Is it too soon to have another pity party?

[whitedaisies]

So just when I think it can't get worse, it does.

 

I really takes 2 steps forward and 3 steps back.

 

Looks like even though my dermatologist said bumps are not herpetic but likely foliculotis or eczema that causes bumps which is very possible. I am deciding this time to believe her bc she was adamant but of course no fresh bumps when I went to see her. Only one tiny one

 

Still being shunned by the siblings. Looks like I won't be seeing my nieces and nephews grow up and I have been asked by my parents to be empathetic towards them. Still they think herpes can be passed by a kiss on the cheek without a sore ho humm

 

Old boyfriend decided to txt me out of the blue after 3 weeks of no communication just as I was getting over him. Got me crying gain just from a hey how r ya. Oops gotta run.

 

New friend of mine is lovely and let me hug him for 15 minutes last week. He didn't let go. He let me hug him as long as I wanted. It was te first hug for 8 months. Still the relationship which it's not....is going nowhere but I allowed myself to feel comfort as I have been treading water for some time now and I am tired. Still paranoid I somehow gave him h1 either orally or genitwlly even though we haven't had sex. I have an disclosed To him i have an Undiagnosed illness that has affected my nerves all over which is true but I still feel guilty. None of the umpteen dr believe I have ghsv1 so I let myself believe it so I could feel some sweetness and comfort from this man as I am only human. Will have to end things soon as it is wrong to be with him bc I need comfort but no strong enuff yet.

I have 2 more weeks til my specialist follow up and I am losing it bc I am assuming I will get a definite diagnosis then.

 

Got the conference that I am looking forwar to but I am sooo broken. I don't even think I could sit there listening.

 

I have daily prodomes for 9 months or that is what I think they are. I am tired.

 

I am sorry I am trying to be there for everyone but today I need you all to be there for me please.

 

I am financially strapped bc of all the therapy and Meds.

 

The week on the beach after conference seems scary to me now. I will be lonely and sad.

 

Very bad day today.

 

I know this sounds pathetic. I am sorry.

 

Xoxoxoxoxox

[WCSDancer2010]

Awwww - (((HUGS))) friend.

 

I was on the team call for the H Opp weekend. No matter what your status, I think it will be the perfect place for you right now. Being scared right before these things is VERY common ... because you will be challenged in ways that you can't imagine and you will come out the other side with tools and new thoughts and ideas that you can't imagine will be possible right now.

 

 

[whitedaisies]

I hate when I take steps back. I have made such progress and then I get so mad when I have a bad day.

 

I hope it doesn't show people on here that my advice is full of shit. It's not.... all my advice comes from love and a genuine need to help people and connect with others.

 

I guess even I can allow myself to have a bad day. Can't I?

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

Honey - we ALL have bad days - even the Forum Mom ... mine is just in other areas ;)

 

I'm fine with Herpes ... I just SUCK at dating...LOL

[whitedaisies]

Lol

 

Dating I think sucks for everyone!!! Don't think you are any different.

 

Genuine authentic people hae a hard time in the game playing asked by some.

 

Pisses me off to no end tht u are struggling with it!!! What kind of idiots cannot recognize your awesomeness!!!!! Look under every rock and kiss every frog. He's got to be somewhere!!!!

 

Xoxoxoxoxox

[mr_hopp]

whitedaisies, I'm continually impressed by how much you've been showing up in our community. Not just with advice and the words, but with heart. That's the most powerful gift you can continue to give of yourself.

 

That, and your authenticity, your vulnerability, your unique you-ness. ;)

 

Just because you struggle, or doubt yourself, or take steps back doesn't mean you're full of shit; it means you're human.

 

The people I trust most are those who are willing to admit their failures, who are humble, who talk about having rough days. It's authentic. It's real. Life is full of ups and balanced in equal parts by downs. It's the ebb and flow of life. You are perfectly within your rights to have bad days. I just feel protective over you judging yourself as if this isn't okay. I want you to treat yourself with the same respect, love, spaciousness and acceptance that you would show to any other person struggling in our community.

 

And yes, the weekend will be the perfect thing for you right now. Show up exactly as you are. You will be accepted and held. I'm looking forward to you getting just what you need for your healing process.

[whitedaisies]

Thanks Adrial...was just coming back to delete my post....LOL....nice to see you!!!!

 

Too many things are hitting me at once...it is overwhelming. Therapy is tomorrow THANK GOD!!!!

 

Looking forward to lots of hugs...maybe just want those all week-end from whoever will give them!

 

I will keep my post on I guess. May help someone. Hope it doesn't hinder anyone. I find purpose helping people....

 

I like coming on here...most authentic friends I got ;)

 

xoxoxoxox

[WCSDancer2010]

Seeing someone who helps so much, struggling themselves, helps others to realize that it's normal, and totally OK to have a bad day. So please don't delete it --- I bet there are tons of people lurking who are thinking .. "Gee, I guess it's OK to have a Pity Party sometimes ... I'm not that different/bad after all"

 

:)

 

[whitedaisies]

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[WhoopsiDaysi]

Ms. Daisy,

 

We all have days where we struggle and feel like we are one step forward and 10 steps back. It's part of the human experience my dear. Thank you for sharing your struggles and being vulnerable and authentic. It's great for others to see that everyone struggles, even the ones who are giving the help and support. Sweetie, you are just where you need to be. You are reaching out and letting others support you which, as you know yourself, is a gift to those who get to support you as you support them. Hang in there. It will get better and we are all sending love and hugs your way!

 

Hugs,

 

Brenda xoox

[whitedaisies]

Thx Brenda.

[WCSDancer2010]

You know, that saying ...

 

It is better to give than to receive ??

 

Well, perhaps. BUT, that doesn't mean you NEVER receive. People who always give, give, give are actually job security for ME ... because they wear themselves out and then they have nothing left to give. I see it in my office every day :(

 

So good for you for coming here to replenish your soul with the love and support that we have here... because we need people like you to be there when the total newbies come in here scared, depressed, anxious, and convinced their lives are over. Because you will be in a better place to help them when they need it most..

 

(((HUGS)))

[whitedaisies]

Ah u found me out....total giver!!!!

 

Learning to replenish. Actually it is a HUGE step for me to post my sadness on here especially when I am seen as a helper or support person

 

Really a huge leap. I never or rarely ask for help. Especially emotional help.

 

 

[whitedaisies]

Feelin better today thanks dancer and Adrial and Brenda.

 

Bad day gone (ok 2 days) and hopefully it's up from here.

 

See y'all Friday!!!