Just had my first herpes outbreak - trying to deal with the emotions

[jetset_2002]

Hi guys,

A male 36 here. I just had my first major outbreak and im struggling with the emotions and spend too much time googling Herpes and all that comes with it.

 

My outbreak started like a shaving rash in the pubes area and then got worse, turned into big sores. It stinged and was not like any type of irritation ive had down there before. I also got flu like symptoms for a couple of days and went to the doc who had a look and said: ”Thats herpes!”. She took a test (will get result in a week) but was so sure of it so she put me on medecine and gave me a pain killing gel (life saver at work).

 

I was very promiscuous in my younger years and I guess now its time to pay.

 

Im with a girl since a year who I love so much and know shes ”the one” for me. I feared how she would react to this but when I told her she was 100% supportive. She said we are family and this changes nothing between us. I almost cried and my love for her went even deeper.

 

She said that we should continue as normal, we dont use protection and we both enjoy sex a lot. She said we should just avoid sex when i have an outbreak and if she catches it we will deal with it then. She just had a friend die from cancer and reminded me there are bigger issues in life than the occational "cold sore on the genitals" as she put it. That gave me some perspective but I still feel like crap.

 

I feel (am!) infected and the last thing i want is to give this to my girlfriend but I also dont want things to change between us. I wonder how big the risk is for her to catch it if we continue as usual but avoid sex during outbreaks. Im also afraid that I will get regular outbreaks. I read some people only have one and i hope im one of them..

 

Is there any point in her getting tested? She hasn't had any symptoms and given her past compared to mine I'm pretty sure I'm the one who brought this into the relationship. Can one get tested without symptoms?

 

Sorry for the rant but it needed to reach out to someone who are in a similar situation with these thoughts. Im sitting here with my sores hurting and I feel like my whole life just changed and not for the better.

 

Much love, E.

[WCSDancer2010]

First - welcome! You are among friends.... I hear your pain and fears .... do know it is part of the "Herpes Journey" and things WILL get better :)

 

Your GF sounds like a Peach.... lucky you! She said "She just had a friend die from cancer and reminded me there are bigger issues in life than the occational "cold sore on the genitals" as she put it. " Smart girl! But also, good for you to want to protect her.

 

Adrial has a lot of great info on here in the handouts and such which you can find here:

 

Handouts:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

 

Disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

The "bad news" is its easier for women to get it than men. The good news is that the meds you are on will greatly reduce that risk.

 

From the handout:

 

UNPROTECTED TRANSMISSION RATES?

•

Herpes male to non-

herpes female =

10%

•

Herpes female to non-

herpes male =

4%

 

Assumes the following:

 

No sex during active outbreaks,

•

No daily antiviral medication

•

No regular use of condoms.

 

3 extra layers of protection:

1.

Daily suppressive therapy of antiviral medication reduces transmission rates by 48%

.

2.

Condoms reduce transmission rates by another 30-50%

.

3.

Awareness of prodrome helps to protect that much more so sex can be avoided during such sensations.

 

Sorry to cut/paste but I'm at work and trying to get a quick reply to you... Adrial has a bunch more links I know will help....

 

Gotta run - clients coming!

[jetset_2002]

Thank you so much for your kind and very informative answer! My guess is that we are looking at 10% risk if "keeping things as they are". This is something we will need to discuss. I will be sure to educate myself on prodome (had to google that word lol) symptoms too.

 

I feel better now just after reading your reply. I need to get all the facts straight in order to adjust to this new situation!

[WCSDancer2010]

Glad to help - I just wanted to get some quick answers for you ...

 

Prodrome symptoms are usually tingling, itching, "weird sensations" that happen before the breakout. I can feel mine now and treat it so early people would never guess (I have Oral and Genital...whooohoo!) because it will look like I had a small pimple at worst. Me ex would feel like he had the flu (and he NEVER got the flu). Each person is different.

 

I feel that when we know we can pass it on we are in a way safer than those who "believe" they don't have it... I know many many people who go many many years before their first outbreak (if they have one at all). And others who passed it on and never knew they had it at all.

 

Speaking of which you asked about getting her tested... yes, you might as well - (tho it may come up negative if you only just exposed her to a full OB)... if it comes up negative I'd retest in about 4-5 months. Then yearly after that if she is still negative. After all, if she does have it, that takes the pressure off the whole issue of transference... if she is H-, then you work out how much risk you are willing to take. Make sure she is properly informed around everything then trust her to make her own mind up about what she is comfortable with.

 

Herpes is a slippery little bugger (which is one of the reasons it's so prevalent )- all we can do is to do our best to inform our partners, take precautions, and leave the rest to the Universe.... (because becoming a Monk/Nun just isn't going to happen for most of us :P )

 

(((HUGS)))

[Aerial2013]

Your girlfriend certainly IS a peach! What a great perspective! Allow yourself to be in the moment with her and don't give into the temptation to surrender to negative thoughts. Over-thinking and worrying keeps us from fully receiving the love of someone like her! LOVE that you care and want her protected, and wish you the VERY best together with this amazing lady!

 

Welcome, new friend!!!

[Aerial2013]

"slippery little bugger"? LOVE that!!! SO true!

 

Though I am no medical practitioner and can't give any advice, I can tell you that my own blood labs have offered little if any help whatsoever, probably because I was SO desperate for confirmation (or NOT !) I did them too soon. Waiting would have definitely been better for me, esp if I'd found this site to get me through the interim.

[jetset_2002]

Thanks guys! On day 4 of the outbreak now. The pain is unbearable, just spent the whole day looking at my computer at work. Really struggling to stay positive. I just can't wait for this to be over!

[jetset_2002]

Just got the test results - i have HSV-1. The doctor told me this is good news, since HSV-2 is apparently more aggressive. Its starting to heal up nicely now and hopefully life will be back to normal soon. Thank you guys so much for your answers and to however started this amazing forum - a big thanks to you too!

[nic4897]

So happy you found someone that loves you so much to be supportive. Blessings to you :)

[WCSDancer2010]

Good that you have the results and yes, HSV1 is the "lesser of the two evils" as far as shedding frequency and # of outbreaks. Just be careful during your oral escapades ;)

 

Credit for the forum goes to @Adrial (Mr H Opp) :)