What are my chances that I have herpes?

[putivassa2863]

Hi,

 

I had a possible exposure over two months ago which has left me completely crushed - the works - self hate, depression, excessive drinking. I've finally gotten around to booking a checkup and will be getting tested tomorrow. I guess it's just a question of waiting now, but I'd like someone to reflect on my experience and perhaps try and ease my mind.

 

The exposure was drunk sex on a one night stand with a friend, and without a condom (oh, and how I hate myself for it). I didn't notice anything, but then again I can't really remember it. It must have lasted for about 10 minutes. The next day I noticed small painless bumps on the 'end' of my penis, close to the ridge. From memory, they seemed to be pearly but literally just washed off in the shower, leaving no soreness or scabs etc.

 

After two or three days of washing the painless/non-itchy blisters/spots away, they went for good and I haven't had them since (it's been about two months). However, I also had a solitary ingrown hair like spot towards the base of my penis, although I've had these every now and then before. It wasn't very big at all, but it didn't have a pearly tip like the other end-of-penis blisters, and went away after slightly longer (perhaps a week).

 

As I understand, the risk of getting Herpes off of a H+ person on a one night stand seems very low, even without a condom. Furthermore, the fact that there was no pain what so ever, and they simply washed off without leaving any sort of scab or itching, leaves me slightly hopeful that it was just some kind of bacterial or yeast infection.

 

At this point, if I was told I had syphilis or something else that is treatable, I'd probably cry tears of joy. I've been seeing a woman who means the world to me, and this would be a complete deal breaker and absolutely destroy me. I don't have any friends or family that I feel comfortable talking to about this, hence why I'm reaching out to you kind folks.

 

Thank-you very much, your input would be greatly appreciated.

[whitedaisies]

ok so herpes doesn't show up the next day from an encounter....according to Terri warren who is an expert on herpes at westover heights clinic, it typically shows between 2 or 10 days from exposure

 

I doubt u got herpes from this encounter

 

could u have already had herpes and was asymptomatic up until now....yes....in this case any blood tests would be positive

 

best to do a blood test for herpes 1 and 2. 2 months post exposure is somewhat accurate....but 4 and 6 months post exposure is conclusive

 

if u get any bumps again (honestly the others sound like foliculitis) then go to a planned parenthood and get them swabbed so u know for sure

 

doesn't sound like herpes to me...see what the others say

 

in addition condoms don't protect u 100 percent. so u may want to consider ur desire for one night stands. quite of few people on here got herpes while using a condom

 

best to ask ur future partners for blood tests before intercourse...u specifically need to ask for herpes as it is not automatically given when u ask for std tests

 

good luck

 

[sickoflifelessons]

A couple of questions:

 

1. Do you know the person you had the one night stand with had herpes?

2. If the girl you are seeing, who you say is your whole world, told you that she had genital herpes, would that be an "absolute deal breaker" for you?

 

What you are describing sounds like an obsession driven by guilt and regret. It doesn't sound like herpes. Like whitedaisies said, you can get a blood test at this point, to determine if you have the virus. It should be accurate by now, but if it is negative, you may want to be retested in two more months, to be sure.

 

I do understand what you're going through, and I think we all went through this panic mode when we were first diagnosed/expecting to be diagnosed. The thing is, everything in your post perpetuates the stigma. You are on a board, asking the advice and help of people who live with this condition, and you're describing it in the worst possible way. Syphilis - even when treated - can do more damage than herpes. And even if that is how you feel (to be fair, I'm sure that thought crossed my mind when I was diagnosed), isn't it rather insensitive to post that to a group of people who already have what you fear you have?

 

With all of the research that you've done, can't you see that it's really not a big deal for most people? That it's a very manageable condition and that many, many people are totally accepting of it?

 

Over the past few months since your possible exposure, has your health deteriorated in any way? Has anything other than these minor bumps (which I agree sound like folliculitis more than herpes) impacted your daily life? Or is it just the psychological torment of possibly having something socially taboo? It sounds like the last one, to me.

 

Again, I don't think that what you're describing sounds like herpes anyway, but if you DO have it, it's not the end of the world. You've already found a really supportive place. But if you *don't* have it, hopefully this scare will open your eyes to the reality of how benign this condition is, and how blown out of proportion the stigma surrounding it is.

 

For what it's worth, I got herpes after only a few times having sex with someone (and this was in a relationship where I waited a while to have sex with him, sigh), *with* a condom, and he wasn't showing any symptoms. So all the precautions whitedaisies mentioned are important going forward, regardless of what your test ends up showing.

 

(and, on the positive side, for what it's worth, I'm currently in a relationship with an H- person having the best sex of my life. So even if you do have it, life really does goes on).

[WCSDancer2010]

First @sickoflifelessons: Go easy on @putivassa2863 .. I agree it sounds like he's dealing with guilt and regret ... but look at how you felt before you had your diagnosis. Rational thinking often goes out the window when people hear the word "Herpes". Remember, we are a "Judgement-Free zone" here, ok? We accept people exactly where they are at the moment. ;)

 

So, @putivassa2863

 

I do agree, your odds of having got Herpes from this one interchange are pretty low... AND, you may well already be carrying at least one version of the virus. 80% of all adults have HSV1 ... usually orally. 15-20% ... or one in 5-6 of all people around you ... has genital herpes. So the odds are pretty high that you have come in contact with the virus at some point in your life ... and as @SOLL pointed out, condoms don't always protect you either...they only give about 50% on average ... if the person sheds from an area that isn't covered by the condom, the condom won't help you ....

 

Several thing that you need to look at here.

 

1) You need to forgive yourself... we are all human beings, being human. That means we fuck up sometimes. So be gentle on yourself, ok?

 

2) While you are waiting on your results, use this time to think about what is important to you... especially in relationships and in the area of sex. Take this lesson and learn from it and GROW from it. Stop with the anger and self loathing and start being empathetic with yourself... ;)

 

3) Odds are, with only 10 min exposure, you are ok ... the longer you have sex with someone with H the higher the risk ... both because of the time factor and the fact that you may well get a "rub" which creates an open highway which allows the virus in. But the risk was there. Have you thought to ask the person you were with if they have been tested (and point out to them that if they don't specifically ASK for it odds are they havn't been tested)... you may do them a favor by educating them and you would know if you got exposed at that time.

 

4) Your symptoms don't indicate Herpes ... but best to be sure.. only 2 months post exposure is a bit soon for testing .. 3-4 months is better ... but if you come back with a very low number that will be good news.... I would however retest at 4 months to be sure. If your number is high (over 3.5) odds are you have had it longer than 2 months but the numbers can be fickle so in the end you may never know :/

 

5) I've been seeing a woman who means the world to me, and this would be a complete deal breaker and absolutely destroy me.

 

Why would it be a complete deal breaker? You have bought into the stigma friend .... hook, line, and sinker. I strongly suggest that you look at the Success Stories on here ... we have well over 100 stories of people who have found love after Herpes ... the vast majority with someone who is H-. Yes, the thought of disclosure and possible "rejection" is scary, but I can tell you that most on here who have found love will tell you that the fact that H forces you to be vulnerable and put your trust in someone's hands helps to STRENGTHEN most relationships .... for the H- person, they often are honored that you have put your trust in them and that brings themm CLOSER to the H+ person. Herpes also forces us to go slower with a new relationship prospect, so we get to know THEM before we get all the hormones flowing (which often makes us stay in bad relationships!) So, IF you happen to be H+, don't do anything drastic in the relationship ... come on here... we'll help you through the disclosure process ;)

 

Check the Success Stories out and these links ... hopefully they will help you to BREATHE a little while you wait for your results ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

 

Herpes facts video

[sickoflifelessons]

So sorry, I did not mean to seem harsh. My tone was more intended to get across the message: "look at everyone on here who is living coping with herpes - even if you do have it, it's *really* not the end of the world!"

 

I was a wreck when I first got diagnosed, and also (nearly a full year later) earlier this week. I absolutely didn't mean to convey any resentment or judgement. I will be more careful to reread posts in the future.