Genital HSV 1...now what...?

[lm44]

Hi there. I posted about a week ago at the end of my first outbreak. Although I have felt very supported and loved by those I've told I can't shake this feeling of sadness and unworthiness and unloveable-ness. This forum has really helped me to see that no, it's not the end of the world. I guess I just have to find my own way to really believe that right? I've cried every night since I first went to the gyno with my symptoms. I also suffer from depressive episodes and generalized anxiety disorder so this is really hitting me hard given my mental health concerns. I'm so lucky to have such an amazing and supportive gyno though! Definitely counting my blessings there and I am so sorry to all those here that have had the worst experiences with there own doctors...for real though, they need to discuss the idea of empathy in these friggin medical schools and hospitals! I guess I am just very scared and unsure of where to go from here. Perhaps I should see this as a silver lining somehow...maybe it will make my relationships from this point forward more about finding that intimate connection on a personal level rather than jumping right into it with sex. Maybe it's a sign I should be concentrating on myself more. Now I'm just simply rambling, but I am so thankful to have a space to ramble to. So thank you all for listening. Eventually, I hope and know, I will get to a place where I won't let H define me, it's just simply something I have and live with, but that doesn't mean it controls my life and overall happiness. <3 L

[mr_hopp]

Hi there Im44,

 

It feels like you're on the right track to me, for what it's worth. :) There is no silver bullet for the healing journey. Just like there is no teleportation device to get us from the beginning of a path to the end. Sometimes you just gotta walk it. But that doesn't mean that you don't get to still enjoy the view.

 

Everything you say you're going through is common. You read it all the time on these boards. It's the human experience. And hearing that doesn't make it hurt any less, I know. It feels quite different when you're the one experiencing it. It's not about forcing a silver lining, but being kind and gentle with yourself even as you're feeling whatever you're feeling; that's what moves you through it and has the silver lining emerge. Being with what is. Feeling it. Not numbing out to it. That's the practice. That's the healing. And trust me, it's an ongoing practice (whether you have herpes or not). ;) When we can feel what there is to feel without judgment, that's when we're in the flow of life.

 

Here's a fascinating video that will flip your whole idea on how you might be seeing depression. It's been one of my favorites for a while. I hope it helps you how it helped me. You can see depression as a natural phenomenon that is getting us to be alone with our pain, so that we can actually experience it. Suffering comes from avoiding pain. But pain is a natural part of being alive.

http://www.interchangecounseling.com/blog/depression-as-a-path-to-liberation/

 

Much love to you in your healing journey. Big, big community hugs. We're all here for you. And you got this. ;)

[WCSDancer2010]

@Im44

 

Adrial's right... sometimes you just have to get through the journey to get to a better destination .. even tho you know there will be speed bumps, road blocks, traffic, and a few detours along the way. ;)

 

H can act as a magnifying glass on feelings that you have stuffed down in the past ... and it won't let you stuff them down any more... That's one of the "opportunities" of Herpes .. facing and clearing all the stuff that is holding you back. ;)

 

Sounds like you have the right attitude..... come here to vent any time you need to. We're here for you :)

[lm44]

@adrial

Thank you so much for the video, it was really moving and helpful to give me a new perspective on depression symptoms. Thank you so much for creating this space, it really is amazing to have a support system like this.

 

@dancer

You're inspiring & I appreciate your feedback so so so so much. You are right, H is an opportunity to deal my "shit" so to speak that I haven't for so long. (Sorry for the cursing)