Worst Herpes Story Ever--Part 1

[abc123]

I am new new to this site. I have spent most of the past 2 month and 5 days since my diagnosis crying and living in a world of complete misery and hopelessness. I am just like you-- frantically googling any and every website and article and medical discussion about herpes. On November 29, I found this site, thankfully. So for now, you all and this website are literally all I have. I get home from work, read and cry, read and cry, and read and cry. I thank you all for your stories. Every single story. I think I have read them all. I will continue to read them. A little about me: highly educated, a professional in my field, tons of great friends who I have known all my life, great parents and siblings and a wonderful extended family whom I cherish and adore. I am a 40 yr. old Caucasian female. Typical girl-- love to shop, hang with friends, love to go out, enjoy my job,etc... I love animals and have been involved in rescue adoption for many years. I would literally cut off my own arm if I knew it would put an end to animal abuse and neglect. I have had many great opportunities to travel and many adventures. Never been married (keep reading) and no children. It just never happened for me. I have a strong personality and am prone to anxiety and depression. That has always been a struggle for me and this situation has obviously made it a zillion times worse. Here is my long and sad story.... PART 1: I was in love with Mark the moment I met him at a birthday party in the early spring of 2008. Handsome, witty and confident....and not a care in the world. I had kind of heard he was a bit of a 'player', but other than that, I knew nothing about him. It didn't matter, I was going to change his world and we were going to fall madly in love and be together forever. By our first date that early summer, I was madly in love. At the time, I didn't realize I was in fact a 'rebound' girl for him. He had broken up with a long time girlfriend that past spring, she had moved back to the West Coast and he talked about her quite a bit. I didn't make a big deal of it and decided to be a loving, supporting and trusting new girlfriend who would listen and be there for him. I thought in time I would eventually become the love of his life, so listening about the ex was something I was willing to deal with, and wait it out. And I was very good at waiting. Turns out, while I was more and more invested as time went on, he was less and less interested. By the late fall of 2008, the 'fun-ness' had run its course for him and he broke it off without a hint of sadness and went on his merry way. Break up #1. I was completely devastated. My life fell apart. I couldn't eat or sleep. I cried and cried and cried. I drank and drank and drank every weekend to numb the pain. My mom took care of me and listened to me whine and cry for weeks.

 

 

I figured the only thing I could do was wait it out. And I was good at waiting. I never drunk dialed, texted or freaked out on him. I was pretty on the outside and miserable on the inside. I prayed for him to come back. He eventually did, and we started dating again. I think I stood out from the other women he had dated in the past. More trustworthy, caring, kind and loving. He could trust me. I didn't bring drama. All I wanted was to be with him. I think to some degree he took advantage of my feelings for him in that way, but in time I knew it would work out to my advantage. I just had to wait it out, keep being the sweet, loving, kind and wonderful girlfriend he needed. And I was good at waiting. I loved him so much, I couldn't even possibly imagine life without him.

 

This ''break up, make up" cycle went on for a long time. I think he broke up with me a total of 5 times. Each time was worse than the one before. I couldn't let him go. He was all I thought and dreamed about. I loved him from the beginning. It took him forever to tell me he loved me, but when he finally did, I knew he meant it. We had some issues. He and I were very different. He was selfish, lacked empathy, always had to be right, had to win every argument. He lacked 'people skills'. Very, very book smart. Zero common sense. He struggled with maintaining certain friendships. They were very one-sided. He was not good at making the effort to call, text or reach out. He didn't get along we'll with his sisters. I saw these same patterns with people he worked with. We had a different sense of humor. For example, I love Seinfeld. He didn't get the Seinfeld humor at all. I have a hard time understanding how anyone doesn't understand Seinfeld. But anyway, we were different on many levels, but I loved him, faults and all. I knew he loved me too, but the trust he felt with me was much more important in his eyes...and that meant a lot to me.

 

Part 1 - http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1983/worst-herpes-story-ever-part-1/p1

Part 2 - http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1986/worst-herpes-story-ever-part-2/p1

Part 3 - http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1988/worst-herpes-story-ever-part-3/p1

Part 4 - http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1996/worst-herpes-story-ever-part-4/p1

Part 5 - http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1997/worst-herpes-story-ever-part-5/p1

Part 6 - http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2007/worst-herpes-story-ever-part-6/p1

[Sab123]

I'm only 22 and I met my ex when I was 13 started dating him at 14 and was with him for almost 7 years key words I was with him he treated me horrible but I thought I loved him so I put up with it he cheated on me went behind my back talked bad about me denied me and ignored me for most of the 5 years and I accepted it I thought he was all I ever would find I was young and scared so I stayed when he came around and really changed I didn't want it anymore I guess I grew up and realize what I wante and deserved best choice I ever made now I'm with my current boy friend who I love so much we have been together for over a year and sadly I have just found out in oct I have hsv 1 genitally from my ex :( ruined my youth now my life it was hard and still is to deal with it but I have only had one ob and hoping to not have one for a long time fingers crossed anyway make a long story longer lol my boyfriend was very scared at first but he hasn't left my side and I just hope that we can get through this together I do not want to loose him sex since the on has been very hard and it's putting a stress on us he's being patient but he is a man and has needs that I try I fulfill them anyway possible tmi sorry lol but I jut wish we didn't have to be limited we are very affection it and it's jut sad that we have to control ourselves it's getting better and better I'm just trying to stay positive that's my story keep your fingers crossed for me and I'll do the same for you xoxo

[WCSDancer2010]

So First, thank you for sharing... I assume the next post will be about the herpes. But this is what I see so far... (and I think deep down you know everything I'm going to say)

 

You keep saying how good you are at waiting. And you know he has issues with empathy and the need to be right. So what I want to know is, why was it ok for someone as bright and intelligent as you to keep "waiting" for him? Is that you are a "rescuer" and you keep thinking you can change him?

 

And as someone who has been a Rebound Chick a couple times myself, I will tell you, that is the ONE place you don't want to go. I know. I'm a really good waiter too ;) It doesn't matter how wonderful, sweet, kind, intelligent, whatever you are. While "her" energy is in the space, you will always just be a convenient place for them to go to "forget her". And that SUCKS. And really, they end up not respecting you because they KNOW you are their doormat to escape their pain.

 

A man respects a woman who will tell him when he has overstepped the boundaries of decency and respect. I just had to wait it out, keep being the sweet, loving, kind and wonderful girlfriend he needed. This is all about HIM and HIS needs. Sounds like you are not too good at worrying about YOUR needs. When you are rescuing a dog or a cat or a man, you are not rescuing YOU!

 

So - perhaps Herpes was sent to make you look inwards and force you to rescue YOU. It's worth looking at, eh?

 

(((HUGS)))

[WCSDancer2010]

Sab123

 

have just found out in oct I have hsv 1 genitally from my ex ruined my youth now my life

 

That is an outright untruth... and you know how I know? Because you have a loving BF RIGHT NOW who is standing by your side while you navigate this thing. If you continue with that attitude then you will get a self fulfilling prophecy because who wants to be with a VICTIM?

 

How's about this?

 

"I found out in Oct that I got HSV from my ex. I've learned from that relationship what I DON"T want in a relationship. I now have a virus that is really a nuisance skin condition with a crappy stigma attached that I will overcome AND that my current BF accepts and loves me and is supporting me while I learn to accept this condition.

 

You see - what you SAY is what you will HAVE. If you SAY it ruined your life - it WILL ruin your life.

 

We live in a world run by WORDS. Use them wisely grasshopper :)

 

(((HUGS)))

[mr_hopp]

To piggyback on what WCS is talking about, here's an article you should read ASAP about the words we use. The power of words is immense. How we tell our story dictates how we relate to our lives. It can empower us just as easily as it can disempower us. There's nothing right or wrong about it, just what you want to bring about in your life. It's your decision.

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-wordplay-the-power-of-words/

 

And ABC, I'm glad you're sharing your journal with us. :) Hopefully by getting it out in the open, you will be able to see it from a different perspective and it won't have the power over you that it once did. It's healthy to tell our story, but confining if we let it define us.

[WCSDancer2010]

It's healthy to tell our story, but confining if we let it define us.

 

Amen :)

[abc123]

I hope I am not offending anyone with my story. I know it is long, but I figure this is where I need to start if I want to begin trying to heal my own life. Being here has helped immensely. Part 4 will be the end and just getting it off my chest will be a huge relief. I continue to read posts and reflect on how other people here have started to change their thought process and their attitudes towards herpes. Thank you for listening.

[WCSDancer2010]

Not offended at all - just hope you understand I will reply with what *I* see in your story ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

[Sab123]

You guys are right some days are better then others it just sucks that in going to have a life timer reminder of a time I which I can just forget my life isn't ruined I'm just still angry at the whole situation I feel like it's karma for leaving him when he really loved my but I left because I wanted to I wanted up be happy and I wanted to be with someone I really really loved not someone who treated me like that I am lucky to have found my amazing boyfriend it's just been a really rocky road for us since my diagnosis

[WCSDancer2010]

I feel like it's karma for leaving him when he really loved my but I left because I wanted to I wanted up be happy and I wanted to be with someone I really really loved not someone who treated me like that

 

Why in the HELL would it be karma for leaving a bad relationship and taking care of YOU?

 

AND, it all led to your current BF... how frickin awesome is THAT?