Jump to content
  • Want to be a part of a supportive community? Join the H Opp community for free.

    Welcome to the Herpes Opportunity Support Forum! We are a supportive and positive group to help you discover and live your Opportunity. Together, we can shed the shame and embrace vulnerability and true connection. Because who you are is more important than what you have. Get your free e-book and handouts here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

State of Denial/Out of Denial: Either or Both

Recommended Posts

I have started this entry over and over again in a months' time frame.


I can say I'm closer to acceptance than I have ever been. I have these moments of complete acceptance and moments of complete breakdown. When I'm in acceptance, i come face to face with the truth of how much pain, irritation, redness, swelling vulva, swelling left side groin lymph nodes, the feeling sick, weak, feverish, etc and the 2 tiny sores that were present for almost 5 weeks experienced during my 1st outbreak. Then add to the 3 other vulva issues that appeared right after the 1st OB, during , and some of those issues still present. 2 of those 3 issues cant be treated. Why? because the known treatments reactivate the HVS virus. I know this from medical journals and my own personal experience. Hydrocortisone creams are the only known treatment.


So we tried an over-counter hydro. cream with very little in it, and 1 day after application, my 2nd OB occurred. 1 sore in the very same spot. It was/is just as painful as the 1st OB. Which in turn, also aggravated, made the other 3 issues caused by the HSV 2 in my case even worse. I took the antiviral meds to clear up the 2nd OB. It did clear up in 4/5 days, but not the other miserable, discomforting, and distressing issues. So I'm caught in this vicious never-ending cycle. My doctors and I are not sure what do to give me relief and have some sort of a normal life.


So how did I get to this point? My State of Denial and my personal journal!!!

2 Emergency room visits, 2 visits to a dermatologist, multiple visits to 2 different OB/GYNs, 2 cultures, biopsy, and several blood drawn for hsv at different times during my 1 OB, after my 1st OB, during 2nd OB and after 2nd OB. and my complete OB/GYN history. All the pieces have been put together and diagnosis are known. If there is ever an upside to being in denial, I guess this would be it. With all the tests, visits etc. it has been medically determined that the HSV 2 virus is the cause of my PIFH, LSC, and 2 episodes of BV acquired only after being infected and that my ex is the 1 who infected me on Oct. 19,2013..


I have 3 medical professionals in agreement of all diagnoses'. If u put all 3 Doctors experience and time together, u would almost 100 years of experience.


I haven't been able to visit my counselor lately because of money issues like I was consistently. My ex has been repaying me for some of the medical expenses for all of this etc but not fast enough. Plus I have missed work from all this. Where to go from here? I don't know.




Link to comment

Healing occurs differently for each individual...as each individial will experience this virus in dif ways. You can only take one day at a time and one step at a time...BREATHE remember, this virus wont cause you to die. If youre worried about paying med bills...pay what u can, when you can. If you are working with these clinics to make payments, they cant force you into collections. Ive known ppl who can only afford to pay $5 a month for hospital bills...worry also negates the healing process. If you are in the US, do not let the monetary insurance billing side of the situation get to you . Your mindset plays a big part in the healing process My Dx of this virus was on my son's 16th bday in October of 2013. I had to go thru all the stages of grief...to let go, forgive, accept: theres no time limit on the process. Ive accepted that I have a diagnosis but refuse to claim it as mine. 1/4 of the population has this dis-ease and Im sure you will find many of us on here helping and supporting each other. Youre not a line :-)

Link to comment



Where do you go?


You take it one day at a time. And you find ways to take care of YOU. Anger, stress, and frustration will only make all your issues worse. Use this time to learn ways to de-stress. Perhaps, since you can't afford the counselling, get some good self help books like Eckhart Tolles NewEarth or The Power of NOW , The Secret, whatever speaks to you.


And you take it one day at a time...



Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...