PrimordialOoze

Okm got it. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks for guiding me because I am sooooo lost. X~me

Dear L&C - we're sisters, sistah! The same darn thing is going on with me. Hearts to you. Strength to you. You will find someone... and if not, we have a consolation prize, H and each other. Laugh a little, live a little. Do things that you love, which you stopped doing when you were married. Cook a delish meal and eat on the good china. Flirt a little, dress up, All is not lost. You still are a great mom! A force of nature. You are invincible - a little virus can't kick your butt, you kick it back to where it belongs. Love, hugs, kisses dear one, PM me!!! X~me

Oh Sweet sweet Chelmara9! I can't imagine what you are going through. Take one day at a time. Lots of tight hugs! X~me

Ooooooooo I don't know what to do. We were on the phone late. And he said that he really wanted to meet me etc etc. We really do get along well and we are exactly what the other is looking for. He is older (by 9 years - gasp!) and stable and wiser and exactly the grounding that I need. I'm a little more happy go lucky and cheerful (YES, I am, usually), and I know he needs that lift in his life. Then he said he wanted to take me, the kids (his and mine) and him on a holiday in a couple of weeks to make sure we all get along. I really love that he is thinking on these lines because that means that he is thinking long term. but I can't help feeling that It's too fast! He is so sincere and earnest and I don't know what to do! One thing I was thinking: since we are on "fast-forward", is to go and meet him next weekend (before the proposed weekend away and before any plans have been made) and tell him about h then? Both of us really value honesty (like really really). I don't know his feelings for sti's and if we are thinking of spending weekends together, I have to let him know sooner rather than later. Also, I don't want to seem like I went on a "free vacay" and took advantage etcetc. I would like my kids not to meet anyone until my divorce is final , Just 'cause I don't want my ex to have any ammunition by mistake. PLUS, is he the REAL DEAL? Ah! So many things! Love you guys! X~me

I need to cry, just cry. I just want someone to hold me while I cry. So, you all know I'm in the most delicate situation. Compared to a few weeks ago, I now have sooooo many guys wanting to date me. Despite being older and with kids etc. But I can't get over the fact that I most probs have h and I can't bring myself to date anyone or tell anyone. I still have the tingle, numbness, burning. Im still taking antivirals everyday and just started l-lysine. I really like one of these guys. He is so cool and dynamic and everything i am looking for. I don't want to lead these guys on. I can't even have phone convos with them because i feel like I'm going to blurt it out and I'm known to blurt stuff out. Here, the stigma will not only be mine, but my family, my kids, my parents everyone will have this over them so, no one can know!!!!. And i also found out one of my employee has h (hipaa is non-existant here) and my heart broke. I don't know how he got it and I'm not going to embarrass him either. Ugh!!!! I've started telling people I get shingle outbreaks. Oh goodness. Fn miserable ugh. I can't even type anymore. I am so disgusted!!!!! Not with having h but that it's such a big frappin deal!!!!! I love my h family on here. Stay strong peeps. X~me

Thanks dancer. I don't seem to be able to catch a break ha. I am so sad most of the time ugh! X

So this is becoming a pity party and I'm invited! I run a mid size company and yes the stress is high. I am also now a single mom. Juggling my work and kids and home etc I started leaning on my mom. My father (who's advice rregarding my sadness about my marriage is "cry into a pillow") started lecturing me about how I was taking advantage of my mom. This is after I have had conversations with her about the kids and so on and so forth. And then when I tried to tell him I need the help and asked him what I was supposed to do he said I don't care. I was so shocked. The hurting burning sleepless nights, busy stressful days made worse by weird emotional feedback from someone I should be able to depend on makes for a very very distressing situation. Thanks for reading and your continued support. I love you all. X~ me

Oh! In hell again. I am having a break through outbreak even on suppressive therapy. I'm upping my dose. I don't want to go to the doc cause he's creepy. I may just call him and insist on a phone consult saying I'm busy which I am. usually see him at a big hospital and he keeps insisting to see me at his private clinic and keeps asking me where I live. Maybe he's trying to be nice? My prodrome (sp) seems to be a band of burning across my butt yesterday and viola... a little itchy, burny bump this morning. I was also extremely emotional yesterday due to other personal stuff And i had a fever and cold like symptoms over the weekend.That could have been the trigger. However, I can't not be emotional. And I wasn't even emotional about h, it was about my seperation and having to file for divorce. Ugh! I wish I had a "safe" haven or person to talk to near me. Like physically here. It's torture. I feel lost and alone and so very unloved. I wish I could just grow up and manage my emotions better, but I feel like I'm regressing to the emotional intelligence of a 5 y/o. I can see the change in me but feel powerless. I'm not angry or mad. Just deeply sad. Thanks for reading guys. X~me

Sweetie - much love to you. I hope it works out. X~ me

"All I want Is to be loved. By someone other than my own self.And to love someone other than my own self." That is exactly what we all want. (h) or not, that's what we want. Thanks you for sharing. It's beautiful :x

Thanks. I'll try to keep trudging along. But its hard to think that far ahead. Putting my picture up is my way of starting to accept what I have and move on. Though I am crying here right now, at this moment. I will come to terms with everything, and I know I'll be stronger on the other side. X ~ me :x

You're absolutely right and I know I will get there eventually ... with you prodding me :P much loves x~ me

Ahhh! Dancer. I think it's done and over with. I don't think I'll ever find a partner/companion here. :( super duper sad face. Plus it's heading to night here and the pains, numbness are moving in. :( x ~ me

That's it! No sex for me! It slays me to think that even though I may take every single precaution that I may - just may transmit this. I would not be able to live with myself :/

Zyphen! Good going! Guys you rock! X ~ me

ooo Dancer is really a dancer :) There is no "closure". Even if you do confront the person you think gave you this, you are still left with it. My ex of 15 years (11 of them married) gave me this and I am SURE he has no idea. I'm still dealing with my primary OB and I'm not doing well with it at all! hahaha! So, I just take each feeling one at a time, try not to get too depressed and look on the bright side (is there one? yes, yes yes there is) X~me

So true! Now if (a BIG if) I meet someone it will have to be at such a different level than before. Here's hoping for the best for everyone! Loves X ~ me

You're right. I think right now I feel so insecure with everything that something I would have just shrugged off usually is becoming a big thing. I have to stay focused. Too many things going on. The big joke is - now that my personal life is shot, I'm doing great professionally :P so, I have that going for me. :) Thanks though for reading my teenage angst like musings and taking the time to write back!!! Love ya'll X ~ me

I'm so sorry you are going through this. X ~ me

This is good to know! Thanks!

Dancer, either a. He is dealing with work/personal related stuff or b. He ran. He has blown me off twice now after we had made plans to Skype. One more blow off , and I'm done pursuing. I may actually upload my pic here and come out of the (h) closet. I feel sad. X~me

Ashley, & Dancer, thanks for your kind words. But, here, by me, dating itself is impossible . Add divorce, kids and now (h) hahaha. My life is over in more than one way lol. I'm trying to stay strong and positive but ... x~me

You are the best!!!! X ~ me

Guys, I couldn't do it. Hurt too much. I will continue to give it a shot everyday. Right now it still feels raw. I'm trying to stay positive but everyday is a major struggle. X ~ me

Oooooo and 38 is not "old" :P