Found out yesterday I have herpes: I feel totally destroyed

[alienshe]

I was really happy to find this site..I just found out yesterday that i have herpes. A few weeks ago I had an outbreak and I knew there was something wrong. It was so awful, I could barely walk and nothing helped. I went to my gyno and she did a culture, and a bunch of blood tests. She took a look and said from what she could see it looked like herpes..I was sure she was right, after doing a bit of research myself. She schedualed a follow up appointment for me. A few days later I got a call back from a nurse saying all my tests had come back negative. I was so relieved but i absolutely could not believe that there was nothing wrong. I called back and spoke to a bunch of different people, all assuring me everything was fine. I figured I'd go to my follow up appointment anyways. Sure enough, my doctor tells me I do, in fact, have the virus. I was once again totally mortified all over again. I had already told my partners that I had herpes, then told them apparently there was a mistake, now I'm supposed to tell them again? I'm a very sexual person and I do have multiple partners. I have always been responsible and used protection and I know that is not bulletproof but I guess I just never thought this would happen to me..

 

I feel like my life is over and no one will ever want me again. I don't want a monogamous relationship at this point in my life and that makes it worse. I don't know if there's anyone on here that understands this. I feel completely shattered and like I'm chained to my partner (who we found out also has herpes now.)

[Amillionthings]

Hey...

 

really great you found this site. You are now part of an amazing supportive forum. So ill leave others to share their words of wisdom. But just want to say u are not on your own at all and a big hug. everyone will understand :) x

[alienshe]

Thank you

[Amillionthings]

Youre welcome. Every single person on here understands...you aren't alone. Try to read as much as you can on this website and forum. Educate yourself with the right info...its all here. Big hug. X

[Sparklepony]

Chances are your blood test doesn't show any sign YET and that's why those test results were negative. Your culture swabs weren't though, those are immediate and completely accurate results. So there wasn't really a mistake, just two different tests and one not having enough time to show true results. It's extremely confusing since there is a gap of time from initial infection to antibodies in your blood.

 

Emotionally you're going to need to ride the rollercoaster until you mentally accept this lovely skin condition you have been given. Though it feels like your life is over now, it's not. Of course you're going to have to adjust some things but basically this is just another life change. You're not chained to anyone, and if you don't want to be with your partner then don't be. Don't waste his or your time. You can still live your life, you're just going to have to disclose to future and current partners. (which you have mentioned you have done. Bravo to you sister, most people aren't brave enough to do that) Honestly, look at it as a wingman, (Dancer can tell you the links about that, it's a fabulous mindset) and if you couldn't comfortably disclose to someone then they probably aren't someone you really want to be sleeping with.

[WCSDancer2010]

@alienshe

 

Hello and welcome

 

@sparklepony got it right about the tests...odds are you very recently got it from someone...maybe the partner that tested positive (if they had a blood test and it was +, it means they've had it at least 4 months).

 

So, I hear that you don't want to be monogamous., Well, sounds like you have 1 partner who is H+ so that one won't be an issue. What about the other one(s)??? Did they get tested?

 

Have to say it WILL be more difficult to have casual relationships, but not impossible. You can try the Herpes/STD dating sites ( I don't normally recommend them because the numbers on there are a lot less than a normal site but for casual relationships it's a decent resource as you don't have to worry about disclosure).

 

Give it time... read your way around here. Get comfortable with the facts. Read the FAQ page (at the top of the Discussion page. Print out the handouts. And ask anything that you need clarification on...

 

(((HUGS))) We are here for you... and you will be just fine :)

[alienshe]

Thanks guys. Its nice to hear these things from people and not just doctors lol. I may have sounded a bit harsh towards my partner, he's my best friend and I don't want to lose him. Finding out I have this virus has made me feel somewhat like I'm caged, I keep taking it out on him. We have a child together and aside from the virus, everything's fine. The thing is we had separated for aabout a year and during that time he got with someone else, who is now pregnant. When we told her we had tested positive for herpes she got so defensive- she said her mother had it when she was young and it just went away. She is convinced its not for life. Her ignorance and refusal to accept the facts has made me think that she's had it for awhile and refused to accept it..I'm concerned for her child, but also angry that she could be so selfish. My boyfriend told me while they were together she had a "cut" down there and she told him it was no big deal. She said she was allergic to latex, they never used protection. Anyways! It is surpringly helpful to write these things down.

[WCSDancer2010]

Your partner needs to tell her that she should ask the Dr for a Herpes test "just to be safe" because if they don't and she has an OB, she could give it to the baby. The only time Herpes is a big deal is for newborns...it can severely affect them including brain damage so it's not to be messed with. They can put her on anti-virals for the last month and they will check her closely for any sign of an OB and do a cesarean if they are in doubt of her status.