me. A friend told him bc they thought he needed to get tested. (He didn't, I had not done anything at all with him between me having caught it and my actual diagnosis, hence why I didn't tell him, I knew he was safe). So anyways, back to the story. He texts me and wants to come over. So he did. He didn't know exactly what was going on but he had put two and two together by the time he got to my place. So he asked me if I was pregnant, I said no. He said so it's got to be the other thing. He said it, I tossed my pill bottle at him. I said you know how people get cold sores on their mouth? Well I get them down there. Told him the whole story, stats, everything. He said well I still want to have sex with you. A 1% chance is worth sleeping with you. So, we did. We have been friends for over a year now and finally did it. It boosted my confidence. I don't know if he will keep my secret, or if we will have sex again, or what will happen, but a guy who doesn't have it found out I had it and still slept with me. It has made me feel better, even if it was just sex. I care about him, always have liked him, but it was never "we are going to do a relationship" thing. I think he cares about me in some weird way, even if it's not like a girlfriend way. We always just hung out when we were lonely. So semi-success story. No relationship, but a long time cuddle/makeout/play buddy accepted it and we went a step further because of it. Weird.

Thanks yall! Sorry, it has been a crazy week (moving, graduating, partying), haven't been able to get on as much.

Thanks yall! @sabrina I am moving forward. Slowly. Like turtle pace. On the day I was diagnosed, I said I was dropping out of school...My dad lost it on me of course because this was my last semester. But I didn't want to keep going. I didn't and somewhat still don't care about much of anything anymore. I finished out of respect for him paying for my college. I could give two shits anymore. But, I almost did shutdown, but I didn't. :) @wcs Thank you my internet mom. I hope that a man will see the good things about me one day and look past it, but only time will tell what happens. I gave a guy my number last night...(I went to have a couple drinks to celebrate being done). I felt so stupid giving my number out. Like, I don't know. I felt dirty, like I was lieing. I went to highschool with him, he is a couple years older. Needless to say, he asked me to come home with him, I said uh...I'm not that kind of girl. So he just wants in my pants and I know that from the get go. So that isn't going to work out, can already see that. It was weird giving my number out though. It just didn't feel good, or sit right with me. Guessing that is normal for the first time you hand a number out after being diagnosed. I mean I know I am not marrying the guy, but it just didn't feel good. I don't know how to explain what it felt like, I just felt stupid and dumb, like this is a waste of my time, I don't want this, I would eventually have to tell him, why would I even give him my number. I know I will probably cry on Saturday at my actual graduation. I still feel like a lot of the things I hoped for and dreamed will not happen. I have worked so hard in my life to be a good girl, to be independent, strong, loving, a good friend, try to be "perfect", and I don't know. I guess that is why I feel defeated still. Because who I was before I was diagnosed, is definitely not who I am now. And that girl, I don't know if she will ever come back. Maybe when something good happens to me, I mean school isn't my life goal. I went to school so I knew I would be able to support to my children. That is why I went. Literally. Getting married and being a mom has always been my number one want. When that happens, I will probably change my name. You, as always, are encouraging. I am getting there. My name is my comfort still, if that makes any sense. Love ya too!

Okay! Good...got it now! I will look at it @adrial. Thanks yall! Urban dictionary is great stuff @wcs

:) Thanks for the input ya'll. I haven't noticed it again, so I think I was just off down there. It is finals week as I said so I am under some stress. However, I passed all my finals, and I graduate on Saturday. :) Honor Graduate that is. Yeah, I do what I can to make myself laugh @wcs and @cc123, glad it made you laugh too!

But I don't smell funny now after my bath, so I'm going to go with it's nothing and my vagina just wanted to trick me. I hate talking about this because I feel like a feminine odor commercial. I mean I don't smell down there all the time or nothing y'all... It just was something I noticed only today. Which is why I kind of got scared.

Ahh yes! See okay. Interesting. So she does get an odor, that's good to know I wasn't the only one. But my odor was only during the stage where I was weeping. When I pulled my pants down and could see like fluids on them. (How I know I was in that stage was because of that) because after my doc visit I didn't look at my junk again. The looking just make me cry so I stopped after I was diagnosed by sight. Disgusting. I think I may just be off down there cause I'm not having any other symptoms. But that's when I smelled was during that fluid leaking stage. It wasn't a ton of leaking. It just was noticeable and enough to stick to the bumps and rip like a bandaid every morning (I didn't wear underwear during that initial) Even when I took a bath I still smelled. Made me so nervous. I am in finals week of college so maybe stress is throwing me off. Vaginas...*rolling my eyes*

Thanks @peachyogurtisawesome my thinking was the same, I would be having some kind of pain. I'm like a watchdog on my junk now. Check it constantly and pay attention to any little itch, smell, whatever! I'm just waiting on this next outbreak... And wondering when it's going to happen so I'm on edge about anything that is different down there. Thank you and @wcs for your input.

@adrial "the baby they throw out with the bath water" is that a saying or like there is something they say about some risks with bathwater and babies? I'm confused. Speaking of babies and bathwater, if I find someone to accept me and love me and I get to be a mom which has always been my one true goal and want out of life, if that happens, can I take baths with my baby? Like is it okay to put my baby in the tub with me? Idk, I know I took baths with my parents as a little young baby/kid, which I don't think is uncommon to put them in there with you. Is that safe?

Well when I say I smelled during my initial... I smelled. It was not fishy or anything like that. It literally smelled like an infection of some sort, like it's so hard to explain. The best way I can relate it is when I had laparoscopic surgery when I was 18 and some other things done and it just smelled like sickness. I mean I had infection clearly considering bumps were up my buttcrack but it was nasty. I bathed everyday and used antibacterial soap on my junk during that initial. I think there was only one day I didn't mess with it and I did salt baths that day. And this doesn't smell like a yeast infection or anything like that. Idk maybe things were just off down there ph or something. I just got nervous about it. I'll see how tomorrow goes, just took my night bath. I have always sweat a good bit down there. Sorry, I know I am going into some stuff, I just want to be able to know when I'm breaking out. Since my symptoms last time were so bland it seems. I mean how do I know if I have them up inside me? I don't have the duckbill like the doctor to open me up and look, nor do I want to. If I have them up in me I mean I'll see something right? Like discharge or foul odor? Burning bad when I pee? Something right? But as for me, ya know I've told y'all mine was mostly up my buttcrack which by the way he didn't go back there, not into salad tossing, so it blew my mind that's where I was broke out at. Every night I feel for bumps when I bathe and still nothing since my initial. Idk... Vaginas are crazy. I have asked why I didn't get a penis many many times in my life. I got the shaft. Pun intended. :)

I mean or inside my colon? But I'm not hurting when I pee or number 2. So just a little confused.

Okay. So during my initial when I got to the weeping stage I had this God awful smell down there that I could smell when I simply pulled my pants off. Sorry. Nasty I know but it relates. It just was like an infection smell. I just went to the bathroom and had a light hint of that same smell. I have no bumps visible as I broke out mostly on my butt. I mean could they be up in my vagina? I haven't had any weird discharge that was smelly or anything or different colored nor does my discharge smell. Maybe I just need a bath? Idk. Just when I pulled my pants down it was a light smell. I took a bath last night so Im not unhygienic. Haha. But I haven't bathed today yet. Just a little confused. I know this is all kind of funny but I'm worried I'm outbreaking somewhere and can't see it. Any ideas?

Thanks Adrial. I'm trying. Trying. I got to do something. Can't just sit here and wallow in all this anymore everyday. Got to stop crying so damn much and be the strong person I was before all of this.

Ohhhh @kitkat21 also, there have been some studies, no real straight forward yes this works answers, but lysine is supposed to combat the growth of the virus. During my initial Outbreak I took it twice a day 1000 mg along with my valtrex and drank nothing but water and ate a crap ton of yogurt and drank milk since those are high in lysine. Do some research on it and see what you think. Some people think it helps some don't. It's a supplement (well amino acid) but you get it at the drug store. Now I just take it if I'm eating something that is high in arginine or didn't get enough high lysine foods in my diet that day, arginine supposedly makes the virus grow. I was really proactive like you and did just about anything I could find to help. But you can research it and make your own call on it. Keep your immune system strong so you lessen the chance of another outbreak. Immune system plays a big part in this as does stress. So try to stay stress free. I can't really say whether it did or didn't help because I did a few things during that initial outbreak, so you can give it a shot if you think it's worth it. :)