realizations.

[DecievedAndDealing]

So I found out just over a month ago I have H however I contracted it sometime in January or February. My first outbreak lasted about 2 and a half weeks and was pure misery. Since then I've had 3 other mini outbreaks, nothing crazy just annoying. I took Valtrex for all my outbreaks but recently ran out. My doctor decided to put me on suppressive therapy today so I will start that tomorrow. I was feeling pretty optimistic about everything in spite of dealing with sensitivity and constant itching but then....I went on a date. Man oh man that knocked my confidence right out the door. When I found out I had H I spent very little time letting myself feel any less beautiful or desirable. I'm discovering that belief is much easier when you're not dating. I can't help but feel like I come with a ton of baggage for a 22 year old. I guess I just had the realization that I'm not as OK with H as I thought I was.

[beachluvr]

@DecievedAndDealing I know how you feel. I was feeling the same way when I was first diagnosed back in December. I contracted it in October; this was a Christmas gift from someone I dated..ugh. I felt hopeless, damaged, unloved, disgusted, etc. I'm 48 and dating is hard enough these days to find a good man let alone without having to worry about dropping the H bomb on someone you meet and like. What helped me was getting on this site. Listening to the stories, getting support from others, watching the videos from Adrial and Dr. Leone and learning about H. I've read two books and I think the knowing and understanding the do's and don'ts of H has helped me a lot. Yes, it's a "lil monster" we will never get rid of (hopefully one day there will be a cure) but that doesn't mean we give up being who we are. Just because we have a skin condition doesn't mean we are not loveable, caring, fun, good people. We are just people with another flaw..no one is perfect. My outlook has changed a lot with regards to this virus and I'm not going to let it stop me from living life, meeting people, smiling, laughing, spending time with friends, and being ME. I've accepted it and come to terms with it. I take daily suppressive meds, vitamins, eat better and my OBs are only one small bump once in a while (HSV2). Learn what you can about it, ask questions on here, get whatever support you need to help you get to a point where you can understand and accept it. H is a gift that none of us wanted but life is a gift that we need to enjoy, share, live, and experience. Don't let H take that away.

 

Hugs

[Kanoa]

It's kinda crazy how something as simple as "going on a date" can make all of our insecurities come raging out :) I had the same thing happen a couple months ago so would just encourage you to be patient with yourself... date, don't date... doesn't really matter as long as you're doing what YOU want to do and what you feel comfortable with. There's no rush. As far as the baggage thing -- everybody's got a past. Everybody tends to think their past is a huge deal, no matter what it is. So your past may seem like a "huge" deal to some people, but to others (probably to most) it won't seem like that big of a deal at all. Remember that. There's no way to tell what someone's past is by simply looking at them, so you might look at a guy and think that he's got it all together and would reject you because of your past, but he could be thinking that his baggage is just as heavy as you are perceiving yours to be. Also, this is a great time to get to the "root" of what is causing these insecurities and deal with them once and for all... in my case, getting herpes magnified the (already significant) insecurities that were already there and has forced me to deal with them (which is definitely an ongoing process). Try to see this as a positive... you're going to come out on the other side even stronger (and thus more attractive) than you were before, even if in the middle of it all sometimes it seems like you can't see anything past the crazy (and negative) emotions of the present. Let yourself feel, let yourself grieve, but be kind to yourself and remember that herpes doesn't define you (unless you let it) and is only as big of a deal as you give it permission to be... and, life does and will go on.

[WCSDancer2010]

@DecievedAndDealing

 

I just had the realization that I'm not as OK with H as I thought I was.

 

This is so common - not just with H, but with ANY traumatic issue in our lives. I dated 2 guys in a row who were convinced they were over their ex's who were really rebounding and not ready to move on. I myself had a really upsetting breakup (nothing to do with H) many years ago and it took me a year to be able to date without feeling creeped out....which was so totally NOT me.

 

As @Kanoa said ... be gentle with yourself. Try dating..if it's not working, date YOURSELF for awhile. She pretty much said everything I would have said .... so go back and re-read it to save me typing it all out again...LOL ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

[DecievedAndDealing]

I appreciate everyone's input and support! I'm looking forward to the day when I don't feel like I've got a suitcase chained to my foot. I took the summer off from school to focus on healing and dealing with things. I'll be starting therapy soon, but will keep you all posted as I'm sure summer will bring many stories.