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I made a huge mistake and not sure what to do now. Please help.


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I'm sure to be burned here for what I'm about to say but I have to let this out and see what you all think. I was married for about 5 years. Tried marriage counseling and personal counseling to try to make it work (mostly for my son's sake) but my ex and I just were not compatible. I started getting the feeling like she was doing things behind my back but she and my marriage counselor reassured me that I was just coming up with crazy thoughts.

 

Well, shortly after our divorce was finalized by the state I ended up finding out that she had been stripping at a local club behind my back and right after that I discovered that she had been sleeping with her doctor who performed surgery on her knee states away. I felt so betrayed even that we weren't together anymore. I had been living in her world of lies without even realizing it.

 

Shortly after all of this, I had gotten a really bad sore throat and had an abscess on my tonsils. I was hospitalized for almost a week on IV antibiotics then released to go home. I started to get a headache that night. Woke in the morning unable to talk or move my head without my neck hurting. Then I started vomiting uncontrollably. I texted my ex since my son was in my care (I have him 60-70% of the time) and she called 911 and came to get him.

 

I was hospitalized, spinal tapped and it was determined that I had bacterial meningitis. I had to stay in the ICU for almost a week then was moved to a regular room for a few days. Then they installed a pick line (IV from heart to bicep area) and I had to administer antibiotics via IV 2X a day. After being home for a few days, I got a call from the doctor and he said that they found a virus growing in my spinal fluid and they needed to switch my medications to anti-viral and I would have to administer them via IV for 3 weeks every 8 hours. I was on oxy, percocet, diloted, and morphine for almost 5 weeks.

 

During a follow up appointment with my doc, he told me that the virus growing in my spine was herpes. I was floored. I suppose that I got it from my ex because I confronted her on it and she told me that she had it. Can't do anything about it though. I do not know what form of the virus I have and I will find out at my next follow up. I was very uneducated on the whole thing until a bit of the reading that I've been doing as of lately.

 

The crazy thing is I've never had a single bump blister or anything EVER. I take valacyclovir 500mg daily now just because it was prescribed to me but not sure if I need it.

 

Well, here it is now. I recently was re-introduced to someone who I hadn't seen in almost 15 years. I had seen her a few times and we both have had a lot of fun together. Giving everything from my past I want to take things slow and really get to know her (all of the things that I failed to do before).

 

Anyhow things were going great and I had plans to take her out the other night. I wasn't mentally ready to disclose my info to her and just planned on doing it after I wanted to take it to the next level. Well, we went out to dinner and had a few drinks, then went to a few more places to grab some drinks. I think I was trying to prolong the night so that we wouldn't have a chance of intercourse.

 

At the end of the night we went back to her place to sit on the porch and talk and she really came onto me. I messed up bad because we ended up having sex. This is completely my fault and the alcohol backfired completely. I feel like I completely betrayed someone that I'm really started to have feelings for and I started off a possible relationship with a lie. I'm trying to figure out what I should do now. I'm thinking I either have to end it because I want honesty with who ever I'm in a relationship with or I have to figure out a way to tell her now.

 

I know I messed this up bad. I really wish I had been more educated on this whole thing. I stumbled onto this site yesterday and I had no idea there was anything like this out there.

 

Any advice that you guys can give would be great here. From what you've just finished reading you might think that I am a complete scumbag and I understand that but I'm telling you this is not me and not at all what I want to do.

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Hey,

 

So, honestly, I don't think its too late to tell her what happened to you in the past. You need to let her know you are ok and that you take preventatives but you took it a step too far. You always have to disclose to someone even if you jumped too fast. Honestly, it's in her hands on what she wants to do. I really do hope you used protection. Just be honest... people can be very forgiving. It can be a tough conversation but it will only make you stronger.

 

Good luck!

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Thank you. This has been weighing on me for the past few days and I'm going to talk to her. I just went to the Doctor who treated me for the meningitis so I could get copies of my records so that I know exactly what I have and what I need to educate her on so that she can make her decision. I've been reading the blog and I keep seeing links for an "e" book but can't seem to find it. I wanna read about disclosure because it seems like a lot of people on this site find it helpful.

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Here's that link to the e-book: http://eepurl.com/b4IPP ... and if you're already signed up to the email list, private message me and I'll send you the link directly to the pdf. :) Sorry I haven't had the time to adequately respond to your post, jp! Things have been super busy in preparation to the H Opportunity weekend seminar coming up in October! I'll respond when some time clears up. :) (And thanks crissy for hopping in!)

Notes:

  • My mother is now in hospice with end-stage cancer, so I am at her house a lot these days helping where I can until she passes. Thank you in advance for understanding if I am not as quick to respond as I normally would be. This is a precious and bittersweet time …
  • This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 6 months later...

I apologize for being away for so long on here. I did disclose after all of this. It was one of the most stressful things that I have ever done but it went well. She accepted and we were in a relationship for 4 and 1/2 months that ended for other reasons. I take it all as a learning experience and I will not make that mistake again. I appreciate all of the support that this site has to offer and everything that you do Adrial.

 

 

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