He accepts me but it still feels really weird

[misskellyrenee]

So I met this guy back in march when I went to Vegas and we were talking ever since. Seemed to be a nice guy, into me, and all that. He just graduated and is a Dentist.

Keep in mind I have not had many great relationships so my patterns aren't the best. It can be hard to determine whether or not I'm with someone who is wrong for me vs me being a commitment-phobe.

I told him I had herpes and he interrupted me and told me he was fine with it and launched into the "I accept you, you're not damaged goods, you're worthy of love" and all that. You would think that would make me feel fantastic but it didn't. While I am happy he accepts me for me, I also didn't get to tell my story. I didn't get to talk about how hard it was, which makes all his reassurances feel strange because I didn't mention at all struggling or feeling bad about it. He did want me to get back on the acyclovir and was adamant about it and the next day said "okay, your first order of business is calling your doctor and getting that prescription filled!" Which kind of felt condescending to me.

There were other things that weirded me out. Like when I started to share some of my relationship history he would kind of stop me and give his two-cents and advice as opposed to just acknowledging that I went through something shitty.

He also had the audacity to stop me on the date and ask if I was nervous because I was "talking a million miles a minute and he couldn't get a word in."

It was just strange being treated like a girlfriend when I don't really know the guy well. I felt like he was trying to prove to me how emotionally intelligent he is and how much he knows as opposed to just being an example of it.

I mean he is a fun guy and we do get along. There was just a lot of cringe-worthy moments.

[2Legit2Quit]

@misskellyrenee I know how you feel, because an old flame was pretty dismissive of it as well and was like we'll just use condoms. I even asked if he had any questions and he didn't, so then I filled him up w knowledge of it and asked how would he feel, if I passed it to him and would he resent me. I think he was beside ourselves when someone accepts us w this, as we expect rejection all the time.

 

I suggest telling him how he makes you not feel heard and you would like him to not father you and just listen. More than likely, he has an A Atype personality a s being a male and a doctor on top of it, they are fixers... Guys don't get how girls need to just vent and we're not looking for a solution. He just want you to hear us. Reading some of your posts, I am familiar w what you go through in relationships, ad I am the same and I also am willing to go put on a limb here and say you can be a self sabotager. Try to walk through things in your head and ask your self questions and are you really just reacting out of intimacy fears.

[misskellyrenee]

I ask myself the last question a lot and thats what I am trying to figure out with this guy. I don't know if the things that are bugging me are for real or not.

Like we went to a wine bar and he was super pretentious about how to taste wines. Hes probably just trying to impress me, but it just bugged me a bit.

I think the part the bugs me may be the need to fix me. It may be a talk I need to have with him. I don't want to be fixed or for him to guide me. I don't need him to tell me how much he knows about relationships and how to be a good dude- just be a good dude.

Also, he spent the night at my place the other night- took a dump in my bathroom, asked for a spare tooth brush and asked to use some of my deodorant. Like Ive been on two dates with the dude and its so familiar so fast.

He saw that I had condoms on the floor and it irritated him. Granted, I was just a student and they give out condoms all the time plus I'm a single girl and up until a few nights ago, I didn't even think we were pursuing anything. What he saw was a condom wrapper (from maybe a week ago?) but not like, a used condom. He said it hurt his feelings but that it was okay.

Also, I have this dudes watch from April. It didn't end on a positive note and I keep asking him to come pick it up he won't respond. I don't want to throw it away (it's a kenneth cole watch) but I have no use for it, and its not like it sells for a whole lot on amazon. Other than that, its just taking up space.

So i don't know what it is. I didn't even expect to hear from him until he said he moved back into my area on tuesday, and its really off putting that there is this automatic expectation of intimacy and relationship like status.

My first instinct is to run away.

[StillMeButWiser]

@misskellyrenee. Gut feeling is usually right. If it's not sitting right it's because it's not right. The clues you are picking up are from a very selfish person who is eager to get his full clamp on you to control you like a little puppet. So do your self the biggest favor and run girlfriend. Have you noticed everything has to be done his way not acknowledging you? He has done it all and brags about it?

For just meeting you he is certainly over stepping his bounds and disrespecting you. He is making himself very comfortable quickly in your space with no regards to your comfort zone. Selfish. Also selfish people can be abusers. They treat you like gold but you have to comply to him. They move thru the relationship steps very quickly to make you theirs. The life you have fades and becomes his world and it's very hard to leave with out getting physical first.

 

Give yourself tons of credit for picking up on these clues and taking them very seriously. Smart lady you are.

[misskellyrenee]

Thank you. I'm gonna give it another date maybe just to make sure. I'm also moving apartments today and had asked for help so I know I gotta check it out a bit longer.

I haven't been around him long enough for him to be the "my way or the highway" type, but it wouldn't surprise me.

The whole thing is just strange to me!!

[2Legit2Quit]

After you just said all that, I agree w Dancer, that he had massive control issues and is trying to lay claim to you already. Definitely red flags in that story you just told. I feel my old flame is the same exact way and why he didn't hesitate to accept me w my herpes. I feel he will use it over my head as a power play, which is why I pushed discussing herpes further w him and tried to scare him off w it. He too wants everything his way and I can't deal w feeling stifled like that. I would run too, but I'd it makes you feel better, have a very blunt conversation w him about everything you said here. I think that his reaction will really give you some insight into what he's all about. Keep us up to date and good luck!

[StillMeButWiser]

His reaction will be who? Not me. It's you. I never had a girl complain before. Then he will try to convince you that it is made up in your head. So save your breathe, just say you are not the one for me. Keep in very short and simple. Otherwise, he will argue every point while getting in the final word.

 

You are on the right path, run with it girlfriend.

[misskellyrenee]

Yeah, today was different. He wasn't like he was on the date but I still didn't feel like he was right for me.

Oh well, at least I got help moving my stuff. HAHAH

[WCSDancer2010]

It was just strange being treated like a girlfriend when I don't really know the guy well. I felt like he was trying to prove to me how emotionally intelligent he is and how much he knows as opposed to just being an example of it.

I mean he is a fun guy and we do get along. There was just a lot of cringe-worthy moments.

 

That about said it all... and you got some great advice on here.

 

Look: If a man is going to fast for you PUT THE BRAKES ON! You are not beholden to go at his speed. If he's demanding you go on the meds that fast, he's FAR more interested in GETTING INTO you than getting into YOU, and his inability to shut up and LISTEN to you and your story proves that as well.

 

At this point I tell a new prospect that I am NOT rushing any more, even when my body is having a complete rebellion with my head... LOL. That usually brings some lightness to the conversation. I let them know I really want to get to know THEM first ... and you know what, because *I* slow things down, I notice/observe a LOT more that I would have ignored in the past...both good and bad. And if it doesn't work out, I usually have enough info to be able to deal with WHY it didn't work out ... rather than WHY they didn't like me or whatever ;)

 

Sounds like you've seen him for who he is ... controlling and not really at ALL worried about you or your needs/thoughts... so learn from this and move on friend!