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@Katidid I'm trying my best. Its a very important time in my life right now, I'm newly engaged and planning our wedding for next June. I don't always cope well, I have some very dark days still. I have HSV1 and I have no idea when I contracted it. My IgG was positive less than a month after I had symptoms, so I had the virus for at least a period of months. I've been with my fiance for two years. So I either contracted it before him, or he is an unknowing carrier of the virus. He hasn't been tested yet, the plan is to get him tested at some point, hopefully soon.

@Answersneededplz thank you, I'm definitely hoping that reaching out to a therapist will be helpful! I've never been to one and don't know what to expect, but I'm excited and hopeful that it will be helpful for me. A positive way to look at your situation is that you got to live a totally normal life for 15 whole years without the virus having any impact on you! Once you get through this rough patch, maybe you can get another 15 years or longer (or forever!) before it has any impact :) It is crazy how this does mess with your head. I hate not being sure of what I'm feeling or whats going on in my own body, and that has been one of the hardest aspects for me to deal with. I totally agree, I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but having someone who truly does understand what its like is nice! I have no doubt we will both be fine :)

Hi @AMC929 and welcome! You're in the right place. I know the shock of the diagnosis. I was diagnosed with gHSV1 3 weeks ago today. I'm 26. All of the emotions that you're feeling are normal. You are not gross. The vast majority of the population has one strain or another of HSV. Most don't talk about it because they have no idea, since the majority of the people who carry it have no symptoms or symptoms so mild that they are not recognized at what they are. For coping with the physical pain, some of the things I did during my outbreak and some things I read about others doing are: 1. Epsom salt baths. They can be soothing and help dry the open areas out some via the salt 2. Anytime you shower or bathe, use a blow drier on the cool setting to help really dry things and help the open areas heal quicker 3. Avoid putting much on the open areas as they need to dry out. Some people have recommendations for things you can put on them, but I wouldn't have them be wet throughout the day (whether it be ointment or oil - I've heard of people using coconut oil, tea tree oil) 4. Loose bottoms and cotton or no underwear. I lived in skirts and dresses while my open areas were healing 5. When you wipe, try to blot. Same for if you do towel dry, gently blot the area 6. If it hurts to urinate try pouring some lukewarm water over the area while you're urinating. This can help dilute the urine Hopefully others will chime in with helpful tips as well. Did they put you on an antiviral? Some say that this helps their outbreaks heal quicker. When you're feeling up to it, browse the forums. Browse the success and veterans categories. They're helpful in seeing that you CAN have a normal life. Also, explore some of the vidoes that are on here. And I can't recommend enough: google Ella Dawson. She is amazing. She has been a huge part in helping me cope with my diagnosis. I have good days but I also have bad days. And that's okay. If you haven't told anyone, please do if you're comfortable doing so, someone that you trust. Having someone to talk to is so important. This forum is great and people are always here that can talk to you and help you, but face to face communication is very helpful in its own way. And please, don't hesitate to reach out if you ever need to talk. We're the same age and I'm newly diagnosed so I do know what you're going through!

Hi there, You were tested in November 2016, but were you with anyone within about a four month period up until November? Because it can take up to 16 weeks for the antibodies to be detected in your blood. Meaning that you could have been exposed to it prior to November. Also, do you know for sure that you were tested for HSV? Its not included in the vast majority of STD tests unless you specifically ask for it. Your girlfriend sounds like she has a realistic head on her shoulders! As for guilt of transmitting, if she has HSV1 she should hopefully have some knowledge of how these viruses transmit and the small risk involved. From what I've read, once a virus settles in one place on your body, it isn't likely to start popping up in another. That being said, it isn't impossible, just less likely. There is no way to know if you do have the virus hanging out in another area unless you have an outbreak, which is frustrating. If people ask whats wrong with your finger just tell them you have a skin condition you're seeing a dermatologist for. There's no reason that they need to know whats going on, unless you want them to know. But it's nothing to be ashamed of! When someone gets a cold sore, no one even blinks an eye at it. But cold sores are herpes. I know its easier said than done to not be ashamed, I'm still coming to terms with that myself. This forum is awesome, browse the old posts and read the success stories. They are inspiring and can definitely boost your mental health if you're in a tough spot. Most all of us have been there and some of us are still there

@Answersneededplz thank you so much! I appreciate your reply and please know that I'm always here to talk if you need to as well :) It has been a roller coaster to say the least. I have days where I feel almost like my normal self and really feel like "okay, I can do this" and then I have days where I want to crawl under a rock and cry and never come out. I did reach out to the employee assistance program at my work as they offer a program where I can be matched with a therapist or counselor for up to 6 free sessions. While my work provides it, its through a separate company so its totally confidential. I heard from my care manager today that they are working on matching me with a therapist and that I should hear by the latest on Monday. I think that talking to someone in person aside from my fiance will help me. I have some friends that I know would be supportive, but right now I don't want to tell them. I'm not ready for that. I'm hoping that with time I can get back to a normal and happy life

@endlessworrier that's great news! I'm glad that you're going to get the help that you need :) also, if you don't like this doc or what they have to say, don't give up. I drove 3 hours or so to see the first specialist I saw. I saw him twice and did not care for him at all. I actually left his office in tears the second time and vowed never to go back. I found out about one an hour away from me via a support group for vulvar pain disorders (which I can refer you to if you're diagnosed with a condition and would like more support for that) and I absolutely love her. I see her at least annually to this day. I'm seeing her August 9th and can't wait. And thank you, that really means a lot to me! I've been trying to be helpful to others, even when my mental state is at its darkest, as it has been on random days. It can be discouraging to post and not get any input yet see that your post is being viewed. So if I have something to offer, even just support and to tell them they're not alone, I try to comment

12-16 weeks post exposure is when the majority of people are going to have antibodies detectable in their blood. The HSV1 test result is pretty solid positive. This only means that she was exposed to that strain of the virus like the vast majority of the population. The tricky part is that HSV1 can be present in either location - oral or genital - and this can't be told from the blood test unfortunately. The only way to know is if symptoms ever occur and then having a swab performed. Her HSV2 result is positive but on the lowish side of positive. From what I've read with < 3.5 there is a chance for a false positive. If she has any questions about that, she can always wait and have that redone. The western blot test is also an option, this test is what those who want confirmation of their results have done. Its only performed in one lab and thus it can be a little more difficult than normal lab work and cost some money out of pocket. Look up Westover Heights clinic in Washington State, they have more info on how to have this test performed

Hi @dancingqueen, I am recently diagnosed as well (tomorrow makes 3 weeks). I'm glad that you have a great support system, that is super important right now! I'm currently having many ups and downs dealing with the emotional side of things. The more support you have, the more it will help. Epsom salt baths helped me during my outbreak. Blow drying any time that you bathe or shower can help keep the area dry to help the sores heal. When you use the bathroom try to blot dry instead of wiping. If you look through past posts or even search up at the top, you can probably find tons of recommendations from people who have more experience. Did they start you on an antiviral? Some say that helps their open areas heal faster. Take some comfort in that the first outbreak is *usually* the worst. I know that I don't have much helpful advice, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this!

@HikingGirl Thank you. I definitely see this as a period of grieving, for so many things. Its amazing how one day I can be like "okay, this isn't so bad, I can live with it" and then the next I'm in tears wanting to crawl under a rock for the rest of my life. I called and spoke with a counselor from the employee assistance program offered through my job. This program assigns you a care coordinator who then sets you up with a counselor/therapist in the area where you can get up to 6 free sessions in any given year, totally paid for by my employer. Which I think is pretty awesome. I got a counselor on the phone tonight as it was after normal business hours (you can talk to them too, but I want the face to face interaction, I NEED to talk to someone in person aside from my fiance and medical professionals). I requested to have help setting up time with a local therapist. When she asked what was going on and said that details would help set me up with the most fitting therapist, I was so scared to say the "H" word out loud. It doesn't really bother me to hear other people say it (as long as it isn't being used in a joke) and I've said it to my fiance and the midwife who diagnosed me, but I was terrified to say it to a stranger. I was already crying but I really started bawling just saying "I was diagnosed with genital herpes". I think it was slightly cathartic. I'm really hoping that these sessions are helpful for me. I would love to get my life back on track and get back to enjoying it. My common theme in the crying I've done the past two days has been "I just want my life back". Right now I'm watching some of Adrial's videos, first up is the interview with Ella Dawson. Reading her writing and hearing her speak soothes me in a way. I wish I could own this like she does! Thank you again, for being the sole individual to reach out to me at such a low point <3

Hi all, I am mentally having a rough night. I just need some reassurance and support. I feel like I'm no longer the happy carefree person I was before my diagnosis. I try hard, I really do. And some days are better than others. I can't help but see myself differently whenever I think of what I have to deal with for the rest of my life now. The constant worrying about whether I'll have an outbreak or what will trigger one. Or if this feeling means the virus is active or an outbreak is coming or is it just a random feeling. I want to just live and be happy and not have to think about any of this. I know that the virus is super common and my mind is blowing it out of proportion. I'm just having a rough night and kind words of encouragement and support would be much appreciated Thanks in advance

I second the above! As someone who has dealt with vulvar pain issues, in which the main symptoms were itching/irritation/burning, I can attest that not all symptoms are related to herpes. Which is good news :) try googling vulvar pain disorders and vulvar skin disorders. These are conditions that the vast majority of the population knows nothing about, until it happens to them. I was in that population when it happened to me 8 years ago

Hi @youngh, and welcome! I am so sorry that you're in this situation. Finding out that you have herpes is never something that someone *wants* to go through. I found out that I had it a month and a half after getting engaged to the love of my life, and was so shocked and confused as to HOW I could have it as we've been together for two years and I've never had a sign or symptom! Then I started doing research and found out that the *majority* of people with the virus don't show any symptoms at all or symptoms so mild they're assumed to be something else. Thankfully my fiance has been supportive but I still struggle daily to accept the diagnosis. Some days more than others. He has never had a cold sore and hasn't been tested yet (its hard to get men to go to the doctor :)) so I'm not sure if it came from him or a past relationship. I would try to push for the results of the swab. There are two strains: HSV1 and HSV2. Both cause the same symptoms but there are some differences in shedding rates and outbreak frequency *typically*, but this is different for every person. Your partner could have had type 1 genitally as well although that strain transmits genital to genital less than type 2. I have type 1 per the swab and confirmed with a blood test. It made me wish I had gotten cold sores when I was younger like the vast majority of the population as this provides *some* protection from contracting the same type in another region. But, I did not, and thus here I am. If your doctor truly won't give you the results, seek out blood testing at Planned Parenthood, they can do a type specific blood test. This support forum is fantastic! I've scoured the old posts for hours at a time and have posted myself. I'm very new to this diagnosis but I'm trying to also use my knowledge of the virus, from researching like crazy and being in the medical field, to help others and use my limited personal experience to chime in as well. The link that @HikingGirl provided is phenomenal in showing just how many people carry the viruses! It's insane how common they are, and people just don't know. One reason is that every one refers to oral herpes as "just a cold sore". Most don't realize that it can be transmitted to the genitals or that it is herpes at all! I knew that it could be transmitted to the genitals, yet I *did not know* that it could be transmitted even in the absence of cold sores, I thought that they would have to have a sore to transmit it. And I'm a nurse! It goes to show that there is not enough education on these viruses to the general public and even medical professionals. Here's a statistic that helps me when I'm down: according to WHO *2/3* of the worlds population carries HSV1, the type I have. TWO THIRDS!! Insane. You may also like Ella Dawson, google her name and find her blog. She is an amazing young woman who contracted genital herpes from having *only* protected sex who has come out to the world about it to help decrease stigma. I think I've read almost every entry on her blog. Her words helped me tremendously. You *can* and *will* get through this! And lead a perfectly normal life! Read some of the posts in the veterans and success story categories and you'll see that many people do :)

Some people who want to take them more than others are those who have more frequent outbreaks and those with an H- partner who want to reduce chance of transmission. Some people I think also just want/need to take them for some peace of mind! Which I think is fine too. I had one outbreak and went on them, more for peace of mind than anything. It all comes down to personal preference :) As for forgetting your daily pill as mentioned in the post above, I have an alarm on my phone for my birth control daily so that I take it at a consistent time. I started taking the valtrex at the same time so that I am consistent in timing and don't forget!

Suppressive therapy doesn't interfere with your body's ability to fight the virus at all. The antivirals just reduce the replication of the virus, therein helping to reduce the number of outbreaks and reduce shedding. Your body is still busy producing antibodies to help fight off the virus on its own. I have read that *sometimes* when one comes off of antivirals they can experience an outbreak, but that it does not mean that you will *continue* with outbreaks. One of the moderators on here, @WCSDancer2010, has mentioned in previous posts that it is best to wean down off of the antivirals instead of stopping "cold turkey" to try to prevent an outbreak while coming off of them. So you would cut down the dose gradually prior to fulling stopping the medication. If I ever come off of them this is what I plan to do. Antivirals have been proven to be very safe to take long term, so if safety is a concern I wouldn't worry about that. They also greatly reduce shedding of the virus and thus keep the risk of transmission lower with any partners you may have that are H- As for triggers, do the outbreak correlate at all to your menstrual cycle? That was one of my thoughts when you said since January you've had 5-6, that's almost one per month. Some women find that this happens to them and regulating hormones can be of help

@Neewbiehsv1g it does shed less frequently than HSV2, but it still sheds!

@Neewbiehsvg1 thanks for your reply and story and I'm glad you're going to see a specialist! The specialist I see is awesome - she specializes in vulvar pain and chronic vaginitis issues. I'm really hoping she'll have some knowledge on HSV as well and how that can impact things. She's getting older and so she goes on these hiatuses from work for months at a time, she is out until the end of July and that's why I haven't been in to see her up until now. I plan to ask if she has a recommendation of WHO I can see with similar expertise for when she takes another hiatus from work. I have the intermittent itching and irritation and strange hypersensitivity to my clitoris on the right side. All so weird but can all be related to nerve issues I would think. And since this virus impacts nerves cells, it makes sense it could set this all off. I like sex too! And would love to get back to being intimate with my fiancé. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in dealing with both issues!

@Neewbiehsv1g what is the SASS serum you mentioned? I had an outbreak in the beginning of June and have since healed the opens areas in the perineal/perirectal area but get random itching and burning both close to that site but the opposite side and in my vulvar area that I'm convinced were triggered by the outbreak. I'm usually very careful about my pH balance as I had to delve into that about 7 years ago when I developed what I thought was a never ending yeast infection, which turned out to be vestibulodynia, diagnosed after a ton of doctors and over a year later. Im familiar with boric acid and probably too many other suggested natural remedies and I tried them all back then when I thought it was yeast. Since, I'm very conscious of trying not to set my pH off as yeast infections can cause prolonged pain/itching with my condition. I had been pain and itch free for a long while until this reared its ugly head. I do get to see my specialist for my condition in about a month and hope she can help me with this left over irritation I'm experiencing if it is still there by then

I've considered an infectious disease doctor, mainly only because I know one from the hospital I work in. But I have come to the conclusion that I will only see one if I can't adequately treat/control it with the help of a gyn first. For men, I would think a clinic (like planned parenthood) or your primary doctor could help with medications. Go to your primary armed with what you'd like prescribed though, in case they aren't the most knowledgeable about the treatments

Thanks for replying! I'm sorry that weaning off of the valtrex didn't work for you. I have read that sometimes going off can trigger an outbreak but that it doesn't mean they will continue, that it could be a response just to coming off of it initially. Either way, if valtrex is safe and helps I say why not take it! Prior to ever having an outbreak (I've had the virus for an unknown amount of time as my IgG was positive), I was on ortho tri cyclen lo which is a triphasic pill meaning the hormone levels are different each week. I developed an ovarian cyst in the beginning of May and was changed to a monophasic pill, ortho cyclen, with hormone concentrations that stay the same all month until period week and was told only take 4 of the inactive pills before starting a new pack so that your natural hormones don't start kicking back in. All in an effort to prevent this cyst from growing or developing anymore of them. Well, after the first month of doing this I start my period and a couple days later have an outbreak. It could be coincidence but I don't feel like it is. I was on valtrex for my last period and didn't have an outbreak so we'll see what this month brings. I am still on valtrex but the suppressive dose now. I'll be talking to a specialist I see for other issues about her thought on the birth control hormones and what I should do. Again, thanks for replying and sharing your experience! Hopefully the increased valtrex calms this outbreak down and you remain outbreak free for a very long time, or forever :)

Which birth control did you start on if you don't mind me asking? I'm on the pill but I got my first outbreak after the first pack of the one I'm on and have wondered if that played a role. Thanks!

Also, if it hurts when you urinate try pouring warm water over your area while you pee. This helps dilute the urine so it doesn't burn so much

Hi there, First I want to say that I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Have you been tested? So that you can know which strain of the virus you are dealing with? Typically the first outbreak is the worst, so you can take some comfort in that. You usually read that people have a bad first outbreak and then get another some time later and go "that's it??". Your body is mounting an immune response and building antibodies to fight the virus. It has none when its infected and that's why the first outbreak is typically the worst. From what I've read and personal experience, the open areas need to be able to dry to crust over and heal. Applying the cream, spray, and oil mixture so frequently may not be allowing the areas to dry out and heal. If the acyclovir doesn't work for you, you could try valtrex. Famvir is a third antiviral but from what I've read not one that they typically use for the first outbreak for some reason (I don't remember why). The pain can be soothed some with taking epsom salt baths. When you get out of the bath or shower, use a blow dryer on the cool setting to gently dry the areas instead of using a towel. This will make sure that they get thoroughly dried and not irritated from being wiped with a towel. If you do use a towel, or when you wipe after the bathroom, try to blot dry. Hopefully some others who have been dealing with the virus longer than I have will also chime in with helpful suggestions!

@HikingGirl I certainly will give him a big hug :) I was shocked at how accepting he was from the start before I even knew for sure. One thing he said to me during one of my break downs was "You may never have an outbreak again; or you could have one, or three, or have one every month. We will figure it out". Just goes to show there are certainly people out there who will look past it and don't see it as a big deal! I'm a nurse so its easy for me to think logically about medical conditions under normal circumstances. When its in reference to someone else, say a patient, I'm all facts and logic with a sprinkle of emotion in the form of empathy or sympathy. It is totally different when *you* are the one it is happening to and its easy to focus solely on emotion instead of facts. I think my empathy for others will only increase after this experience.

It's hard to say what triggers the virus to become active. Have you been more stressed lately? Maybe going on suppressive antivrials, even if not permanently but for a period of time, would help to reduce or stop the frequent outbreaks

If you would like, retype your questions! Everyone here would love to help :) I'm new to this world as well and also have genital HSV1 (I'm assuming that's the type you have from the scenario you gave of getting it from oral sex)