having a hard time

[seeker]

well its Monday morning, yuck. I didn't sleep very well. something was up with my hand and of course it was herpes in my mind. I have my son tonight and ive been into an OB for a week or so plus what I thought may had been an OB @ 2 weeks ago. most of the bumps have gone but a new one appeared and an existing hardened cyst is blowing up like another one did. this cyst has been there for 3 weeks minimum and it looks just like one I had before. im tired, im sad and im over it right now. I almost want to start suppressive just to have less to deal with. my life is constant stress. I almost broke down this morning. I usually just put my head down and plod along but I am having a hard time with that right now. plus seeing all the couples out yesterday while I watched football didn't help. as much as I feel for all the women on here who worry about meeting someone while having H, at least you don't have to be the one who approaches , yet another level of possible rejection. its hard enough when not dealing with H but it seems almost impossible now. im tired and down.

[FF1]

 

Hi Seeker,

 

I think we all have moments like the one you are going through; the kind of moment where you wish life was a video tape that you could rewind and re-record, undoing what put us in this situation.

 

I've only been here a few days and already I am finding comfort being here with others in my situation. For me, it isn't comfort in a "misery loves company" mentality. It is in knowing that I'm not alone in my situation. After almost 30 years of dealing with it by myself, it is nice to have others to lean on from time to time.

 

Just know you're not alone.

 

FF1

[WCSDancer2010]

@Inka

 

Heck, if someone rejects me because I have herpes and chooses to ignore the fact that I am intelligent, hard-working, I volunteer, I am almost done my university degree, athletic, honest, kind, loving, etc (not to brag..) then IT IS THEIR LOSS!

 

Can I get an AMEN over here???

 

@seeker ...

 

I can tell by all your posts that you will make some woman VERY happy some day ... but you have got to stop beating on yourself for not having everything that you *think* you need to attract a woman (as per previous posts).... that kind of "stinkin thinki" (as @Adrial calls it!) is FAR more of a turn-off than the reality (or not ... we usually see ourselves as "less than" what others see in us... it's human nature!) of your looks, financial situation, job, whatever.

 

You have sooo much compassion for others. Do you know how HOT that is to a woman??? You give such great support and advice on here. It's so rare to find a man with that quality. Honestly.

 

If you need to start Suppressive Therapy for awhile, do it! I'm an anti-medication person but I went through a spell where life was hurling lemons at me faster than I could catch them to make Lemonade and I was getting hit by far too many of them, so I finally gave in and went on anti-depressants for about 6 months or so ... just long enough to catch my breathe and so I could go out and buy some mixers for some kick-assed Lemon Drop Pitchers..... modern medicine is a great thing when used in moderation to help you get back on your feet. Don't avoid them just to "tough it out". Noone here will tell and you will be able to catch your breathe and see things in a better light ;)

 

BTW, I broke it off with the guy I've been seeing last night ... my deal breaker with him was that he would only text and would disappear while in communication and leave me hanging ... and *I* was the one doing most of the initiating. He has lots of "reasons" for this poor behavior ... a teen who occasionally does what teens do and gets in trouble and scares the crap outta Dad (I have the greys to prove I have been through that!), a not-friendly divorce, and he's a recovering alcoholic. He has the *potential* to be a great guy but he is letting the demon in his head run the show and I think he's not ready to date in the way *I* want to be dated. So my Monday isn't so hot either. I'm sad, I need a good cry and dammit, I will have it when it finally rises to the top, and then I'm getting up and moving on. It sucks but depression sucks more and I refuse to go there again .... I've gotten better at ducking and I have a faster juicer now so BRING IT ON LIFE!!!!

 

(((HUGS))) friend!

[seeker]

thanks all. its better now. my boy is playing minecraft behind me with one of his buddies. ive had some pizza, MMMMM pizzaaaa. and yes dancer, I decided to go episodic at this time and its funny, I feel better. I felt better within a few hours. not sure if its the ole get them afore they get me thing or the meds themselves or a placebo affect but I seem to feel in general better tonight. I wasn't really lamenting the whole relationship thing itself. im ok with being alone for a bit, ive got stuff to think about. it was that whole other level of potential rejection that being a male and in general the instigator that was bothering me. sorry to hear your Monday was, well a Monday also, viva la Garfield!.

[whitedaisies]

Glad you are back on track!

[willow]

Ok... i just ate dinner... but all i van think about is pizza and zelda...