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cryingontheinside

confused, depressed, and lost. need a friend

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I am a newley 20 year old college student. As you can see from my display name, I'm not taking this news well. What makes it worse is, I'm still trying to pin point who I got this from. Not because I've had multiple sexual partners, but because my past 3 recent partners made it seem as if, everything was okay butt I can't blame anyone for not knowing. I recently told two friends who are extrememly supportive but I really want a friend who can relate so if you're in your 20s, female, and a college sttudent, please contact me, I need someone who can relate in my life.

 

It's really hard trying to cope and acceot this, I can't help but think this was a mistake in the labs or maybe a cure will happen. I can't go through a day without crying or contemplating suicide. I know this is something not worth losing my life for, trust me, I've had thoughts like this in the past and never went through but not being able to feel like my old self again is so hard. I have HSV1, I'm not sure which but I think genital, I plan to go back to the lab for more questions.

 

Will i ever find love? how can i watch relationships on TV without feeling inadequate. I've never been in a relationship so this diagnosis only makes matters worse. I'm young and I can't even really experince or live my life I feel. 

 

Does anyone have any advice about moving forward or any coping mechanism?

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Hi @cryingontheinside I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm a 25yr Female and I just found out a like 2 months ago that I got it. I'm feeling the same way you do. I can't watch movies or shows with couples in it that are in love without crying. I've only told my mom and one of my cousins. It sucks. I have the suicidal thoughts too and I know I won't go through with it but it sucks to even consider something like that. I know who gave it to me too and I feel like he knew even though he says he didn't. Men suck! I miss who I used to be and I feel like I'll never get out of this funk. I'm also fairly religious so it makes me feel even worse because I had been celibate for years and then this happens. I feel like God is punishing me. 

 

I've also researched getting the infected area cut out to not become contagious...turns out you can't. 😞 

 

So you're not alone, and it does suck. It's also nearly impossible to track where it comes from because unless you do a viral culture test you can still get false positives & false negatives because of how difficult the virus is to track. Most people don't even know they have it, I think like 80% don't know. Take the time to find yourself and love yourself. I know it's easier said then done and I'm trying to do the same. I force my self to go out and not isolate myself. But there are so many people out there that have it so you really aren't alone, plus you can take medicine to reduce chances of spreading it by 50%

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@cryingontheinside Honestly, I'm not coping to well, but I'm trying. I just joined this forum a few minutes ago and it's been helping. I was balling my eyes out last night to my mom about "what if it spreads, what if I pass it to my future kids/husband, what if I can't kiss my children..." I was supposed to meet up with a friend to go out and was about to cancel. I just forced myself to go out (wore plenty of make-up to hide the swollen eyes)...That definitely helped with my confidence. But I've just been concentrating on my work, playing mind games (solitary, word search, sudoku) anything to take my mind off of it. But it's been hard, I recommend reading some of the other women who have posted, especially the ones that have had it for a while and say how they met guys and etc. Also, I read guys forums to because they're are plenty that feel the same way we do and for some reason it makes me feel better. 

Also I've been doing thing's that I normally wouldn't ever do. Like I went riding a sea due and went as fast I could and it felt good to be alive, and reminded me that I can do anything I want. The virus doesn't stop you from having fun, the only think that stops you is you.

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@missanonymousWow, I hope things get better, my friend convinced me to try therapy. I'm gonna throw myself into my new job and my school. As well as try working out more and finish some of these books! And hopefully one day we'll be able to have a family and kiss our children. 

 

I love that last part, it really helped me get through my day! 

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@cryingontheinside Yeah it does get better. I was reading on the success thread about people that have normal and happy lives and it definitely helps to know. It's good to be able to talk to someone else that is going through the same thing. 

 

I think this is a turning point in life that gives you a chance to realize how much power you have over your own happiness.

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@cryingontheinside know that you are not alone! Im a 38 year old female and gave birth to a healthy baby. Had my first OB Last week and was in shock that it was herpes. Believe me, I’m still on a emotional roller coaster but with the help of forums like this and taking it one day at a time, we can get through it. I know we are not alone. Msg me anytime. 

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