A successful herpes talk!!!

[Marie14]

I was recently diagnosed with HSV2 less than a year ago, and unfortunately I attempted to stay with the man who gave it to me because I was nervous to see how this would affect my dating life. Well that relationship ended and I decided the only way I was going to be able to accept this part of me was to get back to my normal life. I joined dating websites, and I went on a few dates. I thought I could experiment with people's reactions when I told them, but I never made it to that point. None of the guys caught my interest, and I was at least relieved I was getting back out there.

 

Then I met this guy. He was friends with a few friends of mine, and we had gone to high school together. We started hanging out, and I was very aware that I had herpes. I tried to take it slow, but things kept progressing faster than I had anticipated. I knew I had to tell him. I thought about just never talking to him again ... telling him I wasn't interested. I was worried that he would tell people. I had the conversation probably just shy of 200 times in my head.

 

Then we got to a point where it was now or never so I told him to take a seat and I just told him. Maybe it was thinking about telling him for a few weeks that made me realize some important things about myself. I have herpes. I will always have herpes, and that's okay. Anyone who wants to be with me will also have to think that it is okay, and if they don't that's okay too. If they don't want to deal with it ... I won't die. Nothing bad will happen to me. I walk away a little upset about the fact, and then I move on. Rejection is not the end of the world. Not trying and being terrified over something that you cannot control is a lot worse in my eyes.

 

I was shocked that when I told him I was calm. I didn't cry. I didn't stammer out all the statistics. I asked if he wanted to know about the virus and I told him that there will always be a risk. Now I knew I had found a decent guy before I disclosed, but after I knew that he was nothing short of awesome. He asked questions, he stayed calm and he reassured me that he was still interested. I am glad I was able to tell him, that I didn't back out like I wanted to. In doing so I realized that the more comfortable I get with having the virus, the more I accept that this is just a part of my life, the less scared I am of disclosing. I am sure it will never be an experience I look forward to, but the thought of it no longer terrifies me.

[PositivelyBeautiful]

Hi @CML, thanks for sharing your successful disclosure and sooooo happy for you!!! i love this statement: "the more I accept that this is just a part of my life, the less scared I am of disclosing" - it's so true. we can't change it or take it back, so once we do the internal work and find peace, everything else becomes easier.

[WCSDancer2010]

Then we got to a point where it was now or never so I told him to take a seat and I just told him. Maybe it was thinking about telling him for a few weeks that made me realize some important things about myself. I have herpes. I will always have herpes, and that's okay. Anyone who wants to be with me will also have to think that it is okay, and if they don't that's okay too. If they don't want to deal with it ... I won't die. Nothing bad will happen to me. I walk away a little upset about the fact, and then I move on. Rejection is not the end of the world. Not trying and being terrified over something that you cannot control is a lot worse in my eyes. .....

 

.....I am glad I was able to tell him, that I didn't back out like I wanted to. In doing so I realized that the more comfortable I get with having the virus, the more I accept that this is just a part of my life, the less scared I am of disclosing. I am sure it will never be an experience I look forward to, but the thought of it no longer terrifies me.

 

YESSSSSSSSS! BINGO!

 

Thank you for sharing this with us! And keep us posted about you and this great guy. Whatever happens, he has been a gift to you in that he helped you to push beyond your fear ... and THAT is a beautiful thing!

 

(((HUGS)))

[Snowy123]

I'm really happy for you. I am in the same situation as you. Just over a year ago found out I had HSV2 and did the same, tried to stay with my partner who gave it to me, because I feared I would never find anyone. But now I have found the perfect man, I had the conversation with him a few days ago and he was so supportive towards me. He just looked me in the eyes and said "this doesn't change anything, please stop worrying" it makes me cry thinking about it. Happy tears though. But I was so scared and my heart was pounding. To have someone put you at ease like that was amazing. He was grateful I was honest with him and said it made him like me even more.

So anyone who is worried of disclosing. Just remember if they really like you and you are important to them, then nothing will stand in their way of being with you.

[2Legit2Quit]

Yaahhj! So happy for you ladies! I hope when I'm ready for a relationship, that I will have success like you guys as well. I have much bigger things to work on w in myself, that's much bigger than herpes.

[Snowy123]

Yes definitely.. Get your confidence back and there will be no stopping you. Don't let it define you and you'll be fine. It took me a while to get the confindence to feel able to be with someone and tell them. But I tell you what, it's quite liberating telling someone. Like it actually makes me feel better that they are still into me, regardless..they like me that much they don't even care about it. And that's how it should be.

Keep us posted.. Sending hugs xxx

[Marie14]

Thank you guys so much for the support. Everything with H seems to be a process or rather a journey. Now that I have disclosed I am working on not worrying about giving him the virus, it has been stressful, even though I know he decided to take the risk. I get mild outbreaks and I am nervous I won't know I am having one. I have voiced my concern to him because I think that open communication is the only way to accept the virus and deal with it in a healthy way. He seems to understand. I found out what an amazing guy he because of the virus and I trust him. H let me see someone for who they are and what they are capable of. Now if I can just get my pesky outbreaks under control I'd be all set. :)

 

I did have a question ... I was taking acyclovir and my dr. changed me to valacyclovir and it seems every since then my outbreaks have been more frequent and they take longer to heal. I was wondering if anyone has seen this happen. My dr. says its probably just a coincidence, but it seems like it happened within a few days of switching over and it has been like this for about two months now. Just looking for insight if anyone has used both antivirals. Thanks. :)

[WCSDancer2010]

I'd ask the Dr to go back on Acyclovir and see if it makes a difference .... that's the best way to get to the bottom of that. Doctors largely don't really pay attention to the small percentages who don't play by the rules when it comes to meds ... but they are there with ANY medication out there ... so just take a stand for yourself and say you want to go back on the original drug... at least long enough to see if it changes anything ;)