Being seeing someone for over a month now and I think he might have gotten herpes from me...

[Sayyywhatt]

Im totally freaking out. He just told me he has a blister today and asking me all questions. Ifeel so guilty and Iknow ikind of shouldn't because he knows Ihave it and that there's a chance he could catch it. Ididnt start feeling like ihad an OB till this morning icant tell if it is or just having too much sex. But now he's not talking to me and Ihave no clue how to react ihavnt had an OB in like a year and a half and I've only given it to one other person who knew ihad it and knew iwas in an OB and knew he was gonna catch it....what do ido?

[WCSDancer2010]

Well, if you had told him you had it and explained the risks to him, then you have to accept that he HE accepted the risk... and if he gets mad at you for getting it, well, sorry but that tells you he's an ass because a MAN would take responsibility for his decisions and any consequences that arise from them.

 

Look - none of us WANT to pass it on. And we all do what we can to protect our partners. Just like when you drive a car - it's assumed that the driver will be doing what they can to not get you all into an accident AND no matter what they do to "protect" you, you may still have an accident. It's called LIFE and if you are really "living it" you will have to assume that there are many things we engage in that have a risk of injury, disease, or death.

 

As for his reaction - well, you can't force him to talk to you. Give him space. He may just need to clear his head. Hate to put all men into a box but I've learned that oftentimes when the shit hits the fan, men need to retreat to their man-cave and regroup. The good ones will come out and apologize and try to get things back on track. The boys will try to blame everyone but themselves for their part in the issue (in this case, "saying" they are ok with your status and the risk, when in fact they just want to get in your pants enough to not care about the risk... ie they were more interested in getting INTO you, than they were into YOU).

 

So stop, BREATHE, and try to give him time to show who he is ... if he's a MAN or a BOY ... ok???

 

(((HUGS)))

[Sayyywhatt]

Ya he still won't talk toe he's super bitter and ice tried to appologize to him and talk to him and patch things up but nothing anymore so that's that im over it it's not entirely my fault he knew ihad it and knew he had a chance of catching it so it's not entirely my fault

[Anna01]

You have NO reason to apologize to him. You did nothing wrong here. You told him prior to sex. He made a decision and two adults decided to move forward. Hopefully he isn't that immature. He might just be trying to cope with it and process everything. So let him do just that and continue to do you! If he decides to behave in a mature manner, great. If not, good riddance. Please do not try to carry the weight of this on your shoulders ok. You were in the right :)

[2Legit2Quit]

@Sayyywhatt did you use condoms and do you take daily suppression?

[Sayyywhatt]

Idont do daily shores sang because Idont get OB anymore ihavnt had one in like almost two years and no wee didn't

[2Legit2Quit]

Oh.. Some people take it just to lower the risk of transmitting, despite not having symptoms. Might be something to think about in the future

[WCSDancer2010]

I dont do daily suppression because I dont get OB anymore i havnt had one in like almost two years and no we didn't

 

Well, you just had the lesson in asymptomatic shedding friend ... which likely you were not properly educated about ... so you still didn't know better and I would still say it's not your fault .... but in future, knowing that this happened, you may want to look at using anti-virals ... at least in the beginning until the guy is comfortable with knowing that it's definitely possible that you could be unwittingly shedding the virus at any time.

 

The vast majority of new cases are caught from someone who is shedding asymptomatically ... and it's easy to think you are ok if you are not having OB's ... and unfortunately we can't tell from one person to the next who will be shedding more when not having an OB. The longer you have this, the lower you are likely to shed, but the risk is always there. Any partner who is with you just plain needs to really *get* that ... just like every time you get in you car, there is about a 2% lifetime risk of getting killed, and you will never know when it's your turn to lose the crap shoot....but we still get in the car multiple times a week, if not every day, and drive with that risk.... ;)

[BrazilGuy]

Did you use condom?

[WCSDancer2010]

She said above that they didn't....

[hippyherpy]

If you aren't using condoms or surpressive medication, assume that the person is gong to get it instead of thinking they won't get it.

[BrazilGuy]

How come someone don't use a condom while having herpes.... sorry

[hippyherpy]

Because the risk is much lower if you don't have an out break. It even lower with meds.. so some people leave out condoms.

[Sayyywhatt]

He knew the risk of getting it igave him all the details and did his own research. He refuses to talk to me which is fine he's super bitter but he knew ihad it and knew he had a chance of getting it....idont have medicine cuz idont have health insurance and inever get outbreaks ithink I've had for sure 2 of them in 2 years.