Odds I give my new partner Genital HSV1? should I disclose

[Mani9783]

Hello everybody, I am in a new relationship with a great woman who I really care about at this point in my life and she has mentioned she gets cold sores when the weather changes from time to time. Is it safe to say that she has oral hsv1? My concern is if I should even disclose I have genital hsv1. What are the odds I can transmit the virus genitally?

 

I know this might be a moral question but at this point should I disclose? is there any studies where one partner doesn't pass on genital herpes to their oral positive hsv1 partner?

 

Thank you very much.

[Judith]

Hi Mani9783,

I guess you know the answer to your question already yourself :) Of course you will need to disclose to her. don't start a relationship with lies and secrets....the will bite you in the ass at one point :)

But there is one good news for both of you. The chance that a person with oral herpes 1 gets genital 1 is just by 2 percent. But there is a chance because I am the prove.

She was from beginning honest with you, so please do the same.

You care about her ...so tell her how much you care and like her and just be honest.

I am really sure ,if she care the same about you she will can live with this one or two percent risk to get genital HSV 1.

I wish you both the best. Keep us updated

Have a wonderful day ( hope its less rainy then Barcelona )

Big Hug

[Mani9783]

Thank you very much for the information I am for sure going to disclose. Wow I thought one couldn't pass it on since the virus forms anti-bodies but I guess I was wrong. How long did you have it before you got it genitally if you don't mind me asking? Thank you very much for your answer. I hope you have a great day. =)

[WCSDancer2010]

@Mani9783

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

@Judith is right - I think you really know the answer.

 

The good news is that as Judith said, your risk of passing it to her is quite small for 2 reasons - she already has the antibodies and H1 sheds a lot less in the genital region. So yes, the risk is low ... but there IS a risk and she should be made aware of it... I'm 100% behind the point that you don't want to start a relationship with "little white lies" ... I can tell you that for ME, if I find a person lying to me about small things, the first thing I wonder is "What else will they lie to me about?" ... and I'm more likely to pull back from a liar than from someone who is brutally honest with me.

 

So - print out the handouts (links below) so you can make sure she understands that you got Genital H1 from someone like her who had cold sores and didn't tell you ... that you appreciate that she told you about that and that you need to let her know that you have it too, just in a different place ... and that there is a SMALL risk she could get it there too (but the risk would be a LOT higher if she dates someone with HSV1 oral as it sheds there about 3x more than it does genitally) and that you will just have to find other ways to be intimate from time to time if you are having an OB.....

 

(((HUGS)))

 

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

 

Herpes facts video

 

 

 

 

[ann122]

@judith I have to ask, did you catch genital hsv1 when you already tested positive for antibodies? Or did you give it to someone else who had antibodies to it.....I get so scared of this happening to my boyfriend so I'd love to hear how that went for you just for some peace of mind :/

[whitedaisies]

There are differing opinions with disclosure of hsv1 and you have to choose what's right for you and what makes you comfortable and how you want your relationship with this person to be like.

 

Odds are about zero from top herpes medical experts someone w an establihed hsv1 infection orally could also get it genitally. I would say it also depends on how frequent your ob are. So medical experts opinion on disclosure varies. Medically you could get away with not disclosing about ghsv1 and just say u have hsv1 too. Doesn't mean it's the right thing to do though.

 

My opinion, if she had hsv1 already and u disclose, won't be a deal breaker for her. Seems to me that your partner was open with you and you may get major points (lol) for being open wih her too. It's a great way to win a girl by being vulnerable. The risk is tiny but by disclosing you are showing that care for your partner is important to you and what girl doesn't want a guy like that!?!

 

As for sex go forward, avoid sexy time during ur ob and dr don't even recommend antivirals if u both have the same virus. I take antivirals anyways as extra precaution because I want to do all I can to protect my partner.

 

I have ghsv1 and I have disclosed to my partner. He is unsure of his hasv1 status and doesn't care at all.

 

Good luck

[Judith]

Hi @ann122 well I had HSV 1 Oral since I am 8 so over 25 years. Yep I did have antibody's that for sure. but on the other hand I have to say that I have quite strong autoimmune disease which make me weaker then other people. As I said the chance to get it genital is super low....don't worry to much .

[WCSDancer2010]

Odds are about zero from top herpes medical experts someone w an establihed hsv1 infection orally could also get it genitally.

Good luck

 

Well we HAVE had a few people on here like @Judith who got HSV1 genitally after getting it orally ... my *guess* though is that they got it from oral sex, where the shedding is a lot higher and also soooo many people have oral HSV1 and don't know it .... and/or like Judith, there was something else compromising their immune system.

 

One of the big changes in "opinion" (because there are no studies to back it up) in the researchers is that HSV1 genitally rarely if ever seems to get passed on that way. Now, the only way to document that is to have discordant couples who are willing to only have oral sex or genital sex with their location of the H+ person being documented and see how many of their partners seroconvert to H1+ ... and I doubt anyone will volunteer for that any time soon ... but the thinking is that because it sheds less genitally, it won't pass on as easily.

 

But as for the OP, for *me* this is about being honest and transparent with someone you care about ... I know for *me* that honesty would go a LOOONG way even if the reality scared me at first ... and if I caught them out later, it could well spell the end of the relationship because to me that would be a huge breach of trust....

 

 

[whitedaisies]

Agreed.

 

Facts and data should be weighed with integrity and quality of relationship. In the end, it's our humanity that defines us Not medical science.

[Judith]

I can clear my case...I got it by genital not oral sex ...I am quit sure but who knows.

[fitgirl]

@Judith sorry if this was clarified on another thread but I was curious..... you have HSV1 both orally and genitally? How did you determine that? Did you get a swab on your genital OB?

[Judith]

yep have both. Had a blood test after one year of my first genital OB .Just done it because I wasn't sure if I had version 2 too. swab not needed. I get a lot of OB and that's 100 percent herpes. lucky me :)

 

[2Legit2Quit]

There is a gentlemen on here in fact, that got ghsv1 from having protected sex w a ghsv 1 female. His scrotum wasn't covered and that's where he got it.

 

Risk is low, but the risk is still there. Don't take someone's right to choose away. The psychological effects are devastating for people and for some such ad myself, the physical as well.

[Mani9783]

Thank you all for your personal opinions. I already disclosed and she said it was cool. She gets cold sores when the weather changes on her lips so I am imagining that is oral hsv1? She said we could do all the testing we want and I told her the risk was low. She suggested we can go talk to a professional so he can answer all of our questions. I just hope the risk is very low how they say lol. I don't want to give her this at all.

[whitedaisies]

Congrats!!!

 

My suggestion is to post in westover heights clinic website. A top herpes professional in the country will answer your questions. It's a big risk going to a doctor as most are very misinformed.

 

If you think about it if she was hsv 1 negative, her risk would be 1% with antivirals and condoms. Since she's positive it's likely between 0 an 1 %. Avoid outbreak times. There are no stats on the risk between two partners with hsv1 in different locations giving it to other locations on the other individual

 

Good luck and have fun!!

[WCSDancer2010]

Good for you! Glad you talked to her :)

 

First, I agree with @whitedaisies ... contact Westover Heights ... I'd call them actually and do a phone consult... I'll give you the info later ... because to be honest most Dr's are woefully misinformed.... they charge $5/minute so have your questions written down...

 

And I suggest that you both get tested for EVERYTHING first before you call so you know what you both have (make sure she ASKS for the herpes test) ..odds are she will come up HSV1+ because it sounds like she has the lesions which most people call cold sores ....so that would *reduce* her risk..... and WH can give you a better opinion on what tat risk would be than I can.

 

I am not on my regular computer now but I'll try to come on tomorrow to give you the WH info but you can google it if you like as well ...

 

(((HUGS)))