Just found out I have herpes...

[Dragalien]

I just found out I have herpes on Wednesday. Testing is being done to figure out which strain, and my boyfriend is getting himself tested to see if he also has it. I cannot help feeling dirty and on an extreme emotional roller coaster. There are moments where I am incredibly positive, as I have been scouring your site all of thursday (and it has been so helpful!), and then I am crying my eyes out and trying to figure out what I am going to do. I suspect this is pretty normal, lol.

 

I am 22, and working on my bachelors in Wildlife Management. I feel stressed and uneasy, and have been trying to plan my future around this. I am trying to keep it in my head that this is a just a rash with a bad stigma, but it is so hard.

 

I guess I am lucky to have a boyfriend who is supportive, who is willing to stick with me through this even if his test comes back negative. I'm absolutely terrified he's going to leave though, positive or negative, and that I will be alone. He and I haven't told anyone about this, and don't plan on it. My mother is a nurse, but has always accused me of being pregnant or having a STD when I would feel nauseous for one morning or find a bump bellow the belt. My father would probably murder my boyfriend on the spot, even if it wasn't him that I caught it from. His family wouldn't take it well either...

 

I'm sorry if this is just rambling, but I am still very lost, very confused, incredibly scared, and in extreme shock. It's so nice to be able to talk to people on a forum, read all of your positive and insightful posts on everyone's discussions, it really lifts a huge weight off of my shoulders knowing I have a big group to talk to, not just my boyfriend and my physician.

[mr_hopp]

I hear your fear and your pain! Hurts my heart to feel all of that with you as I read what you wrote. And everything you're saying that you feel is SO common (unfortunately!). Just because it's common doesn't mean you have to feel all of it in order to heal, but it does tend to happen in the healing process.

 

I'm so, so glad you're reaching out and getting support from all of us. Because what's available in support is knowing you're not alone and that there are SO MANY examples here of people who have not just "made it past herpes" or "put up with having herpes and still lived a pretty okay/so-so life" but actually have gotten MUCH BETTER lives after herpes than before! And because of all of your worst fears, your future may SEEM bleak right now. But that's just your imagination doing a damn good job of projecting fantasy land on the movie screen of your mind. The TRUTH is (and always has been) that you can create whatever life you want. Herpes will certainly not change any of that. So many people react in such a way that makes it seem that herpes has all this power to ruin lives. It can if we allow it to. If we believe it has that kind of power. But for most people, something like getting herpes forces us to really get clear on who we are and what we have to offer.

 

And hey, sista, your rambling, lostness, confusion, fear, shock and whatever else is floating around in there is ALL welcome here. Big H Opp group hug to you. I'm glad you have such a wonderful, supportive boyfriend, too. Give him a hug for us too, will ya? ;)

 

P.S. You being afraid that your boyfriend will leave you isn't allowing yourself to feel all the love he has for you right NOW. Don't let your own fear of some hazy possibility in the future hold you back from being loved NOW. Yes, he may leave you tomorrow. The world might end tomorrow. Who knows what's going to happen. All you do know for sure is that you have a man who loves you for you right now. Let yourself enjoy that for now, come what may. Now is all we got.

[peaceandlove]

Welcome Dragalien! You are definitely in the right place for information and support, we are here for you. Ramble on girl, it helps just to let it out! I think everyone goes through that rollercoaster of emotions, I'm right there with you. Its been a week since I was diagnosed and I can go from perfectly fine to crying for no real reason. This condition is a lot to comprehend, give yourself time. As far as your future goes, don't let this stop you. You shouldn't have to plan your future around H, it has no effect on your ability to finish your degree and get your dream job. You are no less intelligent or hard working than you were Tuesday, why would a skin condition make a difference? I'm glad you have the support of your boyfriend, but I also understand that fear you have of being alone. I know my fear comes more from my personal insecurities and lack of self acceptance than anything else. It is hard to believe others will love and support you if you can't do it for yourself. Be open to him, don't let this diagnosis create mistrust that wasn't there before. Hold your head up high, and take it one day at a time. It does get easier! When you feel confused and scared or just need to vent, reach out. You're not alone sister :)

*hugs*

[Dragalien]

Thanks so much for the support guys, it really helps to have a positive support group. With my semester finals coming up, my father's cancer coming back, and now this, I am under a lot of stress and feel like life is dealing me a cruel hand.

 

I want to get everything figured out for my future, but I think I need to stop, take a breather, and take everything step by step, as difficult as this is. I feel the need to get everything set so I can constantly think about other things than dread and wait for the full diagnosis.

 

*hugs backs* Thanks so much for the support and love, it means a lot.

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

" With my semester finals coming up, my father's cancer coming back, ...."

 

Sounds like you are under a lot of stress .. and Herpes LOVES stress! So there is every chance you have had this for awhile (either caught from your BF or since before him...if he tests + for the same one as you, you will never know where you got it). Many people harbor the virus for YEARS before they have an outbreak.

 

"I think I need to stop, take a breather, and take everything step by step, as difficult as this is"

 

YESSSSSS! BREATHE! Keep reading here (especially the success stories!) and realize you are NOT alone (in fact, you are in the majority!) and you are NOT dirty. Just unlucky perhaps ...BUT, as Adrial is so FAB-U-LOUS *said in my best RuPaul voice* at pointing out, this can be one of the greatest opportunities for you to learn about and accept YOU...and it will sort out the REAL people in your life.

 

(((HUGS)))

[Dragalien]

Thanks WCSDancer <3 I just found out I have type 1, and we are waiting for my boyfriend's results. I don't feel as sick to my stomach doing research on this anymore, and the outbreak is almost gone, so things are kinda looking up =)

[WCSDancer2010]

One day, one step at a time. :)

 

There have been some really great stories on here recently about how people have realized that in the grand scheme of things, this "tragedy" isn't as bad as they first think. Sounds like you are dealing with a lot of issues too. Perhaps you can gain some strength from reading those stories too....

 

And glad things are looking up... ;)

[Peachyogurtisawesome]

Yes you are definitely not alone. Here's what you should do. The next time you get down on yourself for having herpes i want you to put yourself in ghis scenerio. Just suppose you were out campin in the woods and a big bear was to pop out if the bushes. Now would u rather have herpes or a sprained ankle? I don't know about you but I'm going with herpes every damned day of the week lol. Physically its not so bad. My first outbreak was jacked up but this last one was just itchy lol. My asthma holds me back more than this. i used to buy everything society said about herpes. But if u think about it society in general is very ignorant in everything they promote and think such as white people can't dance or black people or lazy. Those things just aren't true. i know plenty of white people that can dance and plenty of black people that are hard working. And since coming to ghis site plenty of people with herpes who aren't dirty. so pick your spirits up and realize its " not what society says, but what u answer to that's important" it was good to hear ur story and welcome to the community.

[WCSDancer2010]

" not what society says, but what u answer to that's important"

 

AWESOME :)

[Dragalien]

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that! - Rocky Balboa

 

That's my personal quote, what gets me through the rough days, and what I play now every morning since I found out.

 

Unfortunately, you can't completely blame society for what they think. Sex ed, and sexual health education is incredibly out dated, skewed, and not taken care of that well. I remember sitting through these sessions, having questions but being afraid to ask. I remember hearing things about herpes that I now know to not be true. A massive reform needs to be done. I honestly think a OB/GYN should be teaching these sessions, rather than my gym teacher.

 

And thanks for welcoming me to the community =)