how do I react to my herpes business being everyones gossip?

[welivestarz]

My ex bofriend & i were together for over a year and he knows about my herpes.. he always knew since the first time we've had sex.... today we had an argument about how he use to cheat on me...

So he got really smart & decided to tell every last one of his Facebook friends by putting up a status and tagging my name to it explaining to everyone that I have herpes... at first I really didn't care cause I've been a herpes patient for 3years and I'm not ashamed... but as soon as I saw everyone commenting mean things mad me feel a little shamed... what do I say? What do I do?

I thought we were adults...

[Sil88]

I can't say what I'd do on a public forum. What a scumbag, I'm sorry he's done that to you. I'd say stick to your guns, don't let the shame seek in. Take the moral high ground and hold on tight. Make a single reply that highlights your vulnerability, your sensibility about H and what an inconsiderate asshole he is (in a polite way), then don't look back.

[PositivelyBeautiful]

Wow... it always amazes me how disrespectful and inconsiderate some people can really be. Be grateful that you are not with this man anymore... correction, child. If I were you, I would take the high road. I wouldn't comment on his post, but create my own, that is more along the lines of what others have done to 'come out'. Show your vulnerability and wear it proudly, and take the time to fully educate people on the misconceptions and realities of what herpes is and how many more people live with it than they think. This guy has given you an opportunity to break down some of the stigma, so don't fall victim to shame because that's exactly what he wants you to do. Stand strong, and open your heart up; all the love and support that will come from it will squash any negative repercussions he might have sought to inflect on to you. And maybe, just maybe, he will feel bad when he realizes that people will look badly on him for attempting to put you down for having a very common virus, once they understand what it's all about. You might want to mention the reason you're coming out (because someone did it for you already, that you are not ashamed by it, and that you want to take the opportunity to clarify and educate). No matter what you do, don't fall into his trap, don't allow your self-worth to be inflicted by his selfishness and lack of compassion. You are not this virus, and anyone that is ignorant enough to not want learn about it, or find compassion, isn't worth having as a friend anyways. Hope this helps, stay positive.

[seeker]

While i agree with what pos said, part of me thinks a comment along the lines of " my H sure didnt bother you when we were having sex" is in the back of my mind.

Also, doesnt it kind of " throw him under the bus" to make an issue of this? If he is trying to use the stigma against someone.

[WCSDancer2010]

@welivestarz

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

Well, first... sorry that you had to learn just ow much a jerk your ex REALLY is this way.... but look at it this way. He just showed is TRUE colors. To EVERYONE. And you will find out who your TRUE friends are now because those who tell him he's an asshole for posting that are the people you want near you... those who make it into a joke or try to use it against you are not people you will want in your life anyway. So you will get a VERY quick view of who to delete from your friends list when this is all over.

 

So - right now you are at a crossroads. You can use this time to become Empowered, or to become a Victim. I think your tendancy (from what you wrote) will be to come out of this stronger and more beautiful to others.... and that with coming here you knew you just needed some help to do it. So here is my suggestion.

 

As @Positive said... you can use the examples of those of us who have come completely out on FB to write a full-on "Coming Out" post... start yours that seeing as you were outed by your ex, and the mis-informed and ugly comments made by people who think they *know* about Herpes, you figured that this was a great time to educate ALL of your friends (as well as those who you will be deleting from your friends list afterwards!) about the TRUTH about Herpes and STD's that has not been taught in school. Then go on with something that works for you... you can "steal" anything you want from my example if you wish to make it easier. What is interesting is that ALL of us who stood up and just "came out" have only received love and support. Which just shows you that your true friends will love you No.Matter.What. ;)

 

So check out the links below (including a few Ted Talks that may inspire you ;) ) and come on here if you want support while you write it ... we'll help you out with it. I would suggest that if you choose to do this that you do it quickly... and post the link right on his page as well. Stand up and be proud. In the end, HE will be the one who will end up on the bad end of things because once they read your reply, they will see what an ASS he is... and perhaps you will give someone who is hiding in the closet and living in shame something to see that they don't HAVE to be a victim ... and you will educate all the people you care about at the same time :)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Coming Out Posts

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1754/i039m-out-of-the-herpes-closet

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-thoughts-carrier/ My journey

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4983/awesome-disclosure-own-it

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5154/telling-everyone-i-have-hsv2

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5212/i-came-out

 

Ash Beckhams Closet Ted Talk

 

Kirsty Spraggon Ted Talk “You are only as Sick as Your Secrets

[MMissouri]

What a jerk, but honestly, he just exposed himself as a possible herpes carrier as well. He's been with you for a year? Don't you think some people will question if he's safe? Maybe it will bite him in the butt.. he deserves it.

 

I'm not "out". I would be horrified if someone did this to me. I can understand everyone's opinion that this is your chance to educate, but personally, I would sit back and wait to see what happens. I think that good respectful people would question you directly. Those are the ones I would educate. I also wouldn't post it to my wall unless I was ready. I kinda feel like he pushed you into a position and you feel you have to defend yourself. It's really no ones business but you and your partner.

 

Just my two cents.

[WCSDancer2010]

There's no one right way to deal with this ... my personal experience is that if you keep quiet, people will question your "guilt" or whatever. When you come out confidently and say "This is my truth and I'm ok with it" the vast majority of people will support you.

 

Bullies go after those they see to be weak. So whatever you do, stand strong and be proud and don't let ANY of the nastiness affect you because those people are just showing who THEY are .... so now you can remove them from your life and keep the ...er... "positive" people around you :)