jl13

Thanks! Love this! I am going to look into more of her stuff. Hopefully it can help build some confidence when the time comes to be vulnerable! With situations dealing with H and with ones separate from it. :)

I was visiting my best friend tonight who is home from New York for the week. My best friend is a nun, so I only get to see her about twice a year. I'm not a religious person, so most of the time when she tells me things I need to do or saints I need to pray to, I listen to her and smile and she knows the chances are slim but is happy that I am listening for the time being. Tonight she was talking about this woman who speaks about being vulnerable and how our fear of being vulnerable is killing us. She mentioned it the other night, but I didn't really think anything of it. Tonight, she made me watch a youtube clip of it. And because she is my best friend, I did to make her happy. But I'm glad I did! I haven't listened to everything this woman has to say, only the video clip, but I think a lot of it can be applied to H and when we have to disclose to someone. Our fear and shame of having H is stopping us from being vulnerable, but being vulnerable can lead to happiness. We are just too scared to even try. It is something I am interested in hearing more about, because like I said, I only listened to a little. I am putting the link to the video below. It can be applied to more than just H, but as I was listening, I was thinking about H and how it all applied to me and this situation, so I thought I'd share! http://www.soundstrue.com/store/the-power-of-vulnerability-2917.html

I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time! It seems like the emotional toll that H can have is sometimes worse than the physical symptoms. But please know that you are stronger than you think and you are valued more than you might think and your life is worth living!! Reaching out here shows that you don't WANT to really hurt yourself! I know a lot of people who have been affected from losing loved ones to suicide, and I know you have many many people in your life that would also be affected! It's ok that you are still upset about having H. The stigma sucks, but it's an unfair stigma. Feel free to message me if you ever need to talk, but know that your life is worth so much! And just because you were with someone who didn't treat you how you deserved to be treated doesn't mean you won't find the person who will treat you like you are their world! Hang in there!!

If you take one in the first 4 months of being exposed, you won't have built up enough antibodies in your system to register as positive.

Of course! I know how confusing and frustrating it is! I can only assume who I got it from, but it really is an unfair assumption. I unfortunately didn't know that if I had a blood test within 4 months of being diagnosed, I could have seen if it was new or not. Too late now!

All options are possible! I've learned so much about H since being diagnosed, and it's nothing like I thought it was pre-diagnosis. I only went to get checked out for the first time because my mom freaked me out about having it. I literally told the doctor "My mom thinks it's herpes but I have no idea how I could have gotten it and I think she is ridiculous." Obviously I knew how you get herpes, but to my knowledge no one I slept with had it. But then again, I never asked. And then again, they might not have known. I asked if it was from the last person I slept with and she said not necessarily. I could have had it for years and just not shown symptoms. She also said that she's seen 65 yr old women who have come in and never knew they had it til then. H is tricky. From reading posts, it responds differently in everyone's body. So unfortunately, without testing, it's hard to say who you got it from and when. Frustrating, I know! :-/

@val - very good practice! i'm glad he answered you! he could have just ignored, so that's great! how are you feeling about it?

@sadpanda - No I think it's great that you don't care what they think! I hope to be there one day too. I'm just not yet. I'm not taking valtrex daily, so I don't have to worry about the drug interactions. Hopefully I will get to your confidence level one day! :)

My OB spot is at the top of my butt crack on the inside, which is not covered by condom use. When I was first diagnosed, I asked my gyno if I just avoided contact with that spot, even with no symptoms, would I not spread it? Like is that the only spot I am shedding. She said no and it can be spread it though fluids. So no luck there! So like what fitgirl said, shedding is shedding. Doesn't seem to matter where our OB spot is!

@val - It def makes us slow things down! Which is like you said, an annoying blessing! I was seeing a guy (the first after being diagnosed) and it had been a few weeks, so I got a prescription for valtrex and did a ton of research so when I felt comfortable I could disclose to him and tell him I had all the bases covered and what not. There were a few times I could have slept with him, but I said I wasn't ready just yet, when really I just wasn't ready to tell him bc I didn't know how he would react and if he were dating only me. Things started to fade and turns out he met someone else and decided not to tell me and to just fade out without explanation. I found out he was dating someone else when they showed up at the same bar as me on New Years Eve. Awesome. So if I didn't have H and had slept with him, he would have stopped talking to me for her anyways. So while I liked him and wanted to sleep with him, I'm glad I didn't bc it would have sucked a whole lot more had I slept with him! I think your follow up will ease your mind! So keep us posted on how it goes! :)

First of all, congrats on your first disclosure, even if you are still nervous about it. It's a big deal to us, and it's ok that you made it a big deal, because it is! You are trusting this guy that you like with sensitive information. So it's ok that you were nervous and scared and that's nothing you should apologize for. As a girl who also overanalyzes everything, I understand you wanting to message him. My general opinion is if it will make you feel better to lay everything out on the line and know that you said what you wanted to say to him, then do it. If it gives you peace of mind then do it! BUT go through all the possible outcomes in your head and make sure you are ok with them. Best possible outcome is that he will say he just needed some time to think and would love to see you again. Another outcome is saying you are great but he doesn't think he wants to take the risk. Another outcome is just ignoring your message all together. I have had a lot of experience with the guy just not writing back for no apparent reason and it sucks every single time. The no response is the worst because then you are left thinking what happened and what did I do wrong. In this case, you might blame your diagnosis. But don't. If he doesn't want to be with you because you have HSV, then eventually he would have faded into the background anyways. Even the nice guys don't feel the need to provide the explanation that we sometimes need and while it doesn't tear them up, it tears us up. So in general, if you think that it will make you feel better by messaging him, go for it. But if it doesn't work out, then as much as he seems worth it, he's not. You will find someone that is worth it. I know it seems impossible at times. I go through the my life is over, and I will never find anyone meltdowns in my head. I'm only a little less than a year into being officially diagnosed. I cope with it a little better now, but when it comes to dating, it still stresses me out. But it stressed me out before!! Good luck! Hopefully it works out!

Yeah I didn't think they needed to know either, because it would be pretty concerning if the dentist was going anywhere near that area! I only switched it to yes because it specifically asked - they had a line for genital herpes and one for herpes, which I understand them needing to know about oral herpes - but I debated not checking it off. That makes me feel better that I don't need to disclose it on all medical forms, especially bc I don't take antivirals daily. Only once in a month or so if I feel tingling. Thanks!

I went to the dentist today, and they asked me to update my medical history. In the section where it asks about conditions you've had or have, genital herpes was one of them. I checked it off as yes, but does the dentist REALLY need to know?? Or the eye doctor?! I get telling your regular physician and Gyno, but do other doctors need to know? I'm sure the answer is yes, but it took everything in me not to burst into tears as I handed back my medical history form. Thoughts?

Ok, thanks! I definitely would not take possibly shedding less as a safety precaution. I would never want to know I passed it to someone, so I would always make sure to be on suppressives and use protection and disclose so they can make the judgement of taking the risk or not. I didn't get the option of taking the risk, so I'm not doing the same to someone else. I think the main good thing about knowing is that I can help prevent giving it to someone else, so I want to educate myself as much as possible. Thanks again!

@WCSDancer2010 I had the initial outbreak, just none since then(about 10 months). I only like to pretend I don't have it :) Makes things easier sometimes. If I don't have outbreaks as often, does it mean I shed less? It would be good info to know when disclosing to someone. Does my body just do a good job of suppressing the virus? I don't take the suppressives. Only when I think I might be getting an OB, but that's only for a night or 2 every once in a while. Just would be good to know. I tell my friends that know all the time that I wish there was a way to test when you were shedding. Like an over the counter swab test. That would make things easier sometimes!

I didn't have a blood test done. I still had the lesions when I saw the gyno, so I guess she tested a sample from there. I do want to go get the blood test done. What do the values tell me?

I think you need to decide what YOU want from him and the relationship. Do you honestly want to get back together with him or do you just like the attention (I'm guilty of just liking the attention sometimes!). If you love him and you want to be with him, then tell him. Like you said, if he truly loves you, it won't matter. You are still you. You are still the funny, beautiful person that he fell in love with. The best thing to do is to figure out if you want to be back with him. Forget the attention, forget what he wants, forget everything else besides what you want. If he is what you want, then read up on the information so you can answer his questions. Having the disclosure papers are good too, but personally I think it's better when you can tell him yourself and use the papers as a backup/support. Disclosing is definitely scary, especially when you are risking something you want. I haven't had to disclose to anyone I was starting a relationship with (only to someone who was a friend with benefits and he didn't care), so I can't give you any insight on how to do it. But if he's the right guy for you, he will still want to be with you. If he isn't, then see ya! He wasn't worth it. And you will find the one that is worth it! Good luck! :)

I definitely overanalyze every little itch or tingle. It drives me nuts. I am not complaining that I'm not getting OB's, but every time I feel something, I freak out and think I am having an OB and then don't get physical symptoms. Because of what I've been reading, it's been messing with my head, so I wanted to make sure it was normal. I'm a teacher, so I'm stressed the majority of the time. My first OB came in the beginning of the school year, which is a very high stress time, so I assumed with the amount of stress I have during the year, I would have had more OB's. I know people can get very few OB's or none after their first, but what I've read makes it seem like that's the smaller percentage, whereas 2Legit2Quit is saying the opposite, so that's good to know. I'm still learning over here! :) LittleStar - I've also considered that I've had it for a while and didn't know. I've had tingling or discomfort there before, but my OB spot is at the top of my butt where my thong rubs (sorry if that's tmi), so I just have always associated it with that. Who knows! 2Legit2Quit - It's crazy to me how each person's body can react so differently to it. I definitely take each tingle or itch as I am shedding. I wish there was an easier way to tell when you are shedding, but I guess that's what makes this so tricky. Thanks for the insight! I want to know as much as I can about HSV for future potential questions I might get.

I found out I have HSV 2 about 10 months ago. It was such a small spot that I wasn't even going to get it checked out, because I didn't know who could have possibly given me an STD, but I'm glad I did for the sake of knowing. I can say sometimes I wish I didn't know I had it, but then I think that I can at least prevent or reduce giving it to someone else by knowing. I, of course, was devastated when I found out I had it and thought my life was over. I'm 29 and everyone and their mother is getting married and having kids and here I am with HSV. Who would want me now? Since finding out I have it, I've been doing as much research as I can. I even found out that one of my sister's friends found out she has it around the same time I did, so talking to her has been a HUGE help. While I still go through my rough patches, I know I can't change the fact that I have HSV 2, so I need to make the best of it and not worry about it as often. I also know it doesn't change who I am as a person. It's very hard when there is such a stigma related and I seem to pick up on EVERY HSV joke now in the media (there are A LOT!). I've also told some of my closest friends, and they have been a great support system too. Through my research, I read that someone typically has 4-6 outbreak in their first year of having HSV. I have only had the very first outbreak (achy, swollen lymph nodes, outbreak spot) and it's been 10 months. Is this normal? I have a prescription of valtrex on hand but do not take it daily. I only take it if I feel itching or tingling. In the unlucky lottery of getting HSV 2, am I just "lucky" to not have had more? Sometimes I like to think that the doctor was wrong, and I don't really have it :) , but that's wishful thinking! I still had the outbreak present, so they were able to test it. If I don't break out as often, does that mean I don't shed the virus as often? I do get itching or tingling every once in a while and think I am getting an outbreak but never do. I guess I just want to know if that's normal not to get outbreaks and if it means I am not shedding as often. Thanks! :)