riverstyx

OK, well I am going out with the girl after work on Saturday, so that is when I will have the discussion with her. We will see what she says! Wish me luck!!!

@fitgirl It makes sense. Part of it is personal, I mean, I never met a woman I felt comfortable being that vulnerable with, so this is hard for me. But she's the first girl I feel genuine affection for in a long time and I do want to make this work. I just hope she doesn't react in a negative way and I hope she doesn't question my negative results.

Hmm, I guess I see what you are both saying. I'm confident in my negative result I just figured what's the point but maybe it will provide some context for the discussion we will have. I feel silly saying I am nervous about it, but I know most people don't talk about STDs first so I don't want her to think I'm weird. I've never had this discussion before.

I figured I would leave that part out because the doctor said I don't have it because of my western blot and immunoblot negative. So why open that can of worms.

Hi Everyone!! I don't know if you remember me: I had quite the HSV-2 scare during the summer of 2014. Long story short, I had the Western Blot done, and another immunoblot, and I got my negative result (18 months after my last *possible* exposure) so I know I don't have it. But the experience was traumatic and I want to be more responsible about my dating life and get checked for STDs with every new partner. I had met this one girl online a couple of months ago, and after a brief lull in communication we started talking more frequently over the past few weeks, and we have been on several dates. I can feel myself really starting to grow fond of this girl, and that's something I never really let myself feel before. So naturally I want things to work out. I can feel that it is getting to "that time" when we are going to become physically intimate, so I definitely want to have a talk with her about STDs. Now, believe me, I know that's not a romantic or sexy conversation, but it's one I definitely have to have for my peace of mind. I have scripted how I want it to go, and so maybe you can tell me whether it sounds good and what changes I need to make? Thanks! Hi ____, the reason I wanted to talk tonight was because I think we're both at a stage in our relationship where we've developed feelings for each other and want to take things to the next level. I know I feel strongly about you and I want things to work out. But I also want to make sure that we do right by each other and are responsible. So what I'm proposing is that we both get tested for STDs before we become intimate. Please understand this is not about me suspecting you of having something, and it's definitely not about whether I trust you or not. I do. It's about knowledge. I think we will feel that much better if we know whether this will be something we have to confront or not, and it's important because practically every major STD can appear without symptoms. I trust you and I want the best for us." How does it sound??? Do you think she'll go for it?

OK, so for people who don't remember my story: I received a couple of false-positives for HSV-2. Long story short, I found out they were false-positives via the Western Blot and another immunoblot and I got my official negative result. But I decided from then on that I would get tested with new partners before becoming intimate. Met a girl at the gym. It probably won't work out for separate reasons, but let's say we both get tested, and we're all negative for all STDs, except like most people she comes back positive for HSV-1. Now, that can mean that she has HSV-1 orally or genitally. And how am I supposed to know or decide where she has it? I mean, this just comes down to trust, and risk? Now, most people have HSV-1 but half of all new genital herpes cases are genital HSV-1. So what am I supposed to do? Never sleep with anyone again, ever? Because there is a possibility that that HSV-1 they claim or think they have orally is really genital HSV-1? I just feel stuck here. It was a traumatic 5-6 months weeding through the false-positives and getting to the bottom of the truth and I'm just looking to do what I can to avoid putting myself in that situation again. But it doesn't seem like in the short or long run it will work out, as a practical matter...

@sf65xx The important thing is to listen to *yourself* as well. Don't get involved in doing something if you do not feel 100% ready at this point. Give yourself time to process your own feelings, and talk about them with your wife when you both are ready. From the other posts on this forum, it should be clear that what you are feeling is totally normal and OK. Make the decision that you feel is right for *you* and your relationship. Since my herpes scare I have a new "policy" now of getting tested with new partners and exchanging our paperwork before becoming intimate. Regardless of whether it is from the trauma of my summer scare, or whether the experience has made me think more about how I want to approach the issue of STDs, know these are things you can do, like get tested with your wife, to learn about her sexual health so its not just a crapshoot. I know getting tested isn't spontaneous, and it sure isn't sexy, but it works, if that is something you are considering.

@raininghoney To correct something that was said here: only very rarely does it take as long as one calendar year for an IGG antibody test to turn positive. Every study out of the University of Washington documents that the vast majority of those infected with genital herpes will test positive by six months. By "vast majority" I mean well over 99%. Yes, it is theoretically possible to take as long as one year to test positive. But the probability is greater than 99% that by six months, if you test negative, you are well and truly negative.

@FLNewH I just wanted to say, as far as the profile picture, I think you look gorgeous in it, and it would be wonderful to continue seeing your smiling face next to your posts. Do keep it up!

I'm from New Jersey, where will you go for your test?

@forgivenessandpeace I'm revising what I first said. Yes, I was enormously relieved. But I also had a kind of more weathered and mature perspective by the end of my saga, than I did at the beginning. To me, getting the "negative" results at long last made the puzzle piece fall into place, but I always knew it was there, I just had to search for it the right way. As soon as I got the second false-positive I knew that I was in the fight of my life--up until then, at least. In retrospect thinking that way was silly, because I now realize that "h" is so undeserving of the stigma that accompanies it. But understand, while I am familiar with all of the baser motives of human nature, and all of the unfortunate things that happen to people every hour of every day, nothing like that had happened to me. I lived quite a sheltered and comfortable existence growing up. So when this came along, I literally couldn't believe it. But I am so proud of how I reacted: I was so relentlessly aggressive and I remorselessly questioned every doctor, and real and imagined "expert" to find a definitive answer. I also angered a lot of people and hurt many of my relationships, because people wanted me to "put this behind me" and "move on." How little compassion, how little empathy, some people have. It was disappointing to see this revealed in some of those closest to me. But I *refused* to move on until I had my answer, one way or the other. Now, I have it. And I wouldn't change a thing. I would do everything all over again exactly the way I did it. And would you believe I don't even get "cold sores" around my mouth? My *entire life* I assumed that the little welts I would get in the corners of my mouth were from HSV-1. But no, they were from a bacterial infection which would "come and go" from time to time. Very odd, and very confusing, if you ask me. I also learned that when things get very difficult, people start to show their true colors. Hard times have a way of sifting out those who really, truly are in it with you for the long haul, and those who are just, well, full of shit. So I'm grateful for my experience on that account as well. And you know what the funny thing was? Everybody was acting like I had *created* this *whole* crisis by getting tested in the first place. Even my therapist said "oh well you look for a crisis and you 'found' one and you walked right into it." As if I had known beforehand the entire time that I would be one of the few who received not one, but two false-positives, and that I just decided to take the plunge and get tested anyway, because I'm a masochist like that! But I am grateful because I came out a wiser, smarter, stronger, more aggressive man who now *knows* beyond a shadow of a doubt that he can do anything that he wants, and can accomplish anything he wants. I wouldn't trade that feeling for anything in the world.

@WCSDancer2010 I read on www.medhelp.org *all the time* about people who received low-positives that turned out to be false-positives. Of course, the manufacturer of the test does not wish to change the definitions of "positive," "negative," and "equivocal" for the test. *I really think* that if enough people got together--I'm talking about a few hundred--and sued the manufacturer for many, many millions of dollars in damages due to emotional distress, *that* would motivate them to change the values and invest the necessary resources to make an effective change.

@redroses What you said about paranoia is so true in my experience. I paid intense and unceasing attention to the area after receiving my two false-positive tests (both were low-positives). Not surprisingly, I found things. I researched everything, and went to the doctor at least a half-dozen times to verify that what I was experiencing was not in fact herpes. It was a very difficult time.

@redroses Hi there. I'm just curious, did you get the index value back from your test yet? Is there still some doubt about whether you have "h" or not? I went through a similar situation during this past summer, and it consumed me for the entire summer. I just got another test about 2 weeks ago, and that put an end to my concerns, finally. But I learned a couple of things about herpes testing along the way, and I'm happy to share with you. The HerpeSelect ELISA, which is one of the most widely used diagnostic tests for herpes, is extremely accurate *for index values over 3.5*. For index values *between* 1.1 and 3.5, *on average* 50% of results are false-positives. Finding out the index value is key. In conjunction with any relevant symptom history that you may know of, it will tell you (a) whether you have a low index value because you are seroconverting, or (b) whether you likely had a false-positive. In either case, a Western Blot would likely go a long way toward clearing up any lingering confusion. Forgive me if the issue concerning your diagnosis is already settled; I just got the impression from reading that it was not.

I don't know how I feel about it, forgivenessandpeace, I mean, yes, I did have two false positives, but I don't know how frequent or rare that is. If it is rare, then I say more testing would probably help things because the CDC is unwittingly reinforcing the stigma by telling everybody to bury their heads in the sand. Now, that's just my opinion. To me, as an h- person, dating an h+ person is no big deal. But I guess different people process things differently. Both CityofAngels and beach dude make completely valid points, however. Let's just hope beachdude's motives aren't now questioned because he happens to be espousing an "alternative" view....

Oh, so you defend theo's right to question CityofAngels with the intention of making him or her feel bad about their contributions to the forum, just because she "doesn't like" what he has to say? I will always and everywhere speak against that crap. And by the way, it was theo's CHOICE whether to respond yesterday. Nobody made her go on the forum to respond to CityofAngels. She CHOSE to make a veiled mean spirited attack on CityofAngels with the intention of driving him off this forum, and that's exactly what she did. It is one thing to disagree with somebody. It is another to make them feel bad for well intentioned comments, like they was doing. CityofAngels didn't slam anybody, he was speaking the truth as he knows it as a doctor, which the is not, and you sure aren't either. And theo didn't have any viewpoint on any issue: she just said what she said to try to get CityofAngels off of here, and that's exactly what she managed to do. Is that just? Is that fair? And since when does anybody other that Adrial have the right to say who gets to stay on this forum? Now am I going to be politely questioned as to why I'm here because some people judge my time is up? Exactly what viewpoint was then offering in her comments? I would really like to know, I would like to hear it......because I seem to have missed it.

@Theo1824 Alright, now I'm going to add MY view. My situation is different than CityofAngel's, because unlike him I went through an actual herpes scare this past summer when I received not one, but two false-positives that took three months to clear up with yet more testing (Western Blot, and yet another Immunoblot). But now that I and my doctors know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I don't have h, does this mean I shouldn't come on the forum anymore? That I'm not welcome? That "ok, thank you, you're done, now move on" is going to be the attitude? @Theo1824, I understand that CityofAngels comments are discouraging, but your comment in response to him/her was an absolute disgrace. You showed a complete inability to discern the context and meaning behind your own feelings: was what you were feeling based on anything legitimate other than an intolerance of CityofAngel's different opinion? Did you question whether you might actually need to feel the things you were feeling in order to get to the greater truth, whatever it happens to be? No, you didn't. And I don't think anybody was fooled by you saying you meant your comments "in the nicest way possible" to CityofAngels, because we all knew your intention: to make CityofAngels feel unwanted and unwelcome, and that is a BAD intention. And that you can't cover up. I'm no scientist, but I study philosophy. @Theo1824, I strongly suggest you read J.S. Mill's "On Liberty," which talks about the virtues of rigorous argument and the NECESSITY of hearing opposing viewpoints and objections if we are to find the truth in our own views. What he said was true in the 19th century. And it seems that for at least one person (you), it needs to be true here in the 21st century.

@WCSDancer2010 @CityofAngels Thanks guys! A whole world awaits!

Alright so I got the results of my HerpeSelect Immunoblot back last week, and I am NEGATIVE for both HSV-1 and HSV-2! So I now have the piece of paper with the official laboratory result from an official verified test that says "negative" on it. So when I ask future partners to get tested with me I have the test that says negative and I don't have to have a half-hour conversation about cross-reactivity, false-positives, the virtues of the ELISA vs. the western blot, etc etc. Glad I can put this behind me. Thanks for your help!

Oh and I ordered a new Western Blot kit *just in case* I need to send that out tomorrow *just in case* the Immunoblot---assuming they ordered it right this time---comes back positive.

So yeah, I guess you could say I'm a little worried. Shit, I'm a LOT worried.

Alright, look.... I ordered what I *think* is the HerpeSelect Immunoblot. That was last week. Long story short, even though I very, very clearly told the doctor's office I wanted the "HerpeSelect Immunoblot" the lab, Quest Diagnostics, couldn't find the test in their test catalog, and ordered me a plain old ELISA and IGM. Now, after about a dozen phone calls and me informing the lab that yes, you actually do carry the f*cking test, they said "oh, yeah, we actually do have it." They went ahead and tested me for HSV-1 and HSV-2. Now, I confirmed with Quest Diagnostics three separate times in three separate phone calls that what they had ordered me was the HerpeSelect Immunoblot, and they said yes sir, that is the test we ordered you. I'm still a little worried because the specific test code they gave me for the Immunoblot just isn't showing up in Quest's "Test Search" engine, and I don't know why that is. Something's not right. Why wouldn't the test code that comes directly from Quest Diagnostics show up in Quest Diagnostics' own search engine? All the other tests show up there..... Even though I specifically selected this Immunoblot because I believe it will give me a "negative," and so allow me to avoid the long-winded conversation with partners that I really don't have herpes, I still have this dreadful feeling that it is going to come back positive tomorrow. Even though when I got the Western Blot it had been 15 months since my last *possible* exposure, with a girl who was a virgin and didn't have herpes. What's going on here? What are the chances that they f*cked up *again* and ordered me the *wrong* test *again*? I just want to be sure I'm dotting all the is and crossing all the ts before I call the doctor's office tomorrow for my results. I don't want to get an unexpected positive result, then be on the phone with Quest Diagnostics *again* for a *half-hour* trying to find out if they gave me the *wrong* test *again*.

@WCSDancer2010 I'm saying that since the Western Blot came back with only one protein reactive out of 14- and that was 15 months after my last possible exposure--I'm pretty confident that I'm negative for herpes type 2, no matter what the ELISA says. I've been consistently getting low-positive results on the ELISA, around 2.5--2.99, and that's because the ELISA looks for only ONE HSV protein: gg-2. That is the EXACT SAME PROTEIN that was reactive on the Western Blot, and ONLY that protein. People who are really truly positive for HSV-2 will eventually (six months usually) test positive for all 14 proteins, or at minimum, 12 or 13. So I know I'm negative. But the Immunoblot is a little better test than the ELISA (although NOT better than the Western Blot, of course), because it looks for TWO HSV-2 proteins, not one. Plus, the method it uses (immunobloting), is a more accurate testing method. What I'm saying is that, if the Immunoblot comes back positive, meaning that both of the two proteins it tests for were reactive, I will be a little more worried, but I will still go with my earlier Western Blot results. I will get the Western Blot retaken just to be sure, however, and at 18 months post-(possible)-exposure, whatever it says will be the final word.

In my part of the world it is Wednesday. I would wait until Saturday, and then you can reach out to him with a text or a phone call. Good luck!

Hi Dancer, Yes, the Western Blot is the gold standard, I was just really hoping for a clear-cut negative so that I wouldn't have to have a half-hour conversation with any future partners telling them that yes, I'm really negative, even though it's taking me 20 minutes to justify that claim to you. Like I said in my other posts, it seems in my experience that generally the longer you have to explain something (20 minutes) that should be very clear and simple (I don't have H), the less credible you become. If anything, having to have a conversation about low-positives and false-positives, cross-reactivity with other similar proteins, the drawbacks of the ELISA test over the Western Blot, just makes things seem more fishy and suspicious. So yes, while I know to my complete satisfaction that I am negative, I want HER to feel to HER complete satisfaction that I'm negative. And if I ask us to get tested for STDs, having that piece of paper that says Negative would really go a long way. I specifically chose the HerpeSelect Immunoblot because it WOULD give me a negative. According to the Immunoblot criteria, a test that is positive for the gg-2 protein (like mine are), but NEGATIVE for any other proteins, is considered NEGATIVE. That, unlike the Western Blot, where even 1 lousy protein reactive is enough for an Indeterminate, not a clear-cut negative. So I was excited when I read about the Immunoblot. The doctor's office originally told me they can't order it because their lab (Quest Diagnostics) just doesn't carry the test. I couldn't believe it, so a few phone calls later, I told my doctor's office that Quest DOES carry the Immunoblot, because QUEST OWNS the company that MAKES the immunoblot and ELISA- Focus Diagnostics. SO I did just yesterday find a way to order "my" test. Now I'm waiting for the result. Whatever it says for whatever reason won't change my view that I am negative for HSV-2--because I had the Western Blot done--but it will be so nice *if* I am fortunate enough to have the test come back negative. And it will be ethical too, because I'm not telling my future partners anything that isn't true. All the experts really do believe I'm negative for herpes. So it's not like I'm taking advantage of the different criteria used by the immunoblot in order to manipulate my future partners into a false belief that I'm negative. I AM negative. I just want to give them all the comfort and certainty of believing that, without any long conversation, without any convoluted details about herpes testing and blah blah blah. I should be getting my results either tomorrow or Friday. Wish me luck!