Jasonlee56

I am using L-Lysine and Gene-Eden-Vir. OB's limited to every 6 to 9 months.

@isleguy... I agree with Veteran. It's best to be honest. I know...because I wasn't for decades with my wife and finally came clean. I always ask myself, "what is the worst that can happen?" You already have relegated yourself to separating. If she doesn't understand...you are in the same place you are now. If, on the other hand she listens and tries to understand...the effect...will be like starting over. Why? Because this kind of honesty requires a complete "reboot" in tech terms. Ashley and Mr Hopp...also gave valuable advice. Listen to it. I wish you well...and if you need to reach out...please do. I felt like you did...and somehow, someway...survived it. You can too.

@herpaderp123...Like the majority on here...you did the right thing. I had a similar dilemma...and this is to make your guilt...feel a little less guilty. I had it for decades and never told my wife. Frankly...I thought there was a chance she gave it to me. To make a long story short...I came clean about 2 years ago. Her reaction? "If I haven't caught it by now...it must be hard to catch". Yeah....my wife is awesome...and understanding. To the point, as some have stated...if your partner...does do some research....she MIGHT and I stress the might part.....Might actually understand. Like my wife and I...if after all the times you had sex and she did not catch it...you were doing all of the right things to avoid passing it on. That said, to continue with you (if she chooses to) is TOTALLY her choice. She needs to understand the risks, take the appropriate measures....be completely honest with you and you with her. If you find away to continue the relationship, you both need an action plan SHOULD she catch it. The great news is you have the weight of the world off your shoulder...with a simple task. Honesty. It should drive everything you do with her in the future, REGARDLESS of whether you get back together or not. Good luck. Welcome to the group.

@mr_hopp.....Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Always insightful. I suppose...your position on dealing with the disease upfront and with candor...is the correct way. From your position of experience it has worked out for you. From my own standpoint...it did as well. My fear lies in the eventuality if/when relationships go sour...and the disease is an excuse or the real reason for a breakup. Based on some of the comments on here....taking the high road and being honest with others....is difficult at best. My thought is like losing a loved one...there are several stages of grief....most/if not all...we are forced to live through. This disease is no different. Some of us snap out of it quickly, for others it takes time...and plenty of reflection. I guess if my relationship went south or ended, I would try to be strong...and tough it out by "opening up with others". The realist in me says...that sometimes it's just better...to not bring up at all....until the timing is right. Hence....my thoughts on only dating those with the disease. My guess is ...if there is one population that understands the agony...we have gone through (both mentally and physically)...it's those that have caught it. Thanks again...for the dialogue. Part of the therapy aspect of this...is talking through some of the questions we are asking ourselves.

I can understand the depression and feeling down in the dumps. I get there sometimes as well. The fact your are working toward being a therapist....should give you more empathy and understanding with patients, no? Also...a bit of a leg up on other therapists. Channel that pain...into a worthwhile endeavor and learn that maybe you were put on this planet to help others. How to deal with the disease? This disease (in my humble opinion) is far more insidious mentally than physically. Many of us feel broken, dirty, unworthy (shall I go on?). I had to realize that in reality...from a sexual point of view...it only narrowed the range of partners I could be with. I mention that (even though I am married) simply because many spouses/partners cannot deal with this longterm. With that in mind (I am a realist) and recognize that at some point...this disease many affect our marriage to the point of breakup. I hope not....but one has to be able to "read your partner" on an ongoing basis. Which brings me to my last point (sorry about the novelette). Again...IMHO...we have choices. Try to date those without the disease (and continually deal with the negativity) or..date those with the disease. I wish you well. I hope you continue to ask questions, reveal your vulnerabilities and come to grips....with this disease. Jason

I have the flip side of the story. I concealed from my wife for over 35 years.... my diagnosis. It was terrible, but I was ashamed, embarrassed...all of the above. Amazingly she has never gotten it after thousands of times of sexual contact. We ended up having a discussion (a year or so ago)...as our marriage was suffering. She admitted an affair from a long time ago, as did I. Then I told her about the HSV2. She literally did not blink. She told me with all the sex we have had over the years it must be hard to catch. I told her that I never had sex with her days before an outbreak and 3 weeks after...which I am guessing...helped. We discussed ending the relationship (not a good alternative). Me going celibate. Again...not a good alternative. We did not have sex for about 6 weeks after that...and I told her...she needs to make a decision one way or another. So...I am now on supplements (Lysine and another). Only have a breakout once every 6 to 9 months. We still have a long way to go (marriage wise)....but it is alot better than it was. I wish you the best. Sometimes we guys don't think with our brains....and this kind of stuff happens. Jason

Great question...and my apologies on the delay in getting back to you. Holidays and all. The precautions we use were numerous. First...I told her if she did not want to have sex with me...I would understand. I think ANY partner should be given that choice. If they do..then you go to the precautions. We don't have sex 2 to 4 days before an outbreak (one can feel it coming on). Then we don't have sex for 3 weeks afterwards. From what I have read...this will minimize the risk, but the odds are not zero of her catching it. Third, I take supplements that seem to delay the OB'S to every 6 to 9 months. This really helps. Fourth...we try to stay away from vaginally intercourse without a condom. The virus apparently is more in tune with the genitals...so oral sex ...makes more sense. At least for us. Again...no guarantees. I have offered to be celibate. Her response was "in nearly 40 years and thousands of times of making love and I haven't caught it? We must be doing something right". On a side note...I am pretty realistic. I realize she may change her mind or she could catch it (which would be the worse). There are worse things in the world to have and most of the issues (I deal with) are mental. There are millions of us out there...so don't feel alone. Let me know if I can answer any other questions. Jason

I understand your dilemma. I also can feel for his concern and hesitancy. I have had HSV 2 since 1986. I am married and my wife and I have had sex all during this time. She has not caught it. My wife's thought process was that since we are careful...and she has not caught it...it must be fairly difficult to pass on. I agree...buy there are no guarantees that she won't eventually catch it. She understands this. So....trying to convince someone that has no idea of what you are going through is...tough. Pushing the issue won't work, either. Either he is in (with safety precautions) or he is not the one. I have discussed with my wife (should we split) that personally...I would just try to find someone with the disease. I know..that is selfish...but I still have issues with my wife..knowing there is a chance (albeit a slight one) that I may give it to her. That day (should it come) will be alot worse than the day I got HSV2. I hope you are able to come to some resolution. There are plenty of people on here to assist. Best... Jason

Fascinating....

I have had all of the COVID boosters, annual flu shots, RSV, pneumonia (both doses) and both shots of shingles. I have had no increase (or decrease) in the amount of outbreaks. Like most things human...it just depends on who you are. Everyone is different and responds accordingly.

Hi, ....there has been some comments on here about length of time to have HSV and whether one can have a "Normal" life. Not sure what Normal means...but I have had it since 1986. Mentally, it was tougher at the start. HSV has to get used to your body....and your immune system. Over the last 10 years I have had outbreaks roughly twice a year. With supplements I am now at 7 to 10 months between outbreaks. Feel free to contact me with questions. Not a doctor, but have had this along time...so I understand what many of your are experiencing.