State of Denial/Out of Denial: Either or Both

[Aimee (previously baffled1]

I have started this entry over and over again in a months' time frame.

 

I can say I'm closer to acceptance than I have ever been. I have these moments of complete acceptance and moments of complete breakdown. When I'm in acceptance, i come face to face with the truth of how much pain, irritation, redness, swelling vulva, swelling left side groin lymph nodes, the feeling sick, weak, feverish, etc and the 2 tiny sores that were present for almost 5 weeks experienced during my 1st outbreak. Then add to the 3 other vulva issues that appeared right after the 1st OB, during , and some of those issues still present. 2 of those 3 issues cant be treated. Why? because the known treatments reactivate the HVS virus. I know this from medical journals and my own personal experience. Hydrocortisone creams are the only known treatment.

 

So we tried an over-counter hydro. cream with very little in it, and 1 day after application, my 2nd OB occurred. 1 sore in the very same spot. It was/is just as painful as the 1st OB. Which in turn, also aggravated, made the other 3 issues caused by the HSV 2 in my case even worse. I took the antiviral meds to clear up the 2nd OB. It did clear up in 4/5 days, but not the other miserable, discomforting, and distressing issues. So I'm caught in this vicious never-ending cycle. My doctors and I are not sure what do to give me relief and have some sort of a normal life.

 

So how did I get to this point? My State of Denial and my personal journal!!!

2 Emergency room visits, 2 visits to a dermatologist, multiple visits to 2 different OB/GYNs, 2 cultures, biopsy, and several blood drawn for hsv at different times during my 1 OB, after my 1st OB, during 2nd OB and after 2nd OB. and my complete OB/GYN history. All the pieces have been put together and diagnosis are known. If there is ever an upside to being in denial, I guess this would be it. With all the tests, visits etc. it has been medically determined that the HSV 2 virus is the cause of my PIFH, LSC, and 2 episodes of BV acquired only after being infected and that my ex is the 1 who infected me on Oct. 19,2013..

 

I have 3 medical professionals in agreement of all diagnoses'. If u put all 3 Doctors experience and time together, u would almost 100 years of experience.

 

I haven't been able to visit my counselor lately because of money issues like I was consistently. My ex has been repaying me for some of the medical expenses for all of this etc but not fast enough. Plus I have missed work from all this. Where to go from here? I don't know.

 

 

 

[fyrefenyx]

Healing occurs differently for each individual...as each individial will experience this virus in dif ways. You can only take one day at a time and one step at a time...BREATHE remember, this virus wont cause you to die. If youre worried about paying med bills...pay what u can, when you can. If you are working with these clinics to make payments, they cant force you into collections. Ive known ppl who can only afford to pay $5 a month for hospital bills...worry also negates the healing process. If you are in the US, do not let the monetary insurance billing side of the situation get to you . Your mindset plays a big part in the healing process My Dx of this virus was on my son's 16th bday in October of 2013. I had to go thru all the stages of grief...to let go, forgive, accept: theres no time limit on the process. Ive accepted that I have a diagnosis but refuse to claim it as mine. 1/4 of the population has this dis-ease and Im sure you will find many of us on here helping and supporting each other. Youre not a line :-)

[WCSDancer2010]

Aimee..

 

Where do you go?

 

You take it one day at a time. And you find ways to take care of YOU. Anger, stress, and frustration will only make all your issues worse. Use this time to learn ways to de-stress. Perhaps, since you can't afford the counselling, get some good self help books like Eckhart Tolles NewEarth or The Power of NOW , The Secret, whatever speaks to you.

 

And you take it one day at a time...

 

(((HUGS)))

[joancharlotte]

Its phasic not basic. It will get better. Sorry u our having a hard time of it. At least the ex is helping.