Today is the big day :/ (The herpes talk)

[Lost1234]

Today is the day I have chosen to tell my boyfriend about herpes. I was diagnosed 4 days ago with hsv1 and I feel this is something that can not wait. I feel like the sooner the better. But I am terrified. I have so many mixed emotions. I read all the good stories on here about people disclosing and I think well maybe there is hope. But then I read the bad ones and for some reason those stick a lot harder.

 

This man is the love of my life. The absolute best man I have ever and probably will ever meet. He loves me for me and thus far has not judged me on anything. He is the most supportive understanding person I know. But this is a whole new ball game. This is different than anything else. Does he really love me as much as he says he does? Is our love strong enough to make it through this? Will today be the last time I ever see him? Will he hate me? Will he think I did something wrong? Will he be angry? Understanding? Supportive? Open minded? Or will he just get upset and leave? All of these things and so much more have been going through my mind since I found out Wednesday. I am so nervous, scared, and full of anxiety.

 

What gets me is I was tested for EVERYTHING in July by my ob/gyn (blood tested) and EVERYTHING came back clear. She tells me I got it from him. Which only makes since because we have been together for over 2 years. But will he understand that?! Will he be patient and understanding, and realistic about this? I am not mad at him if I in fact did get it from him. I just want him to continue to love me unconditionally like he does now. The whole thing in General is just a "skin condition". I am not worried about having it. I am worried about losing him. The man I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with.

 

Ugh I am so tired of feeling like this. I want it to go away. I want it to stop. I just wanna feel like myself again. He can tell I have been "off" since Wednesday but he does not know why. Hopefully he will understand.

 

Any advice?

[mr_hopp]

Remember everything from the e-book — http://eepurl.com/b4IPP — that will have you focus on your relationship with him, not the herpes. The herpes is just the catalyst for you to flex your integrity muscle and have a difficult conversation that shows your deeper integrity and strength and courage and honesty and trustability and (need I go on?) :) You are doing a courageous thing in having the talk with him so soon after finding out yourself. You clearly have a supportive and loving relationship with this man, so let him prove to you that he is supportive and loving in how he relates to the talk with you.

 

Ultimately, know that there is nothing wrong with you; be kind to yourself as you let him know about herpes. It doesn't help you AT ALL to entertain the possibility of him hating you, him throwing things at you, or him even calling you a big poopyhead (*gasp!*). :) Focus on the AWESOME aspects of your relationship and how he has treated you thus far. It all sounds amazing to me. And as far as context for your own sake for this conversation, you just found something out surprising that he needs to know. And you're letting him know it. That's all. You can't control the conversation, but you can continue to be your own caring self.

[Lost1234]

I just know that I am going to be in tears. As I sit here thinking about it all I can do is cry. Trying to find the words. Letting the anticipation build. It's killing me. Adrial I love this man more than I have ever loved anyone and it is going to absolutely kill me to have this talk. But regardless of how I feel this is a need to know thing. But it is just so hard :'( I don't know how to handle it. It's just too much.

[mr_hopp]

Do you see how you're still focusing on the possibility of LOSING him as opposed to actually focusing on all the amazing things about your relationship that's even having you disclose to him in the first place? All of those amazing things you told us about him and your relationship? Putting all this pressure on yourself won't help. The talk isn't killing you; YOU'RE killing you. :) Relax out of all these worst case scenarios and just have the talk with him. You don't have to spin yourself out about this. I love that you love this man. That warms my heart and if that is true, then let yourself be so in love with him when you have the talk that the herpes topic just washes away into your love for him. That is WAY more powerful than any little virus.

 

Instead of fantasizing about the worst case scenario, let's fantasize about the best! How do you truly see him being with you during this talk? How do you see him receiving you? Based on every awesome quality you know him to have, how will all of those translate into how this conversation will go for the BEST? That is a way better use of your mental resources today. :)

 

You got this. I'm proud of you.

[hope75]

Good luck lost1234, I hope it goes well, I'm sure you will feel relived once you've disclosed. x

[Lost1234]

I want to thank every one of you for you advise and support. Today I feel a very big weight lifted off of my shoulders. I opened up to the love of my life. Made myself as vulnerable as it gets. I was a mess he has noticed a difference these last few days with me. And I never would tell him until he was here face to face. He walked in the door with a dozen long stem red roses. (Which made me want to cry) And I gave him the biggest hug I think I've ever given anyone. He continued to ask me what was wrong over the next couple of hours. Until I finally broke down in tears. He asked me to talk to him and I just cried more and told him I was not ready. Not yet. Well he kept pushing. And telling me to open up and talk. That he was worried about me. And I proceeded to tell him. His reaction was in fact unexpected. Opposite of what I expected actually. He talked about it as he paced the room. He said he was not mad. He actually knew more about it than me. He said his best friend has the same thing so he has researched it with him in the past.

 

He told me this was not a big deal. Held me telling me to stop crying. Told me this changes nothing. This does not make him love me less. This does not make him look at me any differently. He said he was going to get tested. He said he had cold sores/fever blisters on his mouth as a kid when he got sick but has not had them as an adult. He said no matter the results he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.

 

I really do believe I have found a keeper! He truly is an amazing man. I feel so blessed. Relieved. And finally at ease for the first time in days.

 

Thank you guys for everything. I hope this helps someone else with "the talk". This shows there are people out there that will love you for you. No matter what. :)

 

Truly blessed.

[mr_hopp]

Ahem ... Told you so. ;) And congratulations.

[Lost1234]

I can't thank you enough! I am so unbelievably relieved!

[dancingintherain]

Hello Lost :) Congratulations. I'm proud of you for being so brave. He really does sound like a keeper. All the best for your future together x

[duppystrangler]

This is awesome! thanks for sharing!

[SheWillBLoved]

wow! hope one day my day will come! congrats :)

[hope75]

:-) :-) :-)