thisisgoingtobeokay (previ

@wcsdancer2010 who would have thunk it? I'm trying, I'll probably fall back, but I'm trying. :) thank you!

Hello!!! Welcome to the site. I have HSV1 genitally, been diagnosed about a month and a half, got it from oral sex too. Official call was on October 31, outbreak had cleared by then. You are not alone and in good company here. Big hugs to you. I am new to all this too so I am only going to answer the things I can do the best about to help you. 1. Every person is different, so no one outbreak and symptoms will be the exact same for each person. Here is how my initial went to give you an idea about mine, but remember everyone is different: lasted total of 7days, started Valtrex the day I went to the doctor, I had had 4 bumps by the time I went to the doctor, after the doctor more bumps came, round about total of 10-12 mostly on my buttcrack. I did not bleed, but did "weep" usually the pus you are referring too. If you started medicine, you should heal a little quicker from my understanding. 2&3 I'm going to hope someone else can help you with, because I am new to all this too and not sure what I would do. I did tell the guy who gave me this. He did get tested and was positive for hsv1. I also did disclose to some friends because my parents were not exactly nice about it. 4. Epsom salt baths! As many as you want a day. I did two a day, with like 3 handfuls of the salt in some hot water. It may sting a little but I swear for me this was what cleared me up so fast. I didn't itch at all. I swear by epsom salt. Tea tree oil is another one many many people recommend. I haven't had another outbreak to try it. 5. Yes. The first is the worst. As time goes on each outbreak is supposed to be less frequent and less painful, not last as long etc. Note: my initial outbreak got worse before it got better. New bumps came each day. Not saying yours will, but that's how mine ran. Note: HSV1 is supposed to have less outbreaks than HSV2. Again. Every person is different. My initial outbreak was not like horror stories you read, from your comment I'm guessing your initial isn't too bad for you either. BE THANKFUL for that. :) I am. I could sit stand walk, just more emotionally tore up than physically hurting. I hurt physically a little bit but not bad at all. So, as it goes. if this one isn't that bad then the next one should be easier than this one, typically that's how it works. Again, everyone is different. 6. If I had one piece of advice being new to this too, I guess it would be to breathe and find support. Take it day by day and know that everything you are feeling is okay. I felt bad for being so upset because everyone told me to get over it, in my actual physical life. It only hurt me more to hear that. So when I came here and got told: what you are feelin is okay. it helped me. Know that it IS going to be alright, even if it doesn't feel that way right at this moment. Hope I helped some. Again welcome to the boards. Someone I'm sure will come behind me and fill in the places I may have left out or couldn't give good advice on. I'm new to this, so forgive me for that, but I wanted to help if I could. You have come to a great place. This site has helped me so much. Everyone is truly so supportive and loving. Blessings to you. Big big hugs to you. :)

No no no. @molly1 God. Can't believe I of all people am actually saying this, only because I still feel the way you do about "shit I'm doomed, they are doomed", but I'm trying this whole telling myself the opposite of what I'm thinking thing so here goes. You are not doomed. Someone who wants to sleep with you, go down on you is not doomed either. From what Ive read about you, you are on suppressive therapy. Bigggggggg protector for an H negative partner. Add a condom in the mix and by golly that risk goes down even more. You are not doomed. You are allowed to think like that and have those feelings, it's natural, but at some point realize, it's not the actual truth. You are not doomed, nor is someone who loves you and accepts you regardless of this. It won't matter to them if they truly love you. But love you FIRST. You come first right now. No one is doomed, we just feel that way when we initially get diagnosed. It's normal. But you will realize in time, it's a bullshit lie we tell ourselves. Why, because I already know one guy who told me it wouldn't matter to him and he could look past it. But, he is a close friend of mine that Id never jeopardize that relationship with. I've been lieing to myself and allowing myself to believe the bullshit I've been feeding myself. It's natural, we all do it. Hugs to you, we aren't/nor potential partners are not doomed. Chin up buttercup. Give it time. :)

@abc123 we are here for you. Post away, vent, let it out, whatever you need and feel you need to do. It helps. Talking to those who truly understand the emotions and feelings you are working through. We all are either there, have been there, or falling back to there. It's a process and I'm no where near being totally healed, totally okay. You are in a safe place. This is my safe zone, I'm freaking out zone, comfort zone. Post away, your story may help someone, you never know. But I do know we will be here to support you and love you. Hugs to you. :)

Supposedly, epsom salt baths help with the itch. Can't give you much insight because I really didn't itch during my outbreak (ive only had one). I itched like only a couple times when I peed 2 days BEFORE any bumps came. When the bumps came I didn't itch at all. But I did epsom salt baths and didn't itch. It's cheap, easy, and relaxing. Highly recommend. I've also read that many women sometimes experience a yeast infection after the initial outbreak. Are you itching in your woman hole or outside the woman hole?

Thank you Noel. :)

checked and posted. :)

Loved the talk about the arena, and the Roosevelt quote. This will be going somewhere on a wall, in my car. This means so much to me. "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

Thank you guys for the support and encouragement. I appreciate all of it. Very very much. Time heals all wounds. clinging to that saying as hard as I can.

Well I am glad I read this because I noticed a the pictures coming up and I have absolutely loved it and it has made me feel awesome. Proud of all of you and so glad to see y'all's faces. Y'all are beautiful people! WCS is like a freaking house mother. I swear it. Leading all us ladies, some tough love on my end ;) but always with the best intentions.

I needed to read something like this. Thank you so very much for posting. :)

Thanks everyone. Just had a bad night with it. A little better. All of your words are encouraging.

Got my fingers crossed!

Uh yeah @peachyogurtisawesome I had all my girlfriends down in my junk and we googled images and they all were like no way that shit dont look like those pictures. Literally, I had 4 of my girlfriends look at my junk. And everyone was like that isn't herpes. I mean we hydrogen peroxided and qtipped my junk. And that is what floored me when I got the news it was, because it was not all over my junk. And it definitely didn't look like those pictures. And @xtina420 you are right! My doctor did act like it was nothing. He just was almost like...no big deal. He even told me he would kiss me since I was so scared about kissing my nieces when I was diagnosed to show me it isn't that big of a deal. (He didn't, but said he would.) My girlfriend has told me that she would get it from me so we would both go through it together. Weird, she is. And I of course said uh no. That's crazy. I am definitely only interested in men, but I think her point was that she would be here and go through it with me. Did make me laugh. Keep us updated on how suppressive therapy is working!

Even though they weren't on my vagina, but my lovely butt crack, I still only think about my vagina. I guess cause of sex. Idk. And I didn't go to the bathroom number 2 for a week straight. Detailed... Sorry. But I was scared to go because the bumps were back there, and since you typically break out in the same spots I'm scared. I didn't want to infect them or anything so I just didn't go. Which was easier than you think.

@peachyogurtisawesome I don't know how you are so positive. Your posts always make me laugh. Idk, because the valtrex makes me nauseous some days I have thought, just try it and see. But I'm too scared because even though my first one wasn't horrible. I am scared it would be like that again. I had this like oh my god is my vagina ever going to heal, scared feeling that like they wouldn't ever go away. When was your first and basically time line of the outbreaks?

Peach yogurt you are a brave brave person. I jumped down my doctors throat when he suggested giving the first year a trial and error. I told him hell no. I want suppressive therapy. I don't care what you say. It's my body my choice.The first year is supposed to be the worst. You are brave. So brave. I don't have the courage to not take it and plan to my entire life. It can mess up my kidneys or live or whatever else the internet says it does. I'm not going off it. Ever. Ever. Ever. Can you sense my terrified of having another one?

@xtina420 I am on suppressive therapy. I know you said on my thread you have HSV1. My doctor told me he didn't think I needed it. Since the type I have. But I pretty much told him i didn't care what he thought I wanted it to reduce breaking out ever again. So I'm on it. Valtrex 500mg once a day is what I am on. Valtrex I've noticed makes me nauseous some days. That's the only issue I've had with it. I'm high strung in general, so I just wanted it to try my best to reduce chances of breaking out ever again. But it's up to you and your doctor and what you feel is best. Just thought id give insight into my thought process and experience on it. I mean I've only had this a month and a half, but I haven't broken out again, and believe me I have had some very stressful things happen to me lately. So... Fingers crossed this medicine is working. Good luck!

@nexislexis, thank you. I've considered getting a dog. I thought maybe that might cheer me up. I also was given lexapro. But I haven't been taking that. Maybe I should. I just don't want to be all drugged up to cope with this, but I know right now I need it. My friends are worried about the klonopin because I have been taking it a little excessively but it's the only thing leveling me.

From my understanding, if they are weeping like fluids... You can. I'm not a doctor but, I'll tell you mine were mostly on my butt crack and I didn't wipe. I patted. I wasn't taking that risk of spreading it around down there. I had one on my inner vaginal lip. That's the only one on my girly parts I had. From what I've been told and read about, the weeping fluid stage is when you can spread it around the area. But you may want to verify with your doctor. Probably can give you the best answer.

Well I've only been diagnosed for about a month and a half and nothing has happened down there since the initial. But! I am on suppressive therapy. It isn't a big deal to me, suppressive therapy. I told my doctor when I was diagnosed I wanted medicine everyday regardless of what he wanted to do. He obliged and gave me a prescription for daily valtrex one pill a day. So that's what I do. And I have had nothing happen down there yet. I don't think suppressive therapy is a bad idea. I mean it's yours and your doctors decision but as for me, it's what I wanted. I don't want to breakout ever ever ever again. So I reduce the risk by taking this medicine. That's my hope at least.

Yeah @nic4897. My sign is Cancer. Go freaking figure. I am the most emotional sign. I was emotional before this and clearly after. And yes, anyone who knows me can tell you I am one of the most sensitive people you ever will meet. Get my feelings hurt by the slightest thing. Thank you. That actually helped. A lot. Maybe I need to do that. Write down what I think is positive about myself and keep it with me when I start having a day like today. What a wonderful idea. Thank you.

Thanks @aerial2013. I am sorry to hear you are having another outbreak. My heart breaks for you. And I'm hanging in there, just having one of those nights. I've calmed down a good bit from earlier. Took the hot bath as suggested, ate some dinner. I hope I have that story. I really really do. Just going to hit my books and study. Finals week. @abc123 This site helps me feel less alone too. It has pretty much become my second family to help me through all this. It is just crazy because I haven't had a true breakdown day in about a week. And I thought I made it out of it, but I haven't clearly yet. @nic4897 You made a good point. If I am looking for hope...start with myself. I have got to love myself with this, and I am clearly not there yet. Clearly. No where near loving myself. And I like your restaurant idea. No, I would never say well... I have herpes and here are the other things about me. I mean, I have always considered myself to be a very loving, giving person. Always there if anyone needs me. I am that friend. I have a degree in accounting in less than 2 weeks. Graduating with honors. I am determined and driven. Independent. I can dance like no ones business. No lie. My favorite thing to do is dance. I love the beach, I feel completely at ease there. I work hard. Always have. I'm a pretty serious person. I don't date just for the hell of it. I only date people I could see myself being with on a long term basis. I love hard. When I fall, I fall hard. Really hard. And I am the kind of person who would do anything in the world for that person. I am a giver. I am confident when it comes to what I want to do with my life, very strong willed. Those are my best qualities I guess.

How does anyone know I'm going to find someone to accept this? How does anyone know that and I keep getting told that by my friends outside of this forum but how does anyone know? My best friend told me that I'm too pretty that this is going to be overlooked so easily for me, but how does she know? And me being pretty, by her standards, how does that make a man look past herpes? I don't feel pretty anymore. Not that I did before, I had low self esteem before this but now it's really bad. And I don't know how anyone is ever going to look past this? I don't. And how can the person who did this to me walk away and not care or be here for me? How can someone do that? How? I can't get over it. He should be here. He should be with me. He should care. I need him to care. I need him to care that he did this to me and to call me and stop ignoring me. And how do I know karma is going to handle it? Like am I the only person who thinks what he is doing is wrong? I feel like I am. And I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Having a bad day with it and I need inspiration fast. I've taken a klonopin to calm the nerves but really am not at a good place tonight. And I need help. Really scared tonight and really upset. And feeling like it's never going to get better until the people who should be here are. Him. Mostly. And I can't get past someone not caring or being there for me when they did this to me. And I can't stop worrying. I've spent days trying to move past him not caring and not being here for me and I can't. And I need help tonight. Seeing no bright side in any of this. And I don't want to be alone anymore.