An honest question for everyone....

[ann122]

I was diagnosed 8 months ago with genital hsv1. I'm love being healthy and in control of my body and ever since this diagnosis I have been so depressed. I feel out of control of my body, as outbreaks can supposedly just happen randomly. I take suppressive meds daily...which I hate. I hate taking medicine I don't need to take. I hate my body now and what its capable of doing to someone else. I hate the way I feel and I hate that I feel this way and can't ever talk to anyone about it. Anyone else go through this? I feel like everything I had before has just been taken away from me. Dramatic? Yes. But it's been 8 months and I still can't get over it. I'm only 23 and really don't wanna spend all my time despising myself like this. Help?

[Theo1824]

First, you don't have to take meds daily. You could just start them if you feel an OB coming on. At least that's what I gather.

 

And I don't know how to help you with the emotions. Only three weeks in, but I'm in the exact spot you are. How it gets easier, I don't know :(

[ann122]

I have a boyfriend who I don't want to pass it to. Only reason why I take them....it sucks.

[Theo1824]

Hey! Think positive. At least your guy is sticking around and wants to be with you. That's great! I wish for that myself some day

[ann122]

I havent told him yet. He knows I tested positive for hsv1 but not that its genital rather than oral. Baby steps I guess with telling.....almost 90% sure I got it from him. He had what looked like a cold sore the day before I had my first outbreak and I havent been with anyone besides him in over a year.

[hope29]

Well h can lie dormant for so long that it may not have been the bf who gave it to you. If it was a cold sore on him chances are he has it but he should get tested.. if he does have it then you have no need to be taking suppresives. I haven't been diagnosed long but I have doNE more research than I ever should have. Get on a good diet I am taking a multi vitamin with immune boost & I take 1000 MG of lysine a day. Not religiously cuz my memory sucks but most people on here will tell you this helps keep the ob down not saying u will never have one again but it will help. You need to tell him everything you know keeping secrets won't do any good for your relationship.

[forgivenessandpeace]

Ann, time to change that record in your head! Hope29 is right that if he is also hsv1+ then you don't even need to take meds every day. Your feelings are normal but you can let them quiet down now.

 

I feel like everything I had before has just been taken away from me.

 

I've been to this place also. If you step back however, and look at it rationally, you'll notice you still have a LOT of great things.

[Bee2904]

I've been feeling the same exact way. I just found out last week and every so often it slips my mind and I'm back to feeling happy and normal. Then I remember this diagnosis and I feel this terrible feeling in my chest. I've heard two "jokes" about herpes this weekend and wow that hurts. It makes me feel like a leper or something. I find myself looking around and thinking how many people probably don't have herpes and I'm here carrying this virus and dark secret. I know more people have it than you think but it's just hard. My thoughts go out to you. You'll make it through...we all will. Gotta keep the hope alive or else it'll feel impossible. Thank god we have this forum to support one another. I could never do this alone.

[WCSDancer2010]

@ann122

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

First - your reaction is totally normal....and YOU have the power to change how you look at this.

 

Well, I'm a 35 year veteran of Herpes (I got it at age 17 from my first sexual experience) and I can tell you you CAN get beyond this. But you have to do a little work.

 

I hate the way I feel and I hate that I feel this way and can't ever talk to anyone about it.

 

Well, the thing is, 15-20% of your friends will have genital herpes, and 80% of your friends will have oral herpes. So saying you can't talk to anyone about it is unrealistic. The thing is, are you surrounded by people you can't trust with a confidence or who are judgmental? If so, why would you want to have those people around you??? So your first work is to look at who you have in your life who are not trustworthy and ask yourself if you REALLY want them in your life?

 

I hate taking medicine I don't need to take.

 

Well you both have HSV1 from the sounds of it so his risk of getting it genitally from you would be lower than normal anyhow. So your first thing here is to TALK to him and tell him that you got HSV1 from him .... and then discuss how HE feels about you being on the medication. Perhaps he will feel comfortable with you not being on the meds if he uses a condom. Your BF DESERVES to be part of this conversation, even though you got it from him. AND, he would be someone you could talk to about it which would help with your other dilemma ;)

 

I feel like everything I had before has just been taken away from me.

 

Yup - Dramatic is one word. ;)

 

Everything being taken away from you? Hows about dealing with Cancer? How's about losing a child to an accident? How's about living in a war-torn country? THAT is having "everything" taken from you ... or at least it's closer ... AND, people survive and learn to deal with those situations every day.

 

You have just allowed yourself to buy into the stigma. As I tell people all the time on here... Don't believe everything you think! ;) Herpes really is a nuisance skin condition in a really inconvenient place. The rest is what we make up in our heads and allow ourselves to buy into. Promise....

 

(((HUGS)))

[ann122]

@WCSDancer2010 thanks, that definitely helps. I'm so embarrassed to tell him, everytime I even think about I start crying so its hard. I know breaking down in front of him isn't going to make it any easier on him either i dont want to scare him away.

[WCSDancer2010]

Look - he likely knows "something" is wrong. Keeping it to yourself will just confuse him and make him wonder what *he* is doing OR if you are just plain crazy...LOL So get it done, rip the bandaid off and tell him. He needs to know at some point (Esp as he likely doesn't know he could spread it to another that way) so that if you are having an OB you dont have to come up with excuses.

 

And why should YOU feel embarrassed... YOU got it from HIM!!! ;)