How to tell past partners

[burnbrighter]

I've had two partners in the past year, I was tested last year and was clean and got tested this year and now have been diagnosed with HSV1 and HSV2. I live in a severely small town and the thought alone of having to tell them makes me sick to my stomach. I just need comfort, support, it's honestly paralyzing me. I know I need to tell them, but I don't want it to turn into who gave it to who and my name get smeared all over town. It's literally all I can think about since being informed yesterday. I couldn't sleep and when I could I woke up every couple of hours in a cold sweat. It's awful.

[WCSDancer2010]

As I said on your other post where you mention this, I would wait till you have conclusive results ... given that your results are still in the inconclusive range .... if/when the time comes, we'll help you through it :)

[FLNewH]

I would definitely wait until you know for sure - no need in opening that can of worms until you know for sure.

 

That said, I reached out to 3 past partners. One is out of state and I just could not get the courage up to call him and talk on the phone. So, I sent a text to him. His response was that shit happens and as long as he didn't have Ebola or HIV he would deal with whatever came his way (gotta know his sense of humor). The second one, I no longer had his contact info and did not know his address, but still had a way to reach him on FB - so I sent him a message. He thanked me for letting him know and said he was going to get tested. The third, I did not trust putting anything in writing for fear he would take a picture of the text and post it on FB or forward the text to whomever he wanted to. So, I texted him to please call me so I could talk to him about a new development. He refused, so I dropped it. Maybe not the right way to handle things, but I did what I felt I could. For the two that I was able to disclose to, I did not come across like I was blaming them. I just simply said I had found out that I was positive, that I didn't know how long I had it and that I felt it was the right thing to let them know and for their benefit and the benefit of whomever they were or will sleep with, to get tested themselves. I didn't overwhelm them with facts, but I did give them this sites link and also some basic facts, especially that 80% don't even know they have it. Both told me they would let me know their test results, but neither have and I haven't followed up.

[burnbrighter]

It's def comforting to hear that nobody really freaked out. It's such a scary thing to think about, and I have the same fear of if it's in writing it will be used against me. Thank you for sharing that def makes it a little less scary and it's nice to know that i'm not alone in thinking i should hold off.

[ivoryrain]

Wait until you know for sure. I come from a small town and was scared as well, especially because we have mutual friendsand know a lot of the same people obviously. If it's any consolation, mine were all extremely cool about it when I thought they wouldn't be. Think about it this way - they probably won't say anything to anyone because they know there is a stigma and won't want to risk being stigmatized as well...as terrible as that is. When you get your results, let us know and we'll be happy to help!

[burnbrighter]

it's so nice to hear that they were all cool about it, i honestly think being in such a small town has been scarier then that i could have it. i'll be sure to keep you guys updated. this website has literally become my saving grace! thanks again!