Trying not to kill myself

[prettygirl1001]

So i found out not to long ago that I have herpes and its killing me. I found out when i had these white spots show up but it had happened a couple years ago and i went and got tested and everything was fine so i asked what could it have been based on description since the std tests came out fine and the doctor told me it could have been a yeast infection when it gets into the skin so thats what i believed the whole time and then when i noticed it again a few months ago i just assumed the same thing the doctor said it could have been so i called for the yeast infection pill and it was still there a couple days after i took it so i went to another place and was negative for a yeast infection and the other place told me i should get tested for stds so i did and bam i got my call the next week was told i tested negative for everything except the hsv:2 so ofcourse when i get this call im at work so i cry and cry and cry and cried so much i threw up twice. So i went to get a second opinion and they said since its the exact same thing then its a reoccurring one so now im like so i had this for 2years and didnt know it because i barely got any outbreaks and the minors i did i thought i scratched myself because i have accidentally done it with a razor but other than that nothing so i went to the first place where i got tested at because i only had sex with 4 people in the last two years and i figured how is this possible if i had been tested after the people i had sex with and was clean so when they gave me my results i found out that the place doesnt test for herpes but i didnt know that i thought that all std clinics test for all diseases i even said test me for everything so i had to ask everyone to get me a copy of their test results. My son's father he said eww thats disgusting you have that yuck yea me get you my results asap to clear my name however he had his phone cut off a couple days after that, the other 2 they told me they were good and the one thats most important since he was who i was having sex with the most in those two years but he came back clean and then when i was finally able to get intouch with my son's father he asked if he could have some time with the baby and i said sure as long as you come show me your test results...never came and i never got those results, the guy i was having sex with the most i asked was he afraid to kiss me and he said no and i said would you still kiss me and he said no because we arent there and he didnt want to create a blurred line but i thin that line was passed a long time ago you know since we were having sex on and off for two years. Then there was this guy at work that i liked but i never tried to have sex with him and when i told him he said we could only be friends but then when i tried to hang out see if he wanted to catch a movie he said no ill only see you at work and that it would be uncomfortable for him if i even came over his house and he stopped responding to my calls and texts and so pretty much only speaks to me at work but it hurt on some level because it makes me feel like im not even good enough to hang out with, i told one of my friends and she said well what did you expect him to do (talking about the guy from work that i liked) and i said to treat me like a person still and not only be cool enough to talk to inside work about work. The friend that told me he didnt want to create blurred lines i fell for him but with this it feels like it all changed and my son's father it hurts because it has to be him hes the only one that didnt show any results and if it was him it makes me mad he said all that crap on the phone. Why do good people always get hurt i wasnt sleeping around either. i ate some of a poisonous plant hoping that it would kill me but it didnt, im only 22 and no ones ever been in love with me it was always the other way around and i feel like no one will ever except me except if we share the same problem and so i went on the website for dating but i dont want to have to pay to meet someone thats crazy but yep theres my story

[Amillionthings]

Hey

 

Welcome @prettygirl ....so im really happy you found this forum. You are going to find support, understanding and non-judgement. You are NOT alone, everyone here gets how you feel. We have it too!

 

I know there will be some very wise words that will follow to help you collect your thoughts and educate you through this....here you will find the right info, and encouragement you deserve:)

 

Please dont take your life...I know it feels impossible sometimes....but it isn't. We just have to have faith and some hope. I feel like you sometimes. And then I come here and it puts things into perspective. Read as much as you can on this forum. Education on H is key :)

 

Those guys.....idiots! Not because they don't like herpes....that's fine....but because you're a human being who deserves to be shown respect. You don't need people like that in your life. With or without H! Take this as your opportunity to get rid of pointless people who make you feel rubbish and start surrounding yourself with people who make you feel good.....and this forum is truly a great place to start ....well done for being so honest in your story and in how you feel...you have courage and you are brave ....what fantastic qualities you have. Be proud.

 

Be at peace as much as you can. Don't take your life....instead.... Read some stories. Read all our stories. You arent alone. Sit tight...you have support right here :)

 

x

 

 

 

 

[Amillionthings]

Ps. Im 29 and not ever truly been in love either. You have a few years on me ;) ....we just havent met the right guys....yet.

[WCSDancer2010]

@prettygirl1001

 

First, welcome friend. I want to say first and foremost, you life is NOT over. You have a beautiful child who needs you... AND, how you deal with this will set an example for him. He may not know what is going on now, but this experience can help you to become stronger and more powerful than you will ever realize.

 

I suggest for now that you read all you can on here. It's 2:30 am here, I need to get to bed but I'll post some links for now and come back with more in the morning...

 

Our biggest success right now is @thisisgoingtobeok ... who wasn't ok at all when she came on here in October of last year. I'm going to post 4 of her many posts...so you can see her journey. She, like you, thought her life was over. Just wait till you read her most recent post :)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1911/bad-day-bad-day-need-inspiration-fast-before-i-lose-it-

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1800/genital-herpes-hsv1-diagnosed-for-1-month-still-having-a-really-hard-time

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2056/semi-success-i-dont-know-just-read-it

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2056/semi-success-i-dont-know-just-read-it

 

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3036/i-had-the-herpes-talk-and-he-said

[prettygirl1001]

thank you guys and hopefully i will be able to cope better

[Guest]

Pretty Girl: Let's slow things down for now. You have a lot of information to learn before you're ready to take the field again. At 22 years old and with a child, the kind of guys you're going to meet are not really the long-term type. There are plenty of successful relationships and sex stories with people in your circumstance. While you're learning about your new challenges, I recommend you not tell any more guys, especially ones at work. Look, at your age, every guy is going to talk to his buddies about you, and the lower profile the better. Guys in their 20s are about sowing their oats and conquests, not relationships (unless you're J-Lo).

[prettygirl1001]

@Unhappy1 I only told one guy at work because i was talking to him we just hadn't had sex but i wanted to so i told him because if we did and he got it there's jail time for me. I had to tell the guy that i was having sex with on and off for two years because he was a primary suspect. Then i had to tell my son's father (who is the only one that hasn't given me any test results and stops responding to me when i ask about it) because he is clearly the one that gave it to me. I have only told three guys and one girl who is my friend because i needed someone to talk to

[Amillionthings]

@prettygirl ....you don't have to explain yourself hun. I think you are brave to tell people. You are doing the right thing. So many dont disclose...and thats why so many if us have it. Not every guy in his 20's is after one thing. If you meet someone who deserves to be told...and u feel you can trust them...then carry on being the wonderfully honest and truthful person you are x

[WCSDancer2010]

Amen @Amillionthings....

 

At 22 years old and with a child, the kind of guys you're going to meet are not really the long-term type.... Look, at your age, every guy is going to talk to his buddies about you, and the lower profile the better. Guys in their 20s are about sowing their oats and conquests, not relationships (unless you're J-Lo).

 

Sorry, but that's a load of crap. I've known many young mothers who have met wonderful men who have taken them AND their child on as their own. Yes, many guys in their 20's are irresponsible and not "father" material, but there ARE good ones out there...and Herpes will help @prettygirl1001 to learn how to vet guys a little better before she opens herself to them and lets them see her in a vulnerable place.

 

Pretty girl: Yes - be careful who you tell ... at least until you are strong enough to deal with any fallout. I have personally come out to everyone ... yes, EVERYONE ... and I have to say it's been a wonderful experience...but I'm older, I've lived with it most of my life, and I personally don't care about what other people think. I kept it secret until I got to a point that I was tired of telling lies about why I had a Cesarean (which actually wasn't necessary - I was scared into having it by a Dr with an Agenda), and hearing about just how devastated other people are when they are diagnosed. So I came out on FB and all I have had is support and love. BUT, even though I have over 1000 friends (because of my dancing), I only accept friend requests from people who are kind hearted and someone I would want in my world. I may dance with lots of different people but I don't have to surround myself with jerks and assholes in my personal life. ;)

 

Herpes can help you to become more discerning with who you surround yourself with, and who you allow into your inner circle. People who are nasty, judgmental, and narrow-minded don't deserve to be your friend.... everyone deserves to find happiness and love, and believe it or not, Herpes can help you to become a stronger, more confident person.... just give it time, keep reading your way around here, and soak it all in. You deserve love my friend ... and you CAN find it.... promise. It will come when you are ready.

 

(((HUGS)))

[Guest]

Well, I don't know what city you live in Dancer, but every woman I have seen in her 20s with a child is single and on welfare, with the exception of certain immigrants. So you have "known many young mothers" like Pretty Girl that have met wonderful men who have taken them in? Really, I know zero young men in their 20s who are interested in taking in a woman with a child and long term commitment. Look, this post is about giving sound advice to Pretty Girl, not vetting an Oprah-like agenda. Guys talk, and the guy she told at work is likely telling other people at work. Just because you're out and proud that doesn't mean that same tactic is best for Pretty Girl. She deserves to hear a guy's perspective and most likely what 20-year old guys are thinking. Certainly she has to disclose to partners, but not the guy at work who she is just "talking with," and may want something down the road.

[prettygirl1001]

Excuse me @Unhappy1 I may be single but i am certainly not on welfare i have 2 jobs and up for a salaried promotion at one of my jobs so cut the S**T out, you havent seen me and you havent met me to even think welfare in the picture because i work hard for what i need for my child. me and the guy at work were kissing, and we were close to sex a few times but i always changed my mind, but no he didnt tell anyone and it actually made him go and get tested for the time in his life. but if you read my other post i went back and took it back and then he was all up in my face again but i wasnt interested anymore, and i even took it back when i told the girl thats my friend

[WCSDancer2010]

My single daughter is 26, with a 3 yr old, and is working full time and graduated Summa Cum Laude for her Associate Degree and will be starting in College in the Fall to study Environmental Science. She currently has a BF who loves her AND her baby... it's early days but he seems to be a good guy. Maybe you were not mature enough to step up in your 20's but there ARE guys out there who are. And BTW, my daughter was not always "perfect". She's pulled herself out of a great big hole and is making a better life for her and her daughter because she's strong and determined. There are many young women out there like her. And a smart man will recognize a woman like her as a powerful potential life partner.

 

And I DID tell @Prettygirl to be careful who she tells until SHE is strong enough to deal with any possible repercussions..... I just wanted her to know that it IS possible to find the strength and self love that it takes to open up to others who are DESERVING of knowing her status.

 

As I recall @Unhappy1, you haven't even been diagnosed for sure with H? I just love people who become the "Experts" in a field after a couple months..... :p ...I've had herpes for 35 years - been around the block a whole lotta times, and read all the stuff you quote on here AND all the research that has led up to it over the years. Much of what is advised now will be changed in a few years when more info becomes available, believe me. I've been on forums like this one for many years, advised hundreds if not thousands of people (although this is my most active role yet). Yes, my leanings are towards an Oprah-style of "Tough Love" and radical transparency, but if you go back to the top of the page here and read the Community Guidelines, you will see that this place is a place for support and growth by encouraging Shamlessness and Self Love. If your style is to insult people with your "advice" then you are on the wrong Forum.

 

Peace

[Sparklepony]

I really fought the urge to post this, but it's irritating as hell. @Unhappy1- I am a single mom. Have been since my now ex husband decided his girlfriend was much more fun than a wife with a baby on the way. I will admit it was very difficult at first but I busted my ass and put my entire being into being the best mom I could to my child and my job which has turned into a full on career. I am doing pretty well for myself considering the circumstances. While I have not disclosed that I have herpes to any of my male acquaintances (not sleeping with anyone currently) I have no doubt in my mind that none of them would tell any third parties. While people in their 20s are a bit less tight lipped on other peoples business generally, some are because they value the person whose private information they have, and they are too busy in their own lives to gossip about their friends.

 

I say this as respectfully as I possibly can- maybe you only know of people who have no issue with gossiping about their friends and co-workers, or you personally don't know guys close to your age who would "take in" a single mom because of the kind of people you associate with. Again, trying to be as respectful as possible. I'm not sure where you are from, but where I live there is a huge church influence. Most people are married around 22-24. Most have kids shortly after. Out of all the people in my age group that have gotten married, only a small percentage of us are divorced. Clearly those people close to our age (we are close to the same age I think) ARE the long term type.

 

This site is an AMAZING source of support and information for anyone looking to educate themselves and those around them about a matter that emotionally takes a toll on those living with it. I've seen only a few posts from you so I really don't want to be quick to judge but you're coming across as extremely confrontational. While you may (at least I hope) be attempting to just be honest, it's reading as negative and defensive.