I already hide everything... how do I not let HPV be another thing I hide?

[prettyuk22]

Hey,

I found out I had hpv2 a year ago, the ex boyfriend who gave it to me denies it and continues to have unprotected sex with lots of girls ( he's famous in the UK music scene). I haven't been able to tell ANYONE about it and have considered suicide because of having herpes and seeing no hope due to lingering depression. I could really use some hope.

I have some questions if anyone can help

1. Should I tell other girls that could have herpes through my ex to get tested even if he's not?

2. How do I manage my mental health alongside herpes? Seeing as I have an outbreak when I get stressed and low which is so often because of my depression and I get even sadder and lower during an outbreak because I feel worthless. ( I have been unable to access any mental health care )

3. I was intimate with someone ( no inter course) and they stopped speaking to me but now are fine with me although we haven't discussed why he stopped talking to me. If I ask him if he got herpes he will deny it regardless and if he hasn't he will tell everyone I have. What should I do?

4. My doctor treats me like dirt since I got HPV has offered no advice, refused to give me a repeat prescriptions or any preventative treatment. I'm unable to change doctors or afford medication online, whay should I do?

5. Previously I had a very good sex drive and was so happy and open about sex and would often give my friends advice about sexual confidence but now havnt been able to tell anyone about my HPV and there for haven't had intercourse since being diagnosed. #foreveralone.

 

If anyone has a device in which to travel back in time that would be really handy too. X

[Sil88]

Hi, nice to see another Brit here, I admit you've got me curious about who your ex is!

 

First off, when you say HPV, you mean HSV (herpes) right? HPV is something else.

 

1. In the UK you can only get tested if you have blisters so there's no point telling other girls he gets with.

 

2. Your GP can send you to mental support classes - either CBT or relaxation courses (I had symptoms that my GP put down to anxiety) Focussing on improving the rest of yourself will help reduce stress and distract your mind, if it's say a new hobby or studying something. It might sound daft, but listening to this:

with slow deep breathing and imagining being out in the sun can relax your mind.. Hot baths too. Gotta break that cycle you described.

 

3. If you didn't have intercourse, don't say anything. It's unlikely that you passed it on, though I don't know exactly what happened. You have to de-clutter your mind, and that one can probably go. I do think you should confide in a best friend or mum though. It releases some stress from keeping a secret.

 

4. Assuming its HSV, go to a local GUM clinic and they will give you valacyclovir. You might need to convince a doctor that the condition is real (go at the start of an OB) if you keep going for top-ups they will switch you onto suppressive daily tablets.

 

5. I hope you find your confidence again.. If a guy understands and accepts the condition, you can have all the sex you want again. You will probably feel closer to him for that reason, more motivation to satisfy him, and hey look - your libido is back.

 

No luck with the time machine, but I've thought the same thing myself. Hope some of this can help, and even if not, you've made a good choice and first step by registering here.

[WCSDancer2010]

@prettyuk22

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

So - unfortunately, the UK has the USA beat in the stupidity area surrounding HSV/Herpes (and @Sil88 is right - sounds like you have HSV ... not HPV ... HPV is the STD that causes warts, cancer, generally scares the shit out of people even when you don't get those strains). Because of budgetary concerns (*NOTE to my US friends who want a single payer system) their policy there is to not give antivirals out unless you have at least 6-8 OB's/yr and no testing unless you have symptoms.... (Ie: Single Payer isn't free ... you pay for it in your taxes ... AND you have less say in which treatments you get, and when you get them ... I know, I lived in the UK for 8 yrs :p )

 

The good news is that you WILL live and you CAN get past all this. I wouldn't confront the girls but I WOULD tell all my GF's that they need to get educated about STD's ... if you don't want to tell them your story, just say you have a friend who had a scare and you decided to do some research and you learned a lot about them that you didn't know before. Pay it forward.... ;)

 

Managing your mental health is a tricky one... and yet simple at the same time. You have to break the cycle ... and part of that is really getting it that this is just a nuisance skin condition in a really inconvenient place. Really get it that one in every 5 people around you has HSV2... so you know you are FAR from alone. Really get it that you CAN find love ... even with a H- person ... (read all the Success Stories that you can on here for inspiration :) ). I've had HSV1 orally since 4 and HSV2 genitally since 17 (first sexual experience .... and people wonder why I don't gamble!) and I

'm 53 now .. been married 20 yrs and divorced amicably (even though I gave it to him because I didn't know what my "rash" was)... and 2 three year relationships where I never passed it on. Had 2 beautiful daughters ... a great sex life and believe me, I've had FAR worse things come along to test me than H.

 

As for your dalliance - you didn't have intercourse ... so he should be fine. You aren't oozing Herpes out of every pore. Only in the area of your outbreaks and while you can shed asymptomatically in that area, you have to have some solid skin to skin contact and friction to pass it on.

 

Now - for the Dr. Why can't you change Dr's? Honey - my first OBYN (I had my kids in the UK) was a total jerk who convinced me to have an unnecessary cesaerean with my first child... they tried to tell me I couldn't change Dr's for my second child .. I refused to leave the office until they promised to make it happen ... and I got a new Dr who allowed me to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesaerean). You just have to stand up for yourself. It's your body.... don't let them tell you you can't change if the Dr is a jerk.

 

And finally - you MUST have a friend that you would confide in before H. Someone you trust with your secrets? Please - talk to them. you are NOT "forever alone". Alone is an illusion my friend. Please watch the videos below - you need to get it that by keeping this to yourself you perpetuate the stigma... FYI I'm 100% out and I have not had ONE person be ugly towards me.... AND if they were, I'm ok with it because I know that anyone who is a jerk because of this is just showing me their colors ... when someone's ugly towards you it's about them ... NOT you ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Kirsty Spraggon Ted Talk “You are only as Sick as Your Secrets

 

 

Shame

[prettyuk22]

Thank you so much for your comment and for replying so quickly you've made my day a bit easier. There's aren't any current free spaces at any of the doctors surgeries for about 5 miles around me as I'm on a waiting list. So maybe that's not a forever problem.

 

As far as confiding in people I rarely tell the whole truth, I'm used to just telling half the story. The person I tell my secrets to only knows half the story. My sister, she knows I've had suicidal thoughts but not that I've actually attempted suicide multiple times in the past. In the same way she knows I caught something because I was bed ridden and she came to look after me but I never told her what I had actually got. Even when I lived with her I could never tell her. She would know it was my fault. She doesn't know I can't have kids, I've only ever told boyfriends about this not my parents my sister or my friends (I tell her I never want kids and she tells me I'll change my mind when I'm older, even though she's the same age). Only a couple of my friends know I have a heart condition that could dramatically change my life expectancy.

I feel I'm very body confident but for some reason keep everything medical a private issue and have for most of my life. If I start to speak about HSV2* (my bad) I'm going to have to speak about my other health conditions at the same time and I don't feel I'm ready to tell the world about my gloomy death sentence.

I'm also very secretive about how many people I've slept with and how lonely I can get because I've completely shut down my love life but am someone who would love to be in love. With all these health problems why would anyone choose to be with me for life? Wouldn't they choose someone who could have kids and grow old with them and have unprotected sex?

[MMissouri]

It sounds to me as if you don't truly allow people to get to know you. If they only get bits and pieces of your life, how are they suppose to understand? You did the same thing in your post- you can't have kids? Have a heart condition? Death sentence? You just dropped some major issues but didn't really explain them. My advice would be to open up to someone, whether it be the forum, family member, a friend, or a counselor-AND be honest. No one can help you if they don't know what is going on.

 

Someone will choose to be with you for life because you are worth it.

 

Read the above line again. Read it over and over. Let it sink in. You said you've shut down but really want to be in love. Love involves vulnerability and being honest about who you are. Sharing yourself- the good and the bad. Think about that. Get comfortable with it. Practice it. I think that opening yourself up would do you a world of good.

 

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

Honey... you got a whole lot on your plate that you shouldn't be dealing with alone. But that means that you need to learn to be vulnerable ... and I'm guessing THAT is what is at the bottom of all this. And it has NOTHING to do with Herpes... Herpes just makes it a *little* harder because it's one more thing that has you believing that you can't find someone who will love YOU ... no matter what.

 

I think the videos I'm posting below will tell you more than I can in a few paragraphs here :)

 

If anyone had an excuse to feel unlovable, it's the 2 guys in the videos I'll post below ... you need to realize that we are ALL deserving of love ... and we ALL have something in a "closet" ... because as Ash Beckam says "A closet is just a difficult conversation that needs to be had" .. (video #3.) #4 is Kirsty Spraggon... You are only as sick as your secrets. The title says it all :) The last two are Brene Brown ... about Shame and Vulnerability ... please watch them all ... and I hope that they will help you to see that you don't have to carry this on your own. I would say that your sister is the best person to start with when you are ready to open up and tell someone EVERYTHING.... I hope you will honor her with knowing your "secrets" ...

 

(((HUGS)))

 

The Incredible Love Story of Nick Vujicic and His Wife.: http://youtu.be/s3QezBvN1BE

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3546/watch-this-now-the-prison-of-your-mind- Sean Stephenson Prison Ted Talk

 

Ash Beckhams Closet Ted Talk

 

Kirsty Spraggon Ted Talk “You are only as Sick as Your Secrets

 

Shame

 

Vulnerability

[seeker]

"I'm also very secretive about how many people I've slept with and how lonely I can get because I've completely shut down my love life but am someone who would love to be in love. With all these health problems why would anyone choose to be with me for life?

 

in a heartbeat. because your a worthy person. hell im a 50 y/o chubby guy and if a women aint into me then its her loss, booyaaa.