Ashamed feel like a leper

[Andromeda]

Got H from a guy I'm seeing and I am miserable and depressed like I can never date again. I do not sleep around I keep long relationships. I feel like I don't like the guy I'm seeing and that makes me sick as I don't think I want to be with anyone I'm so ashamed. How can I get over this how can my sex life be normal if ever again. :(

[Scared4this]

Hi Andromeda , how u feel is normal and if u read the posts and stories.... Everyone pulls thru but one day at a time pace. I am new to this so certainly can relate. Herpes has nothing to do with sleeping around ( as dancer often said, it's a. Equal opportunity condition) .

Can I ask how u were diagnosed ? How do you know the guy u were seeing gave it to you ? Are you hsv 1 or hsv2 or both?

I am not sure how to get back to normal myself but I have faith whatever the outcome might be will be. Sometimes life throw us a curve ball then it's up to us to learn to catch it. I keep telling myself that there are so many other things that could be worst ( right now it feels like the end of world) such as cancer, losing your limbs , having life threatening diseases like MS , etc.

I once read that when a group of people come together with their issues, all of them walked away keeping their own issue bc grass is not greener on the otherside!

You came to the right place for support and this is the first step for being positive.

I made some really serious mistakes ( hance why i am where I am) but as long as I learned from them and not make them again would be a good lesson in life. Life sometimes is a gamble....

Keep stopping by and read the wonderful resources that the site has to offer. You can reduce the transmission rate down to 2% with condom and meds.

I am sure dancer will have much better encouragement words for u than me but just to let u know.... U r not alone and def NOT a leper of any sort. I will pray for u and God bless, S

[Andromeda]

I have not been tested or diagnosed... I know I have type 2 as I researched massively after noticing a small soar... Then I had ALL of the symptoms :(. He told me he had it I just didn't know how serious it was (I was not educated and I know that's my responsibility to be educated). He was not responsible enough to wear protection to keep from spreading it. I'm really disappointed in myself and so ashamed, embarrassed, humiliated by this. I'm a real big health nut and after reading all these things that I am going to be more susceptible to... It's got me super paranoid that I'm going to get some terminal illness just from having H. I have not told anybody... no one in my family and I would be horrified to tell the doctor. I did tell him and he said yeah that sucks but.... Which just enraged me even more. Ugggh the worry the anxiety I am just horrified and extremely saddened :(. Thank you for your reply it is greatly appreciated :)

[Andromeda]

*correction... He was not responsible enough to wear a condom. I have also not told anybody no one in my family and I would be horrified to tell the doctor. I did tell him and he said yeah that sucks but.... Which just enraged me even more

[seeker]

you are not a leper, you have a rash that sometimes rears its ugly head. I understand how you feel., im only 2 weeks from my lab results. The best thing I did was disclose to an old friend, he smacked me upside the head said " guess what everyone has shit to deal with and a couple people we know have had this for years. its no big deal. Yea you may have to be a bit more picky about who and how fast you sleep with someone but that's probably a good thing" He has battled cancer 2x so it helped put all this in perspective, not that I don't still get freaked out or want to cry or lament my past life but I feel so much better today than I did a week ago. you will move thru this. heck Im beginning to think helping other people thru it helps me. also there are meetup groups for this, they are private and pass coded but they help to normalize all this.

[myfiercecalm]

Hi there! I am 4 months into this myself, but I know how you're feeling, I was there not so long ago.

 

First, I want you stop reading this and click this video right now:

 

The Herpes Facts video is a great intro/overview and also quite inspiring I thought. Please watch it, or at least watch it from 5:37 in. That part made me feel like I wasn't alone for the first time since I found out.

 

After that, I watched this one for more hard facts. Some of that is a little dated now as it is over a year old, but still a lot of good tips/info.

 

Finally, watch what happens when Cicily comes out of the closet: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMiC6shObs8

 

"He told me he had it I just didn't know how serious it was (I was not educated and I know that's my responsibility to be educated). He was not responsible enough to wear protection to keep from spreading it."

-The girl I *believe* gave it to me was similar. She didn't know she had it, but her last partner did. She didn't realize H can take up to 6 months to show anitbodies and that you can pass it even if you use a condom. She didn't want to use protection after our first few times. And she was a veterinarian to boot. FML right? :P

 

"I'm really disappointed in myself and so ashamed, embarrassed, humiliated by this. I'm a real big health nut and after reading all these things that I am going to be more susceptible to... It's got me super paranoid that I'm going to get some terminal illness just from having H."

-I was worried about this too, but you just need to be smart about when you have sex and who you are with (like we all need to do regardless of H+ or H- status anyway, nothing has changed here). I'm also a health nut and H definitely upset my crazy hypochondria-infested head. Yeah it sucks, but there are so many worse things that could have happened. I re-framed my thinking around it like it might be a sign from the universe to be careful and avoid things like HIV and other STDs in the future. What if we got HSV so we would be more careful and live longer as a result? That's totally possible and not the worst thing in the world :) Also, H is equal opportunity. You could have just as easily gotten it from some dude who said he had been tested and didn't have it. Guess what, if he didn't ask for a Herpes-specific blood test, they didn't test him for herpes (yeah, that complaining everyone does about how broken medicine is in America, totally true). AND even if he tested negative for it, he could still have it and the antibodies just hadn't developed yet. H is a crazy virus, that's how it's survived for thousands of years and why 1 in 5 people in this country have it.

 

You are not a leper, you are a beautiful, vibrant young woman (I can tell, you put your picture up :) ) with your whole life ahead of you and just as many options and choices as you had before H. Nothing has to change because of this. You get to choose what you change if anything because of this.

[WCSDancer2010]

@Andromeda

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

I hope you can see from the responses above that your life is FAR from over and that many wonderful, beautiful people have Herpes so you are FAR from alone in this.

 

First piece of advice. Go get tested. If you have an active OB right now then get it swabbed. If not, you may have to wait for a blood test. But you will want to know for future partnerships which one you have, because you may well have HSV1 from oral sex (or your BF could have had HSV1 from same and passed it to you. Genital herpes is not only HSV2 .... fully half of all new Genital herpes cases are from HSV1.

 

I also suggest that you study the handouts and ebook that you can get here:

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

AND, print it out for your partner so he can get properly educated. Sounds like you may not be with him much longer in which case you will at least be able to help him learn how to be more careful in the future. Sadly many people are led to believe by their doctors (PCP's are often horrendously behind on their info) that they can't pass it without an OB so they don't use protection. So likely he was just ignorant ... the vast majority of new cases are from people who are uninformed/misinformed or don't know they have it.

 

I'm a real big health nut and after reading all these things that I am going to be more susceptible to... It's got me super paranoid that I'm going to get some terminal illness just from having H.

 

So what are all the things you think you may be susceptible to now? Because the one that is known is HIV - simply because you have the chance of having an open sore ... but that is more likely to be an issue with someone who has internal OB's (in the vagina) than those with external OB's. There is *some* talk about the possibility of Alzheimers/Parkinsons/etc... but given that 80% of the population has HV1 and 15-20% has HSV2, I'm not sure that the correlation that those with H are more likely to have those conditions is etched in stone just yet. AND, there are so many other factors that are coming out about the possible causes of Alzheimers and Parkinsons that I'm not worrying about either just yet. The best thing you can do for both is keep physically and mentally active which makes for more nerve pathways in the brain and thus buys you more time if you happen to get diagnosed with either of them.

 

Sorry your Dr wasn't more empathetic but you have to realize that to THEM, there are FAR worse things to deal with...to them Herpes is just a nuisance skin condition in a really inconvenient place ... they deal with Cancer and mental health issues and sooooo many far worse conditions that to them, it's no biggie.

 

Read all you can here - ask anything you need answers to but first, look at the FAQs, the links you've been given, and any discussions that you think may relate to you, because 99% of the questions answered every day here have been answered many times already!

 

FAQs:

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1758/frequently-asked-questions-on-herpes-and-popular-conversations

 

(((HUGS)))

 

 

 

[Peggy]

Hi you sound like you are going through all the normal things that occur when we find out we have herpes...I know you don't know me....but herpes does not define you at first it is totally devastating. I found out I had HSV 1 and 2 15 months ago, my life was basically shattered. Then I thought well am I done living? do I deserve to be judged? Will people think I'm disgusting?....guess what none of the above. It is so human to have these feelings but they just are not true. You are worthy of love and an amazing full life.

Remember this is just a skin virus if it was on your knee who would care? Its the stigma and the stigma is a lie. Just take this day by day and the people that really care will be there to support you. You deserve a wonderful life. I would love to talk if you need a friend. Be good to yourself!

Peggy

[Unbroken]

"Remember this is just a skin virus if it was on your knee who would care? Its the stigma and the stigma is a lie. " - So true Noel. How many people have "the talk" about cold sores? Nobody. It's a stupid sexual stigma plain and simple. Andro - we all freak out in our own unique way at first, just hang in there. Use the site A LOT. It's full of wonderful info. You got this.