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Told my new guy I have genital herpes and he said...


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Posted

So I wanted to share my story with other people who may be dealing with dating and having genital herpes! I have recently found out that this is no easy task! I mean dating is hard enough then add something like an incurable std! It can be stressful!... So a little info on me I am 24 recently divorced found out I had genital herpes in 2010 when I was still with my ex. He was supportive, stayed with me, and assured me he did not give it to me. So we split and I have recently started dating again, met a few guys in the last several months but nothing serious, didn't really click with any of them. Until about a week and a half ago! I met an incredible guy that I have so much chemistry with its scary! Lol... He really likes me as I really like him... We've already been on like 5 dates, we text all day, he actually calls to talk which many guys my age don't do anymore it's all about texting nowadays! We haven't done nothing much but kiss, some touching, outside the clothes... And I even made it clear from day one that I don't have sex with anyone until we are in a relationship. He was fine with it and told me he wanted more than just sex, so he could wait as long as I wanted :) so being so great I knew I had to tell this guy right away about the herpes! 1. Because he has a right to know if we are going to be intimate in the future and 2. Because I know I am on my way to falling for this guy and before I get too attached and invest too much time, he has to know so I don't get too hurt if he decides to take off!

 

Okay so last night was our 5th date I believe so I see him often! 5 dates in less than 2 weeks! Lol I'm telling you we get along amazing! Anywho, we go eat and have great conversation (as always) and laugh, joke and had a great time.... We get back to my house and we park and start our usual makeout session. He tells me if I want to go into the back seat not to take it further just so we can be closer together and hold each other, so that's when I told him I think we need to talk. I said it like this: "I really, really like you and before we take things further and before we both get too attached we need to have a discussion..." He sits up in his seat and says "okay baby let's talk..." Let me tell you before I go on that I read countless articles and blogs on the web on how to do this but of course I was still more nervous than I've ever been! I have never told anyone that didn't already know me for years, that I trusted, and or was very very close to me... Only about 3 people know I have herpes, so basically I was freaking out in the inside, but staying cool and calm on the outside like all the advice I've read said to do.

 

So I ask him when's the last time you've been tested? (Another tip from my research) he says a little over a year ago and that if I wanted him to get tested again he would.... Then I tell him the story of how I found out I had something back in 2010 that I found out it was from my ex he had it didn't tell me and gave it to me! I tell him all this but don't say the name, I think it sounds so awful I couldn't say it so I asked him to guess and he did, he told me he didn't know much about it so I told him all the basics the important things he needed to know and guess what he said? NO WORRIES WE'LL BE OKAY! And then said let's go in the back seat!

 

He kissed me and hugged me the whole time I was trying to tell him asking if I was okay... Being his usual sweet self...

 

BUT he was okay with it and still wanted to go in the back seat with me and kiss me and get close! I thought I would repulse him after I told him and he'd just go home, but no! It was like I hadn't even told him I have a STD! I was SO relieved!! I told him exactly this "The decision is yours, if you want time to think, take your time, if you run for the hills I'll completely understand, really I will" and you know what he said! I'm not running anywhere! Omg I was so happy to hear that I asked him if he was sure and he said "I'm sure baby" I wanted to cry!! But didn't lol I wanted to jump his bones! Haha but didn't do that either lol he even reassured me again when we were saying goodbye saying we're gonna be okay! Greatest part in that sentence "WE'RE" I am so happy !! Trying not to be too excited because maybe he'll change his mind but I don't think he will... It feels so good to have him know! And stick around! I mean even if he ends up deciding he doesn't want to risk it and we split at least my first telling experience was positive! Which will give me confidence for the next time, right!?

 

I don't usually write on forums and whatnot but I had to share because yesterday so many stories like mine gave me the courage to tell him. So I hope I have helped build more people's courage after you have read this and I wish you goodluck with ur experiences :D

Posted

Hello Marie.... WOW! You did awesome! Im very happy for you! You are one of the lucky ones that found a man who actually cares about you.... Every man i have had the talk with has rejected me on the spot. You go girl! He is a keeper! :-) Keep us posted!

Posted

Hi Marie,

congratulations girl, great work; not just the talk but the work you put into the research and sorting yourself out in advance. Let's hope he remains as positive about it as he sounds, so far he's been consistent. I wish you well, keep us posted. Thankyou for posting, we all need to hear as many successful disclosures stories as possible.

Posted

I'm so proud of you Marie! I love hearing all the excitement and enthusiasm! You did great! (Aside from assuring him that you'd totally understand if he ran for the hills, but that's another story and just plain nit-picky.) ;) The point is, you proved to yourself that the right kind of guy will not care about some simple STD. Herpes is only the ultimate barrier to love if you let it be. Way to follow through on your integrity and really show your true colors, Marie. Nicely done. Now soak it all up! Enjoy! :)

This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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Posted

Thank you everyone! Reading ur responses made me feel so good and really warmed my heart!! this forum is amazing... i cant believe i waited so long to join one like this! lol And Lisa I'm so sorry to hear that but I know you will find a guy that accepts you for you with or without herpes, those other men weren't even worth ur time if they didn't wanna stick around. UPDATE: lol I just got a text from my guy saying he might come see me again tonight!!! We went out Friday night he came over Saturday to see me then we went out again last night... I tell him and now he's texting that he wants to see me again! 4th night in a row and after I told him about my std! Wow, this guy must really like me right?? Lol I mean he isn't coming for sex but to come be with me and spend time, I'm in aw right now!

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Posted

That is awesome news!!! I recently told the guy im dating about my herpes... hes a little apprehensive and I'm praying he will come around, cause we get along SO great, I still have hope things will be OK. But reading your story is inspiring and gives me lots of hope! =) Thank you for posting!!!!

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